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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Hi, this is as you can tell my first post - anyhow, i have dr an dp - dr started to develop around four years ago - it was only a niggling thing, nothing serious - a feeling i attributed to playing to many video games - as though by immersing myself in false realitites i lost touch of what the real reality of life was. so i stopped playing games, but as time went on it got worse. four years on, and here i am. anyhow, i personally dont see a abnormal distortion of the world, but i do challenge and question everything, even though i dont want to - in that regard the world i see i challenge, and it feels as though all the objects in the world have no depth, i am always hitting or touching them to try to comprehend it. i would like to speak more about my feelings, but i should get to the point of the post subject - throughout all these years i lost faith in everything else - i used to be a religious person - i was very convinced of my faith, but with dereal i started questioning everything, even things i knew - spirituality was the core of my life. i am 17, nearly 18, and after all these years i have sunk into an existentialist view. the only person all these years that kept me going, that motivated me was a girl i love at school, and we dont know each other that well, but we have a lot in common, and she possess the qualities i always wanted in a true friend, of which i have never had. there is actually a lot more to all this, but in short i developed an attachment to this girl so strong, she is all i care about, the only person that gives me purpose and meaning in this horrible mental state, as i feel completely alone and 'just here'. i am sure that there is someone out there who has developed some kind of attachment, and the thing is i have now finished high school, and she is in my year, yr.12, and i will never see her again, and i am constantly in a state of anxiety as to the fact that once she is gone i have nothing in this life to live for, as all the things i cared about before i developed dr / dp i no longer care for, not even myself, and i am really scared about the fact i wont see her again, as seeing her was the only motivational force in my life, and now she is gone, and i am completely alone - yet she is completely different to every other person i have met, and on the few times we have spoken, she proved to be more of a friend than all my supposed ones over the years. anyhow, i dont know what i am going to do now she is gone - i cant get over her, and i dont want to, and i am scared. please tell me i am not nuts and that at least to some extent someone else out there had / has developed some kind of an attachment like mine. thanks
 

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Discussion Starter · #2 ·
Hi, this is as you can tell my first post - anyhow, i have dr an dp - dr started to develop around four years ago - it was only a niggling thing, nothing serious - a feeling i attributed to playing to many video games - as though by immersing myself in false realitites i lost touch of what the real reality of life was. so i stopped playing games, but as time went on it got worse. four years on, and here i am. anyhow, i personally dont see a abnormal distortion of the world, but i do challenge and question everything, even though i dont want to - in that regard the world i see i challenge, and it feels as though all the objects in the world have no depth, i am always hitting or touching them to try to comprehend it. i would like to speak more about my feelings, but i should get to the point of the post subject - throughout all these years i lost faith in everything else - i used to be a religious person - i was very convinced of my faith, but with dereal i started questioning everything, even things i knew - spirituality was the core of my life. i am 17, nearly 18, and after all these years i have sunk into an existentialist view. the only person all these years that kept me going, that motivated me was a girl i love at school, and we dont know each other that well, but we have a lot in common, and she possess the qualities i always wanted in a true friend, of which i have never had. there is actually a lot more to all this, but in short i developed an attachment to this girl so strong, she is all i care about, the only person that gives me purpose and meaning in this horrible mental state, as i feel completely alone and 'just here'. i am sure that there is someone out there who has developed some kind of attachment, and the thing is i have now finished high school, and she is in my year, yr.12, and i will never see her again, and i am constantly in a state of anxiety as to the fact that once she is gone i have nothing in this life to live for, as all the things i cared about before i developed dr / dp i no longer care for, not even myself, and i am really scared about the fact i wont see her again, as seeing her was the only motivational force in my life, and now she is gone, and i am completely alone - yet she is completely different to every other person i have met, and on the few times we have spoken, she proved to be more of a friend than all my supposed ones over the years. anyhow, i dont know what i am going to do now she is gone - i cant get over her, and i dont want to, and i am scared. please tell me i am not nuts and that at least to some extent someone else out there had / has developed some kind of an attachment like mine. thanks
 

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From what I see you treasure her very much. I have a friend like that, and we still stay in contact. For the worst years of my DP he gave me incredible support, and I still think that if he ever needed me to help, I'd sacriface even my life just so he'd live.

But then, that'd make the person you treasure sad, wouldn't it?

I still have no idea where my life is headed. But at least, I know there is a person who cares for me and will be there for me when I need him. In time he may have his own life and we would not be able to see each other so often, I still find calm in the fact that he is there, and he is safe.

Possibly, you aren't just afraid of not being able to be with that friend - you're afraid of facing the world without someone there for you to hold you when you falter.

But don't be afraid! The world is a hectic place - for the people who love us, and for the people we love - live on. We should not let the people who love us feel sorrow for us.
 

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From what I see you treasure her very much. I have a friend like that, and we still stay in contact. For the worst years of my DP he gave me incredible support, and I still think that if he ever needed me to help, I'd sacriface even my life just so he'd live.

But then, that'd make the person you treasure sad, wouldn't it?

I still have no idea where my life is headed. But at least, I know there is a person who cares for me and will be there for me when I need him. In time he may have his own life and we would not be able to see each other so often, I still find calm in the fact that he is there, and he is safe.

Possibly, you aren't just afraid of not being able to be with that friend - you're afraid of facing the world without someone there for you to hold you when you falter.

But don't be afraid! The world is a hectic place - for the people who love us, and for the people we love - live on. We should not let the people who love us feel sorrow for us.
 

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Discussion Starter · #5 ·
hey thanks for the reply - yeah i do treasure her a lot, more than words could describe. And when i do speak to her, i feel safe, happy, and i feel as though i can bear the emptiness that dp and dr have caused me to believe in. Because she is so different, and i would give my life for her also, just so she might live. I actually sent her a poem as to how i was feeling about life and her, and she understood some of it, and i had eventually explained to her why i sent it and how i feel about her - (though everytime i think about what i said i wish i could have spoken more, or described things differently). I wanted to get to know her better before school finished, and sadly i cannot say that we developed a friendship i so wanted us to have before that time, because we never really got the opportunity to speak - as school is now finished. but it is nice to know that i am not the only one who feels like this, and that others, like me, do not know where there life is heading. Yet i am scared of the fact that i will have to wander through this labyrinth of life without her - because she is the only person i can connect with - no one else comes close to understanding, and if anyone could, she would - even though i never want others to have to experience dr/dp, sometimes i wish people could get into my head or experience it themselves for like a day or so so they could actually understand what it is you are going through. no one else has come close to meaning as much as this girl has to me over all these years, and i just wish we could be friends, as the intense love i have for her is one of deep respect, and as such her true friendship is all i desire. she means so much to me i cant let her go. i always try to delude myself into thinking everything is normal cause i cant deal with what i am experiencing. she means so much to me i dont want to stop talking about her on this forum. but no one i know really understands. but in two days high school is officially over, and then on around 2 occasions after that i will see her in exams for a couple of hours, and then i will be lost forever as i drift down a life i dont want to take, feeling as though i am no longer in control of my own life, like i am a gyroscope, moving through life but never really changing my direction, knowing she will be gone forever, and that i will be alone.
 

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Discussion Starter · #6 ·
hey thanks for the reply - yeah i do treasure her a lot, more than words could describe. And when i do speak to her, i feel safe, happy, and i feel as though i can bear the emptiness that dp and dr have caused me to believe in. Because she is so different, and i would give my life for her also, just so she might live. I actually sent her a poem as to how i was feeling about life and her, and she understood some of it, and i had eventually explained to her why i sent it and how i feel about her - (though everytime i think about what i said i wish i could have spoken more, or described things differently). I wanted to get to know her better before school finished, and sadly i cannot say that we developed a friendship i so wanted us to have before that time, because we never really got the opportunity to speak - as school is now finished. but it is nice to know that i am not the only one who feels like this, and that others, like me, do not know where there life is heading. Yet i am scared of the fact that i will have to wander through this labyrinth of life without her - because she is the only person i can connect with - no one else comes close to understanding, and if anyone could, she would - even though i never want others to have to experience dr/dp, sometimes i wish people could get into my head or experience it themselves for like a day or so so they could actually understand what it is you are going through. no one else has come close to meaning as much as this girl has to me over all these years, and i just wish we could be friends, as the intense love i have for her is one of deep respect, and as such her true friendship is all i desire. she means so much to me i cant let her go. i always try to delude myself into thinking everything is normal cause i cant deal with what i am experiencing. she means so much to me i dont want to stop talking about her on this forum. but no one i know really understands. but in two days high school is officially over, and then on around 2 occasions after that i will see her in exams for a couple of hours, and then i will be lost forever as i drift down a life i dont want to take, feeling as though i am no longer in control of my own life, like i am a gyroscope, moving through life but never really changing my direction, knowing she will be gone forever, and that i will be alone.
 
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Welcome to the forum.

I want to say that WE understand what you are going through! We are either suffering from dp/dr or have went through it ourselves. Lean on us!

I have heard many people get dependant on someone while going through mental issues. Women get used to their husbands being home and are afraid they can't cope when there husbands return to work. One lady was afraid of her nanny leaving as she had been with her family since her mental problems started. Change is hard. I have walked through these issues with some of these people and, although they were afraid, they adjusted and moved forward in their lives. I've went through this also, by the way.

This isn't to underplay the pain this is causing you. It sounds like this girl is very special. It is normal to feel this way towards someone and more compounding when you are suffering and feel that she is the only light in the dark hole of dp/dr. My heart goes out to you.

Have you told your parents what you are going through? Have you seen a Dr. for this? A therapist? What types of things have you tried to get relief from you symptoms?

I'm glad you found this forum. There are so many great people here to support you! YOU ARE NOT ALONE!!!

Carla
 
G

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Welcome to the forum.

I want to say that WE understand what you are going through! We are either suffering from dp/dr or have went through it ourselves. Lean on us!

I have heard many people get dependant on someone while going through mental issues. Women get used to their husbands being home and are afraid they can't cope when there husbands return to work. One lady was afraid of her nanny leaving as she had been with her family since her mental problems started. Change is hard. I have walked through these issues with some of these people and, although they were afraid, they adjusted and moved forward in their lives. I've went through this also, by the way.

This isn't to underplay the pain this is causing you. It sounds like this girl is very special. It is normal to feel this way towards someone and more compounding when you are suffering and feel that she is the only light in the dark hole of dp/dr. My heart goes out to you.

Have you told your parents what you are going through? Have you seen a Dr. for this? A therapist? What types of things have you tried to get relief from you symptoms?

I'm glad you found this forum. There are so many great people here to support you! YOU ARE NOT ALONE!!!

Carla
 

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Discussion Starter · #9 ·
Thanks, I appreciate it. I have told my parents ? my mum and sister earlier this year, and my dad a few weeks ago. But despite my best effects, and theirs, they cant really understand it. I am also seeing a counsellor, and we have just been talking about a lot of things that I may think have led up to this, and my feelings and such, what I consider to be a trigger of the feelings ? even though they are there constantly. We have also discussed CBT ? I understand its principle, and have worked accordingly, but I know I need to do a lot more ? but the anxiety and fear of never seeing this girl again after graduation has really intensified the dp/dr feelings. I only want meds as a last resort ? but don?t let this positive message fool you ? lol, since experiencing these feelings I have become quite a pessimistic person. But I do appreciate the fact that I can now express myself to people who feel similar if not exactly the same ? even though the thought of trying to move on from this girl I love so much makes me want to throw up.

But thanks anyway Carla, and thanks to everyone who reads and responds.
 

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Discussion Starter · #10 ·
Thanks, I appreciate it. I have told my parents ? my mum and sister earlier this year, and my dad a few weeks ago. But despite my best effects, and theirs, they cant really understand it. I am also seeing a counsellor, and we have just been talking about a lot of things that I may think have led up to this, and my feelings and such, what I consider to be a trigger of the feelings ? even though they are there constantly. We have also discussed CBT ? I understand its principle, and have worked accordingly, but I know I need to do a lot more ? but the anxiety and fear of never seeing this girl again after graduation has really intensified the dp/dr feelings. I only want meds as a last resort ? but don?t let this positive message fool you ? lol, since experiencing these feelings I have become quite a pessimistic person. But I do appreciate the fact that I can now express myself to people who feel similar if not exactly the same ? even though the thought of trying to move on from this girl I love so much makes me want to throw up.

But thanks anyway Carla, and thanks to everyone who reads and responds.
 
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