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I used to be scared and care about my future etc....it just to scare me to think about "will i be okay in the future" or contact with people around me.. But i don't even care about that anymore. On the bright side i have almost no anxiety anymore. I'm just here existing and care about nothing.

relateable?
 

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Besides my recent mental breakdown, I've started to be much more apathetic towards my future too. I've forced myself to live day by day. I think we're just burned out from caring TOO much. In sore it will level out at some point.
 

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Omg yes im like this at moment i feel soul less just a feeling off nothingness i dont even know if its even dp I don't feel depressed
 

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I do care, I do worry. I would say that's actually what has replaced the true, acute anxiety that I felt in the beginning of all this. The gut-wrenching fear has been numbed by my meds and has sort of evolved into "how does this progress/how does this end?" as well as questions like "how will I support myself in the future?". DP has really sapped my confidence and my belief in my ability to forge my own destiny. I don't see a career for myself, or being able to have kids, or anything along those lines. I have a multitude of symptoms that I experience all day every day. DPDR has impacted my ability to even enjoy leisurely things. For instance, even a vacation is too stressful for me. It has made me live a very careful life - I live in a very small, low-energy world where I try not to rock the psychological boat, or exhaust myself physically or mentally.

But I guess what really worries me is what I perceive as cognitive decline. My faculties feel greatly affected, with no improvement over the years. I'm forgetting pretty basic everyday things, and my concentration is totally shot. My brain feels like it's shut off and is now just doing its own thing. I constantly experience what I would describe as tangential daydreaming - where my mind is just working non-stop, thinking about things, often abstractly, but rarely about anything relevant or practical. It's on a kind of non-stop treadmill, and along with my floaty/dreamlike experience of the world makes me feel dizzy and out of it almost constantly, and very removed from the world around me. I'm only 33 and I find it scary to envision a future where this gets even worse. By all accounts, I have many years to go, and I'm afraid to live as uncomfortably as this for decades to come.

So really, short of putting a bullet in my brain one of these days, how can I not care?
 

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Chicane has described what I am going through to a T. I'm going to print it off actually and show my mental health team that text if it's ok, because instead of me trying to give long-winded descriptions, I'll show them that.
 

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I understand exactly how you feel.... Iv been dealing with this for 5 months and it's been hell for me. There's was a point where I was getting so much better and my derealization left and my depersonalization was fading everyday until I relapsed and my derealization came back a month ago.... now I feel like I'm starting back at square one and it sucks so bad when you saw reality and felt like you and then you go completely backward. Now I'm dealing with two monsters AGAIN instead of just one. I feel so empty and like don't even know if I'll be normal again
 

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yes.. worse thing is that when you improve little bit it all come back even more unbearable. When is suffering so much and finally is better but then suddenly you are back all where you began and you just think that maybe you done everything totally wrong. its actually never so good for me. its always like im totally gone. cant think clear. its like i dont have brains. omg im so happy here is people excat same. i really cant even believe... it feels like noone cant be like this
 
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