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Why is my perception of my hometown and past seem so different and distorted? It feels unfamiliar and alien. The more I try to convince myself that this is what this illness does to you and that my hometown is still the same, the more my mind refutes and refuses to budge and be convinced. Why is it that my memories of the past when I was DR free seem as if they belong to another person? Whenever I think of the past, I get this "shocking, stunned" feeling. Perhaps my mind is so used to this state that any attempt to try to readjust it to its previous state years ago will be blocked. I'm not sure. Why is my mind so stubborn and afraid? Annihilation Anxiety is also part of the problem too.


The sad truth is that you will NEVER succeed bytrying to force things to "feel right." You can't win by fighting DP states head on.

The longer you stare at the sun, the more blind you will grow.

The sense of "normalcy" in your perceptions and memory is still existing in your mind, but it's not in the State of Consciousnes you're in now. You can't "find" it from this state. Trust me, I spent half my damn life trying to.

It is bigger, faster, stronger and more desperate than you and your humble little ego will ever be. You will NEVER win by fighting it directly.

You "win" (i.e., recover your sense of self and the feeling of "intactness' about your memories and present perception) once you can STEP ASIDE from your observing self and allow your mind to reintroduce a more familiar state of consciousness. As long as you're IN this state, you can't REACH other states.

Your brain will 're-set' itself if you can give it time. We do that by FORCING our attention on ANYthing except where we want to put it, lol...on self, on our eerie feelings, etc.

FORCE yourself to not self-observe and to not try to "right" the reception that is so clearly askew.

In time, if you can stay OUT of the self-monitoring business, your entire sense of normalcy will return.

Enormously simple and extraordinarily difficult.

ANd no one can be talked into doing it - we all have to keep beating our heads against brick walls till we realize it is REALLY NOT GOING TO WORK. We're stubborn and determined and highly egotistical. We cannot accept that we can't FORCE it back into sync. But we can't.

All the best,
p.s. your entire sense of self is COMPLETELY intact. You are just not tuned into that "channel" at this point and you cannot tune into it by trying to force it.
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