[Aha's Shadow]

So this is the overwhelmingly stressful thought I had this evening and I just had to get it written somewhere.

I'm thinking maybe I didn't have a breakdown, maybe it's not that I'm hyperaware and that coincidences just have more of an impact on me now. Maybe I died and this is indeed not the real world.

Let's face it, it would explain alot. Why the world is so different to how it used to be. Because its not the same world, its purgatory. Why nobody reacts to me any differently when I am quite clearly not comfortable. Why I am doing normal things when I don't want to. A sick person would be being seen too and not be getting on with things. So I can't be sick, I must just be dead.

I don't remember dying, and despite all the weird shit thats happened, the time line seems to be linear. But nobody who doesn't know what he believes would be allowed to function like this.

I'm so sick of not knowing what I believe. Am I sick, am I in a different world, am I dead? I don't know!!!!

It's like those movies where something magic happens and somebody is trapped. It feels like something on a fantasy movie type scale has actually happened to me. But how could that be, movies are fiction!

If I just knew what I believed, then I could truly move on.

 

[PerfectFifth]

If I just knew what I believed, then I could truly move on.

You can move on either way. Chances are you have a health problem, which is causing you to think of all this stuff. The way I see it that this is just your way to cope with it.

So what if you're dead or in an alternate dimension or whatever else. What is that going to change? You're still stuck here, so may as well live and stop obsessing about things that aren't going to have any impact on your life.

 

[Johqnnq]

I feel as well that i died. Heres really nothing. What can i say

 

[nicewon]

physically were not dead obviously. mentally somthing definitly is dead or has died in us i think. that purgatory shit freaks me out too.. my moms catholic and i use to be a prick to her and my dad so that purgatory shit trips me out cause maybe thats what happening to me like im being punished or something... i really feel for the past 10 years ive been cursed even before i got dp a year ago. ive had so many fucking setbacks and never any peace and happyness or succsess what ever you wanna call it.

 

[Jix]

I still get this feeling too. I even said that "this must be what a ghost feels like" except you can still interact with the world around you, however it feels like your not accually interacting with anything at all, like non of it exists or is real. I hate it.

 

[hanginginhere_ramen]

i used to be like this. ignore it. you are real. i was convinced that i had died and was in an alien prison and that my whole life was simply put before me to give me an idea of what life was and happiness, and then take it away as part of some psychological punishment. you just cant give these ideas or thoughts any weight or they will destroy you. it will be awful but you have to just power through it.

 

[Aha's Shadow]

i used to be like this. ignore it. you are real. i was convinced that i had died and was in an alien prison and that my whole life was simply put before me to give me an idea of what life was and happiness, and then take it away as part of some psychological punishment. you just cant give these ideas or thoughts any weight or they will destroy you. it will be awful but you have to just power through it.

Were you actually convinced? Because this is the problem I have. I think I am actually convinced that this isn't the real world. I know I can't go anywhere else, but things just aren't right and no matter how hard I try, I can't convince myself this is an illness. If I could convince myself it was an illness and could say for certain 'I have actually been in the real world all along' with some sort of conviction, that would be half the battle for me!

 

[hanginginhere_ramen]

Were you actually convinced? Because this is the problem I have. I think I am actually convinced that this isn't the real world. I know I can't go anywhere else, but things just aren't right and no matter how hard I try, I can't convince myself this is an illness. If I could convince myself it was an illness and could say for certain 'I have actually been in the real world all along' with some sort of conviction, that would be half the battle for me!

definitely convinced. im gonna have to give you some tough love right now man. you need to snap the fuck out of this delusion. you dont actually believe it. its just ocd making you obsess and fear over the possibility that it is true. do you really think that purgatory or hell would be like this and not infinitely many times worse? this isnt that bad. maybe some people make it out to be awful but its literally just a loss of your brains ability to calculate spatial awareness, and to understand intangible ideas without an emotional layer of reasoning. go talk to someone about this man.

 

[Aha's Shadow]

I appreciate you being forthright and honest.

It's weird, sometimes you can reason with yourself and make sense of it but most of the time its as if there's a block.

For example with coincidences, everyone says they are just a funny thing about life, but there are particular ones which I literally can't look at without thinking they have meaning. People tell you there is a certain way to look at it but it's impossible.

The best analogy I can make is with feeling a bit of sandpaper. Most people know its rough, and when they touch it...it's rough! But imagine the coincidence was the sandpaper, people tell me its rough, but it feels smooth!