Were you actually convinced? Because this is the problem I have. I think I am actually convinced that this isn't the real world. I know I can't go anywhere else, but things just aren't right and no matter how hard I try, I can't convince myself this is an illness. If I could convince myself it was an illness and could say for certain 'I have actually been in the real world all along' with some sort of conviction, that would be half the battle for me!
Did I die?
So this is the overwhelmingly stressful thought I had this evening and I just had to get it written somewhere.
I'm thinking maybe I didn't have a breakdown, maybe it's not that I'm hyperaware and that coincidences just have more of an impact on me now. Maybe I died and this is indeed not the real world.
Let's face it, it would explain alot. Why the world is so different to how it used to be. Because its not the same world, its purgatory. Why nobody reacts to me any differently when I am quite clearly not comfortable. Why I am doing normal things when I don't want to. A sick person would be being seen too and not be getting on with things. So I can't be sick, I must just be dead.
I don't remember dying, and despite all the weird shit thats happened, the time line seems to be linear. But nobody who doesn't know what he believes would be allowed to function like this.
I'm so sick of not knowing what I believe. Am I sick, am I in a different world, am I dead? I don't know!!!!
It's like those movies where something magic happens and somebody is trapped. It feels like something on a fantasy movie type scale has actually happened to me. But how could that be, movies are fiction!
If I just knew what I believed, then I could truly move on.
I'm thinking maybe I didn't have a breakdown, maybe it's not that I'm hyperaware and that coincidences just have more of an impact on me now. Maybe I died and this is indeed not the real world.
Let's face it, it would explain alot. Why the world is so different to how it used to be. Because its not the same world, its purgatory. Why nobody reacts to me any differently when I am quite clearly not comfortable. Why I am doing normal things when I don't want to. A sick person would be being seen too and not be getting on with things. So I can't be sick, I must just be dead.
I don't remember dying, and despite all the weird shit thats happened, the time line seems to be linear. But nobody who doesn't know what he believes would be allowed to function like this.
I'm so sick of not knowing what I believe. Am I sick, am I in a different world, am I dead? I don't know!!!!
It's like those movies where something magic happens and somebody is trapped. It feels like something on a fantasy movie type scale has actually happened to me. But how could that be, movies are fiction!
If I just knew what I believed, then I could truly move on.
1 - 3 of 9 Posts
I appreciate you being forthright and honest.
It's weird, sometimes you can reason with yourself and make sense of it but most of the time its as if there's a block.
For example with coincidences, everyone says they are just a funny thing about life, but there are particular ones which I literally can't look at without thinking they have meaning. People tell you there is a certain way to look at it but it's impossible.
The best analogy I can make is with feeling a bit of sandpaper. Most people know its rough, and when they touch it...it's rough! But imagine the coincidence was the sandpaper, people tell me its rough, but it feels smooth!
It's weird, sometimes you can reason with yourself and make sense of it but most of the time its as if there's a block.
For example with coincidences, everyone says they are just a funny thing about life, but there are particular ones which I literally can't look at without thinking they have meaning. People tell you there is a certain way to look at it but it's impossible.
The best analogy I can make is with feeling a bit of sandpaper. Most people know its rough, and when they touch it...it's rough! But imagine the coincidence was the sandpaper, people tell me its rough, but it feels smooth!
1 - 3 of 9 Posts
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