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Do I have DP or am i experiencing prolonged anxiety?

862 Views 4 Replies 3 Participants Last post by  retrobot
-To note this is going to be a long read as i feel it’s the best way to include everything
-TK/ I am 21 M and had anxiety episodes in my pre teens about the safety of my family that disappeared until these last couple of years, where they have slowly started to resurface

I am writing this post as i’m not sure i am experiencing a prolonged anxiety attack or depersonalisation. This first started on the night of my 21st Birthday, on the night i had mix of drugs such as Ketamine, Coke and MDMA. These were all in very small amounts, especially the MDMA as no one out of the group of 10 felt any sort of high. The issues began after the consumption of NOS through balloons, I went through around 24 canisters across the day and at some point i started to feel off. By this i mean i stared to feel dizzy and and a bit worried that i may of somehow damaged my brain. After feeling this way i went to bed hoping i would sleep of the symptoms. However, upon waking up i had quite severe brain fog and felt as if something wasn’t quite right in my head (my inner monologue was present but it felt disconnected and a bit dreamy). I figured the symptoms would go after a few days but then i contracted covid and the symptoms obviously seemed to worsen. I then went to the doctors and they said there was nothing physically wrong with me and that the symptoms should subside within a month. Over the month my symptoms definitely improved as i regained full cognitive ability however something still felt off in my head (they felt disconnected almost as if they were coming form the back of my head). This was manageable to the extent i decided to have a bong hit one night. This is where everything went downhill, the high was fine until i started to have a panic attack about not feeling better again and that i was stuck in this mental state. This was worsened by the fact I was seeing my Mom and brother for the first time in 3 years within the coming month, i was stuck thinking that i would be feeling bad when they were here. Over the next couple days I was having pretty bad panic attacks and constant negative thought loops, this resulted in me being prescribed 2mg Dizapame which definitely helped and took the edge off things. I only took these when the anxiety got quite bad. For the next week and a half I hade persistent anxiety thinking there was something wrong with my head. One day it got really bad to the point i had to leave University and go to straight to bed taking a Dizapame in the process. However, the next morning i was randomly feeling a lot better and had very minor symptoms of everything i had previously mentioned. Over the following days i kept feeling better to the point i felt mostly recovered. I felt so good that i decided to go out drinking on both Friday and Saturday. I felt groggy on Sunday but nothing too noticeable, I felt a tad off on Monday and Tuesday but no where near how bad i had been feeling in the previous weeks. Then came Wednesday which is when i was seeing my mum and brother for this first time in years. My symptoms seemed to resurface (this was 9 days ago) and have progressively got worse from the times before. I have had anxiety the past 9 days, some days mild and some quite severe(this anxiety is purely over not feeling better again). However, more symptoms have been present this time round and are making me feel like i may have depersonalisation. Accompanying my anxiety i have experienced eyesight issues, everything seems slightly more vivid and my vision will go blurry/unfocused when i am not concentrating on a particular object/thing. Along with this my head feels airy almost as if it’s wrapped in cotton (I have become hyper aware of my thoughts and feel as if i’m trapped in my head). Other then this i don’t really have other symptoms of depersonalisation, everything feels real still and i feel in full control of my body. My emotions are still intact but definitely mellowed out from the stress this has caused. I don’t seem to be recovering and was wondering if anyone could provide insight into what maybe happening or how I can heal. Thanks for reading this long piece :)
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I second with ThoughtsOnFire, you’re playing Russian Roulette with your mental well-being at this point!
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