Without intention to insult, and even though I am very little experienced, I will give an opinion.
The majority of the inhibitions/respites met about sex in girls/women come from the effort of the family to protect the girl from having childer at a young age. So they insert the element of immoral, unhealthy, and the such. To be honest, I haven't found a better alternative way that the parents should take to protect the young woman from bad things. Their intention is good.
Of cource, beeing in a difficult situation (DP/DR, debts, etc) is also bad.
I am a supporter of the idea that sex should be bound to tenderness, but I don't have the proper amount of experience to say if it is possible.
As a recommendation to your situation I say this: do as you feel. If you want to have sex, have it. If you want to have it in a specific aspect/way then have it the way you want (but don't do something that will bring you later in trouble: bondage and even worse from what I have heard of).
Sex is the most natual thing. Like breathing. It is even more natural than talking. If and when you want to do it, you MUST do it. Otherwise trouble starts.
The reason that people develop very odd appetites around it, is because nature has tried so hard not to let us have a choice (no escape for you: the contination of your speciment must continue). There are at least a few bilion ways to approach sex. You must select an approach that will not bring you in trouble (I just said that above... deja vu
). By understanding nature's intention, you have the liberty to select what is best for you.
As with ALL things, sex should not be subject to self-subjection: "I must have sex this way", especially when it's originating from social and family cheques (like it happened in me, for instance), but instead, you should place the minus (-) and plus (+) and decide what's best for you. You will see, that, after you realize that when a choice does not damage you (physically or mentally) then you will have no hesitation to appease with it. And when a choice is bad for you, you will stop wanting it.
As a general rule: do not press yourself uppon something, or you will have the excact opposite resaults.
Maybe I will just pretend everything is okay like I do with the rest of my life. It's hard though I've already been traumatized enough in this area in past relationships.
Don't do this. I think it's bad for you.
Guys just really lose their patience sometimes when it comes to sex
True. Not for all, but for most. Nature had made man like this. Usually it only requires for the man to see himself though your eyes and he will stop. But as you understand, as you feel pressed not to have sex, he feels pressed to have (nature calls). There is no justice in this.
I have probably gone beyond the things that I judged as proper to mention as my contribution/opinion to your case, but there are many people reading. Again: no intention to insult
By the way, what does "raibotters" means? Boots for water?