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Hello, this is my first post to the site.

I am currently 20 years old, and I would say at around 14 or maybe younger I experienced mild depersonalization, contemplating the meaning of life, but eventually I think i just developed an indifference toward it and said fuck it, I'm gonna live life as much as I can, even if i'm in some kind of sick joke movie reality.

Now, to the current situation. A few weeks ago I had a bad experience with a pre-workout drink, and ended up triggering a full blown panic attack coupled with lingering anxiety. I thought I had gotten back to normal after the panic attack, but then I start contemplating existential questions, and got so wrapped up in my thoughts that I feel like I triggered the depersonalization and derealization.

Now I feel like I don't even know who I am, if I even exist, if anything exists, like I'm in a whole new world, a whole new universe, and I'm not really sure how to deal with it. I'm trying to go see a therapist, and should within the next few days, but i'm honestly at the point where I really don't see how anything could help.

I feel like i'm just watching whoever is in my body live. When I think about who I am, i am at a loss. Yes, i have all these memories in my head, but i'm not sure i feel connected at all to it, it's like i honestly feel like i was just born and woke up. I definitely do not feel 20 years old. Has anyone else had that feeling of being just born/awoken? My biggest fears are that I'm going to go crazy, lose my mind, cease to exist, or just turn into a robot. It almost feels like i'm possessed, or that there are multiple people inside me (I considered multiple personality disorder).

Anyway, if anyone could offer me any advice or has gone through a similar variation of depersonalization/derealization, I would greatly appreciate the help. Thanks.
 

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I used to be afraid of going a little insane but something I learnt in my psychology class made me feel a lot better. Most genuinely psychotic people are in denial and don't realize that what they are thinking or doing is not considered normal. DP is at the other end of the spectrum as fear and overthinking causes most anxiety disorders. In a way, we are the least likely people to become crazy because we are so self-aware.
 
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