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I have so much going on in my life right now. I am about to graduate with my my BA, I am working, just started a new relationship, mother died last october. And now, all these intrusive thoughts and feelings that have nothing to do with any of that. I have fallen so far back into a DP/OCD state it's terrifying. I literally don't want to do anything but I force myself through the motions. My biggest issue is Free Will and the fear of basically being a programmed robot. I feel like a robot literally. Think just come and go and I feel like I just go along but have no control. I am attacked by thoughts such as What am I? What is a self? What is a conscious? What does it mean to be here? What is control? What are thoughts? I feel real, and I know people are real but I struggle so much by feeling programmed and robotic it's so depressing. It's preventing me from future situation because I think about hanging out with my friends or my dad or something and then think what's the point? You are just a programmed robot so it doesn't matter anyways. Shit is fucking terrible. The act of "thinking" itself bothers me and how thoughts just come to the head. A lot of people say just let thoughts come and go and don't fight them but doing that almost more me even more aware of how much control I do not have. It's a terrible cycle it sucks. I just feel no control over my thoughts or my words or actions so I just don't want to do anything except lay around. I sabotage all good moments I have by those thoughts popping right back up. It's almost as if I feel like I am a living robot and now I just go through the motions and now that I have this much of a consciousness It's scary. It's like I can't tell if being aware of this scares me, or if it's more of the feeling of being disconnected from my thoughts and body that scares me and causes the anxiety. I hold on because I know that many people have these thoughts and feelings but don't obssess on them nor bother them. And I remember using to feel like that. But it is just so hard to be in the moment now and now aware of being aware and anytime I am in the moment enjoying myself it freaks me tf out and I am like wow, how was I doing that? Crazy stuff
 

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Sorry i don't have anything too deep to tell you, honestly go to a physiologist everything you believe or feel is false. You are in control of every single action you have, there is no deeper meaning to that. It's simple as that. If you don't feel that, talk it out and you will come to release again, although you didn't mention it, it goes along with your thinking that even religion does't claim ANY control over your free will, you should like you have deep anxious thoughts that make you believe this is more complex than it truly is, i truly think you should get help, it will set that free.

I have had DP 3 years, i understand how you might feel like that, but i never have, not because i can't relate but i truly have no thoughts or belief that its anyone else than me, even at the start where i didn't feel my hands, my speech felt absent and i felt like i walked on clouds, no matter where you are in DP i truly believe this out of all the symptoms can be changed by mindset, talk therapy can help you understand, don't suffer, get help
 

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Sorry to hear of your loss. DP/DR tends to strike when we're most overwhelmed, insecure, and vulnerable.

What you're experiencing is essentially a delusion. You're about one level deep into this, and your realizations are pretty naive. What you perceive are half-truths at best, and the questions are mostly a metaphysical language-game you're playing with yourself. These thoughts are interesting when you hold them at the distance of your intellect, but overwhelming when you're inside them. When you're dissociated in your head in a world of pure thought, it seems a single thought or fear can transport you into a new reality.

When you look back on your dp/dr and your obsessive existential thoughts they will seem so distant and unreal and small. If you let it interfere with your life, you'll regret it. The disturbing emotions you're feeling right now will pass, but the consequences in your life can last and take a lot of work to set right. So use these powerful feelings to your advantage as far as possible: react against them in a positive way.

You don't have to do anything. Don't try to stop the thoughts, or expect that distraction will always work. The thoughts will just fizzle out.

I have so much going on in my life right now. I am about to graduate with my my BA, I am working, just started a new relationship, mother died last october. And now, all these intrusive thoughts and feelings that have nothing to do with any of that. I have fallen so far back into a DP/OCD state it's terrifying. I literally don't want to do anything but I force myself through the motions. My biggest issue is Free Will and the fear of basically being a programmed robot. I feel like a robot literally. Think just come and go and I feel like I just go along but have no control. I am attacked by thoughts such as What am I? What is a self? What is a conscious? What does it mean to be here? What is control? What are thoughts? I feel real, and I know people are real but I struggle so much by feeling programmed and robotic it's so depressing. It's preventing me from future situation because I think about hanging out with my friends or my dad or something and then think what's the point? You are just a programmed robot so it doesn't matter anyways. Shit is fucking terrible. The act of "thinking" itself bothers me and how thoughts just come to the head. A lot of people say just let thoughts come and go and don't fight them but doing that almost more me even more aware of how much control I do not have. It's a terrible cycle it sucks. I just feel no control over my thoughts or my words or actions so I just don't want to do anything except lay around. I sabotage all good moments I have by those thoughts popping right back up. It's almost as if I feel like I am a living robot and now I just go through the motions and now that I have this much of a consciousness It's scary. It's like I can't tell if being aware of this scares me, or if it's more of the feeling of being disconnected from my thoughts and body that scares me and causes the anxiety. I hold on because I know that many people have these thoughts and feelings but don't obssess on them nor bother them. And I remember using to feel like that. But it is just so hard to be in the moment now and now aware of being aware and anytime I am in the moment enjoying myself it freaks me tf out and I am like wow, how was I doing that? Crazy stuff
 
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