Different
Hi anyone who reads this post, hope you are alright. I’m writing today in hopes of some insight from others, or maybe others who have felt how I am/been through what I am going through. You know, the usual. This symptom is a pretty big one to me, and it’s new to me. It’s seeming to be stuck with me too, sadly. Hopefully not forever or much longer. 😣
So I’ve written a lengthy post about the story of how it started before. You don’t have to go read it or anything, just was mentioning it because I won’t be typing it all out again lolol. Basically 2/3 months ago, I had 2 pretty severe bad panic attacks. They were somewhat close together, maybe a week or more apart. The first was super bad, and scary. And im sure others who struggle with super severe attacks can relate, sometimes it can take a few days to feel all the way back to our “normal”. So the first one did take a few, but I got there. I felt a little weird even after getting back to my normal, because I hadn’t had one that bad in a while. The second one, is the one that fucked me up. It’s so confusing though because this second one lasted the same amount of time as my usual severe ones. Felt really really really scary, and really thought I was close to death probably the realest I have ever felt but, over all when I look at it, nothing super crazy different occurred. So I was unable to sleep more than 2 hours at a time after this one, for probably the next 2 weeks after. Which was weird, that hadn’t really been a thing ever with my previous ones. My insides also felt jittery, the way your stomach gets when your body first senses danger? That kinda nauseous tingly feeling? That. It was doing that, even if I was laying in bed, just woken up, nothing at all going on besides TV, using the bathroom. It wouldn’t stop. This caused me not to be able to down a full meal of any kind for those some weeks as well. Lived off protein bars and water for a while. Couldn’t shower, couldn’t leave my part of the house, didn’t wanna speak.
Eventually, that weirdness did wear off. I don’t feel any fear anymore to my usual triggers. Or if I do it’s very rare. It’s like it’s hard to scare me or make me feel. But something that I find hard to describe is still here with me. Probably the worst symptom I’ve ever had with this stupid ass problem. I feel very distant, disconnected from my family, my fiancé, and any other human being in front of my eyes. I feel nothing I guess, really. I laugh, but then I sit and think, that’s weird, why did I laugh? Or it’s like everything that enters my mind immediately exits it, so it’s like it was never there or it’s very see through, partial, not there all the way. I feel really alone. It’s very scary, and hard to do anything at all because of it. Everything feels pointless because I have no actual connection with other humans. Or if I do it’s short lived or faint, but really hardly at all. I miss feeling connected. I miss feeling a part of at least something. I feel completely alone, or like everyone else is just fake or something that is nothing.
SO. That being that. Can anyone relate? Does this get better? Does anyone understand this? I really hope I find feeling soon, or something better. It feels empty, and pointless. And that gets scary real quick. Any response is always appreciated and accepted. Thank you.
A
So I’ve written a lengthy post about the story of how it started before. You don’t have to go read it or anything, just was mentioning it because I won’t be typing it all out again lolol. Basically 2/3 months ago, I had 2 pretty severe bad panic attacks. They were somewhat close together, maybe a week or more apart. The first was super bad, and scary. And im sure others who struggle with super severe attacks can relate, sometimes it can take a few days to feel all the way back to our “normal”. So the first one did take a few, but I got there. I felt a little weird even after getting back to my normal, because I hadn’t had one that bad in a while. The second one, is the one that fucked me up. It’s so confusing though because this second one lasted the same amount of time as my usual severe ones. Felt really really really scary, and really thought I was close to death probably the realest I have ever felt but, over all when I look at it, nothing super crazy different occurred. So I was unable to sleep more than 2 hours at a time after this one, for probably the next 2 weeks after. Which was weird, that hadn’t really been a thing ever with my previous ones. My insides also felt jittery, the way your stomach gets when your body first senses danger? That kinda nauseous tingly feeling? That. It was doing that, even if I was laying in bed, just woken up, nothing at all going on besides TV, using the bathroom. It wouldn’t stop. This caused me not to be able to down a full meal of any kind for those some weeks as well. Lived off protein bars and water for a while. Couldn’t shower, couldn’t leave my part of the house, didn’t wanna speak.
Eventually, that weirdness did wear off. I don’t feel any fear anymore to my usual triggers. Or if I do it’s very rare. It’s like it’s hard to scare me or make me feel. But something that I find hard to describe is still here with me. Probably the worst symptom I’ve ever had with this stupid ass problem. I feel very distant, disconnected from my family, my fiancé, and any other human being in front of my eyes. I feel nothing I guess, really. I laugh, but then I sit and think, that’s weird, why did I laugh? Or it’s like everything that enters my mind immediately exits it, so it’s like it was never there or it’s very see through, partial, not there all the way. I feel really alone. It’s very scary, and hard to do anything at all because of it. Everything feels pointless because I have no actual connection with other humans. Or if I do it’s short lived or faint, but really hardly at all. I miss feeling connected. I miss feeling a part of at least something. I feel completely alone, or like everyone else is just fake or something that is nothing.
SO. That being that. Can anyone relate? Does this get better? Does anyone understand this? I really hope I find feeling soon, or something better. It feels empty, and pointless. And that gets scary real quick. Any response is always appreciated and accepted. Thank you.
A
