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Hello, my name is angela, I am 19. Sorry for my poor english, I'm french.

I decide to come talking on this site to found help about some problems of I, if somoene can.

I do suffer from depersonalization, but mostly derealization. Since forever I think, well I don't really know, maybe since my childhood trauma, I suffer from these isues. My childhood since the death of my grandmother witch I considered like my seconde mother, was a particullary difficult part of my life, 8 years old little girl, with a depressed single mom, i've been trough, sexual abused at 10, phisycal and mental violence (not from my mother).

So I crated my own world, my own universe in my head, And since, I don't know what reality is.

I'm better these day in my life, appart derealization issues. Even if i have problems like every one, I have now a "confortable life". But i suffer from derealization, that I forgot that i have freinds, I forgot what my goals are, who I am. If i don't spend time in the present with someon I will forget very quickly that I have a familly, and forget to call them, because they are a dream, every thing is a dream, what is real ? I can be with someone for tow years and a month after I am with someone else, because all my memories is gone, it's just a dream memory like. Even if inside of me I know what reality is. I don't feel it like real, I am disconnected. I am like in another world.

I don't really kniw what to do, some times i feel like a robot. A fiction, a movie. And I can remember this movie of my life, but It's like a fiction, and I can't remember fellings etc.

I don't know, I'm lost somtimes, i don't really know if i have to just live with it or do something.

I am truly gratful that you took time to read my topic, and in return if i can help somoene It would be a pleasur for me to try helping. Thank you.
 

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Welcome! Have you explored any medicinal or trauma related routes to soothe or analyze these symptoms? Ptsd and anxiety come hand in hand. Emdr or any trauma soothing?
 

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I sympathise and am with you! I can relate very well to the loss/lack of memory issue. Ever since ... I've felt adrift, disconnected. The intermitent panic has kept me distracted and my world focus has shifted to encompass a circle that does not include the "external ring" (for me my wife, kids, parents, sister... major guilt). What I mean to say is that your not alone in this, such a weird and unexpected consequence of ... What has helped me the most in this way was to LET THE GUILT GO, the panic remains, but I can deal with this alone if I dont have to deal with the guilt too... The people who know, know and love you regardless, they will take you back when your ready.
 
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