Dear Tidal, I've the same thoughts you have, and I'm sure many others have...welcome to the Obsessive's Club :wink:
I have some advices for you (actually, they're also for myself!)
1- Focus your attention outward...on your life, your hobbies etc. I know it's difficult, but listen to this: I always try to scare myself and obsess myself with absurd thoughts...obviously, all the ones that involve the question: "I've thought a crazy thought, so am I going crazy?"...well, there are two things that blow away all obsessions I have (at least for a while!); they are:going
to the disco and dancing, and the friday evening, when I go to a club where there's a girl I like a lot...well, all the time when I'm in the car driving from my house to this club, I think: "What if tonight I'll not be able to push away my obsessive thoughts and maybe I lose control in front of this girl?"...well, it never happened, but even if it will happen, I know that it's not for some kind of psychosis but for my ability to ruin everything with bad thoughts; ok, I go to this club, and when I see this girl, I become the Tau I was 3 years ago...maybe even stronger!
So: go out, try to relax even if you are SURE you'll not be able to, and live even you think crazy thoughts.
2-I don't know if you do it...but if you are like me, please, don't read psychosis symptoms on the net...why? Well, here's what I typically do:
Phase 1:Oh my god, I feel anxious and detached (of course, I'm always checkin' my thoughts instead of living my life)
Phase 2:Why I feel so bad?Let's do a search on the net (bad choice...)
Phase 3:What would be the worst think that can happen me?Hummm...psychosis!Well, let's read psychosis symptoms, this way I'll be sure I don't have them.
Phase 4:Lol, what a stupid I was, these symptoms are very different from how I feel! (Imagine, I was even laughing when I read some paranoid thoughts, thinking "Ah, only a really crazy person can ever think this crap!")
Phase 5: What if I'm going to have these thoughts and this is only the beginning of the illness?
Phase 6: I must not think these thoughts, I must not think these thoughts..."What if people is out to get me?"...damn I thought it!!!
Phase 7: "What if people is out to get me?"..."Why that person looked at me?"..."How could this person know I've been to the disco yesterday evening?" (And of course, also sadistically trying to make myself believe the thoughts in order to know if I can become psychotic...which is also part of the obsession).
Scary, uh? And the worst part is: they become automatic after a while. Just like a learned behaviour.
3-Listen to what Janine says, she knows these "thought processes" very well from what I've read...and even if she doesn't know me, she has said some things that I've never considered before and that are helping a lot!
Hope I've been of help!