Did I die?

So this is the overwhelmingly stressful thought I had this evening and I just had to get it written somewhere.

I'm thinking maybe I didn't have a breakdown, maybe it's not that I'm hyperaware and that coincidences just have more of an impact on me now. Maybe I died and this is indeed not the real world.

Let's face it, it would explain alot. Why the world is so different to how it used to be. Because its not the same world, its purgatory. Why nobody reacts to me any differently when I am quite clearly not comfortable. Why I am doing normal things when I don't want to. A sick person would be being seen too and not be getting on with things. So I can't be sick, I must just be dead.

I don't remember dying, and despite all the weird shit thats happened, the time line seems to be linear. But nobody who doesn't know what he believes would be allowed to function like this.

I'm so sick of not knowing what I believe. Am I sick, am I in a different world, am I dead? I don't know!!!!

It's like those movies where something magic happens and somebody is trapped. It feels like something on a fantasy movie type scale has actually happened to me. But how could that be, movies are fiction!

If I just knew what I believed, then I could truly move on.