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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
i cannot remember :shock:

i feel like i do not know who i am anymore and it is really scaring me :cry:

i get scared when i realise that i am alive and i am who i am....

i cannot remeber how i used to be...

i cannot stop analysing everything and anything!

the odd thing is i do not feel particularly anxious anymore...just have this awful feeling like i do not exist or whatever i am thinking...

i know there is nothing really that can be said that can make these feelings go away but i felt like i needed to vent...

sorry for the bore if you have read this...

i cannot stand waking up every morning thinking i am living the same day over and over....feeling like i am losing who i am...not being able to realise that i exist properly....i feel like i am being born again everyday and that time does not exist either....

but right now i feel like i have no hope of being me again now that i have experienced this...

sorry again for this...
 

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Discussion Starter · #2 ·
i cannot remember :shock:

i feel like i do not know who i am anymore and it is really scaring me :cry:

i get scared when i realise that i am alive and i am who i am....

i cannot remeber how i used to be...

i cannot stop analysing everything and anything!

the odd thing is i do not feel particularly anxious anymore...just have this awful feeling like i do not exist or whatever i am thinking...

i know there is nothing really that can be said that can make these feelings go away but i felt like i needed to vent...

sorry for the bore if you have read this...

i cannot stand waking up every morning thinking i am living the same day over and over....feeling like i am losing who i am...not being able to realise that i exist properly....i feel like i am being born again everyday and that time does not exist either....

but right now i feel like i have no hope of being me again now that i have experienced this...

sorry again for this...
 

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these feelings will lessen in time shadowness. i know that feeling waking up everyday and realising ...
but i'm not getting it much these days as the dp is much less. time and ads help me.
you will slip back into being yourself and dp will only be a memory :)
 

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these feelings will lessen in time shadowness. i know that feeling waking up everyday and realising ...
but i'm not getting it much these days as the dp is much less. time and ads help me.
you will slip back into being yourself and dp will only be a memory :)
 
G

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Shadowness,
Unfortunately you're already USING the cholorform, grin. It's your obsessive self-monitoring.

That has thrown a net of deadness over your sense of being able to experience yourself and your own life.

Obsessive thoughts will not just go away. FIGHT them. At every turn. Going deeper and deeper into self-observation and questioning, and harping on "am I the same as I was?" etc. will never bring anything but more anquish.

Once you recover, if you want to go back and entertain those thoughts, that's another thing.

But..while you are trying to recover, DO NOT let yourself explore any of that. It produces more and more detachment from self. It FEELS like you will find peace, or answers, or safety if you just turn it over and over again in your mind. Totally untrue. And it is part of the symptom.

Trust me. Please.

Peace,
Janine
 
G

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Shadowness,
Unfortunately you're already USING the cholorform, grin. It's your obsessive self-monitoring.

That has thrown a net of deadness over your sense of being able to experience yourself and your own life.

Obsessive thoughts will not just go away. FIGHT them. At every turn. Going deeper and deeper into self-observation and questioning, and harping on "am I the same as I was?" etc. will never bring anything but more anquish.

Once you recover, if you want to go back and entertain those thoughts, that's another thing.

But..while you are trying to recover, DO NOT let yourself explore any of that. It produces more and more detachment from self. It FEELS like you will find peace, or answers, or safety if you just turn it over and over again in your mind. Totally untrue. And it is part of the symptom.

Trust me. Please.

Peace,
Janine
 

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Stop trying to be and BE! Just do it and stop thinking!(large grin)

That's what my mind used to tell me whenever I was over-rationalizing. Must have worked sometime - I've managed to stem the over-flowing of analytical thoughts for some time. They do overwhelm me from time to time, but I learn to appreciate it because no one really thinks about this much. It feels like I'm exploring untread territory and it feels kinda nice.
 

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Stop trying to be and BE! Just do it and stop thinking!(large grin)

That's what my mind used to tell me whenever I was over-rationalizing. Must have worked sometime - I've managed to stem the over-flowing of analytical thoughts for some time. They do overwhelm me from time to time, but I learn to appreciate it because no one really thinks about this much. It feels like I'm exploring untread territory and it feels kinda nice.
 

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Discussion Starter · #11 ·
thank you people for your replies...

i know what i should nt be thinking and what feeds the problems...it is just breaking that obsessive thinking that is so hard as a lot of us know....

but i know i will get better and get to a stage when i will not feel unnessessarily anxious and will feel completely like myself again...

but it was very nice to read your comments...

thank you :)
 

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Discussion Starter · #12 ·
thank you people for your replies...

i know what i should nt be thinking and what feeds the problems...it is just breaking that obsessive thinking that is so hard as a lot of us know....

but i know i will get better and get to a stage when i will not feel unnessessarily anxious and will feel completely like myself again...

but it was very nice to read your comments...

thank you :)
 

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yeah i am experiencing the exact same thing - as though dp/dr or whichever has eaten away at the past so the feeling of living existentialisy has become more apparent.
 

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yeah i am experiencing the exact same thing - as though dp/dr or whichever has eaten away at the past so the feeling of living existentialisy has become more apparent.
 
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I remember. As a matter of fact, I just had a flash of it the other night while driving into a town I hadn't been to since the baby was born almost 2 1/2 yrs ago.

When I think of my life before all this hit, it makes me sad. Life had it's ups nad downs, and yet so innecent. I had no idea that the dark hole of mental illness was right around the corner.

I was home schooling my now 11 yr old. She was my little angel!!! She was my shadow. (crying now) It has been hard for me to grieve the loss of my old life. I feel like a lost so much time. I was so messed up after my baby was born. Now my daughter is a pre teen and our relationship is so different. I know I would have to accept this anyway, it's just that this illness kind of robbed me of being more of a mother during that time. And, really, I guess I'm still grieving the fact that I've had another baby. I'm 40 and was not planning on having another baby. (sorry for going on here. I haven't really vented these feelings).

When I think of my life before dp/dr, I think of a time of innocence.

Carla
 
G

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I remember. As a matter of fact, I just had a flash of it the other night while driving into a town I hadn't been to since the baby was born almost 2 1/2 yrs ago.

When I think of my life before all this hit, it makes me sad. Life had it's ups nad downs, and yet so innecent. I had no idea that the dark hole of mental illness was right around the corner.

I was home schooling my now 11 yr old. She was my little angel!!! She was my shadow. (crying now) It has been hard for me to grieve the loss of my old life. I feel like a lost so much time. I was so messed up after my baby was born. Now my daughter is a pre teen and our relationship is so different. I know I would have to accept this anyway, it's just that this illness kind of robbed me of being more of a mother during that time. And, really, I guess I'm still grieving the fact that I've had another baby. I'm 40 and was not planning on having another baby. (sorry for going on here. I haven't really vented these feelings).

When I think of my life before dp/dr, I think of a time of innocence.

Carla
 

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I don't think we ever lose who we really are. I had a very clear sense of what I wanted to be and do with my life from a very young age.

I have the sadness of not being able to carry through with it, and an anger at the loss of what I wanted to do with my life.

But I don't believe we lose our core self, it is there. I "hear" it in many posts here. Problem is when in the throes of horrible DP/DR it's damned difficult to remember much of the good in one's life, it isn't lost it gets stuffed down, but I sincerely believe you have not lost YOU, the things that make up who you are.

I've had this for essentially my whole life and I'm nearly 46. I'm still Dreamer.

Please have Faith in it, even if you don't feel that.
Take Care,
D :shock:
 

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I don't think we ever lose who we really are. I had a very clear sense of what I wanted to be and do with my life from a very young age.

I have the sadness of not being able to carry through with it, and an anger at the loss of what I wanted to do with my life.

But I don't believe we lose our core self, it is there. I "hear" it in many posts here. Problem is when in the throes of horrible DP/DR it's damned difficult to remember much of the good in one's life, it isn't lost it gets stuffed down, but I sincerely believe you have not lost YOU, the things that make up who you are.

I've had this for essentially my whole life and I'm nearly 46. I'm still Dreamer.

Please have Faith in it, even if you don't feel that.
Take Care,
D :shock:
 
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