Hey guys, my name is George and I'm 26 years old. I got DPDR on October 9th 2019 and today I can say that I made huge progress towards my 100% recovery, so I came back to write about it. I'm not 100% recovered but I can say that I reached the classic 90%.I got DPDR due to anxiety and stress. I've been battling those things my whole life, I grew up in a relatively abusive household where I learnt from a young age that I'm useless and I got punished for it. Due to that my whole life I've been basically avoiding life. I mean sure, I made a couple of friends, I finished school, got my driver's license, I had good teen and college years. But that's basically where it ends. I was morbidly obese my whole life, never had a girlfriend/relationship, didn't finish college, don't have a job nor a clear plan for the future. I also lost both my grandparents who made my childhood amazing. That October night I got DPDR because I made the simple thought "Holy shit, I became 23 years old" and just like that hell let loose. It was like I had just realized that I'm a human on this Earth and my time is limited, couldn't handle that and so it happened.
Symptoms/fears/thoughts
Anything that had to do with existentialism
Fear of my body
Fear of the human biology
Fear of how I am me,inside my head
Fear of what exactly am I
Fear of reality
Fear of time
Fear of the universe
Fear of how we are on a ball in the middle of nowhere
Fear of death
Fear of infinity
Fear that everything is my imagination
Fear that I'm in a dream
Fear of vanishing
Fear of losing myself forever
Fear of going crazy
Fear that I had already died
Fear that I might die in any moment
Fear that I'll stop being in control of my own body
Fear of going blind
and any variation in between
Complete lack of emotions
lightheadedness/dizziness
floaters
feeling like my legs will give out
couldn't eat
felt stupid/brain fog
too tired to talk
and general mental exhaustion
Things that helped/Recovery
So if you got DPDR due to drugs or alcohol but generally your life is in order, you're probably gonna recover in a couple of weeks. Just stop caring about it and stop whatever drug gave you DPDR. If you got it due to trauma/stress/anxiety you got a lot of work to do but fear not because recovery is possible. If you are looking for an answer about when this hell will end. I think the general time you're scared shitless is 2-3 months after that it becomes manageable. But those first 3 months are a living hell and sadly I don't have any tips on how to make it easier, you just gotta let it run it's circle and try to cope as much as you can in any healthy way possible. At least that's my experience with it. Here's some tips on what helped after those first 3 months till today.
1.bookmarked 10-20 recovery stories from here and read them almost all the time
2.I tried exposure therapy as much as I could. Basically went to concerts, parties etc(things I don't normally do because I'm introverted as hell). This helps because once you realize you can survive difficult things where you have to push your mind and body to the limit the next time you feel extremely bad you can remind yourself that you survived that time.
3.Went for a walk almost every day
4.Went to a psychologist. Who then referred me to a psychiatrist. I went on antidepressants/a couple drops of antipsychotics(irrelevant dosage) and some herbal meds to help me sleep. Took all of that for 3 months, got a little better and then I stopped.
5.Started listening to audiobooks and podcasts about self improvement while out for walks
6.Did things to ease my mind. Playing video games, listening to old music. Generally mindless things that gave me this nice relaxing feel when you are exhausted.
7.Fully accepted my situation and the whole DPDR weirdness. For example, you are walking on the street, you are certain that this moment you are dying but somehow you still move your legs, you still reach your home and things are just the way you left them. You go to your room and sleep, only to wake up the next day still alive. Once you accept this whole chaos you know you are moving to the right direction.
8.Accept reality and don't ask questions you can't answer. No one on this Earth knows what they are. They just live their lives. You should too. Accept that you are you, inside your body and somehow you are moving it. Somehow humans are the way they are. Somehow things are the way they are and they will continue to be regardless you think about it or not. You can't alter reality. I know it's hard to just stop caring. But it comes with time, which brings me to my next and most important tip
9.GIVE YOURSELF TIME. DPDR is not your enemy. It is there for a reason. You gotta prove to your brain that you can get your life together and then it will go away. People get detached all the time they just don't dwell on it
10.I read stories and watched videos on youtube about actual hardship(homelessness, terminal illness, serial killer victims, victims of extreme violence etc. Anything to remind myself that I should be grateful that I just got a temporary thing that basically helped me to change my life around*
IN CONCLUSION
For me DPDR doesn't exist. What exists is depression and emotional exhaustion. You simply made too many wrong choices in your life and you couldn't cope anymore thus your brain shut down the part which handles emotion so it can rest. The whole existential weirdness comes from the fact that you try to explain what is happening with you. Newsflash, nothing out of the ordinary is happening to you. You had a perfectly normal and harmless response to stress/trauma/anxiety. You basically have the same chances of randomly dying as you did before you got DPDR. Your body works perfectly fine. Once your emotions return you will feel normal again. Because that's what keeps us tethered to reality. EMOTIONS. Now it's time to give yourself time and let it run it's cycle. There is no right or wrong way to recovery. With time the classic life troubles come back and those existential nonsense fades. For me it's finally clear that I have to live my life because I wasted enough time. That's the good thing with DPDR, it was that magic "click" in my brain I wished for all my life so I can finally start to do correct life decisions. For example with DPDR I finally managed to drop from 130kg(286lbs) to 98kg(216lbs) and I'm still going. I have already made plans to go on vacation in the summer with a friend of mine for the first time in my life, I also have plans to finally join the dating scene and try to find a meaningful relationship. I guess DPDR was everything I wished for but I guess the saying is true: Be careful what you wish for. That's pretty much it. I'm bored to double check my post for spelling/grammar mistakes. If you got any questions feel free to ask.
Symptoms/fears/thoughts
Anything that had to do with existentialism
Fear of my body
Fear of the human biology
Fear of how I am me,inside my head
Fear of what exactly am I
Fear of reality
Fear of time
Fear of the universe
Fear of how we are on a ball in the middle of nowhere
Fear of death
Fear of infinity
Fear that everything is my imagination
Fear that I'm in a dream
Fear of vanishing
Fear of losing myself forever
Fear of going crazy
Fear that I had already died
Fear that I might die in any moment
Fear that I'll stop being in control of my own body
Fear of going blind
and any variation in between
Complete lack of emotions
lightheadedness/dizziness
floaters
feeling like my legs will give out
couldn't eat
felt stupid/brain fog
too tired to talk
and general mental exhaustion
Things that helped/Recovery
So if you got DPDR due to drugs or alcohol but generally your life is in order, you're probably gonna recover in a couple of weeks. Just stop caring about it and stop whatever drug gave you DPDR. If you got it due to trauma/stress/anxiety you got a lot of work to do but fear not because recovery is possible. If you are looking for an answer about when this hell will end. I think the general time you're scared shitless is 2-3 months after that it becomes manageable. But those first 3 months are a living hell and sadly I don't have any tips on how to make it easier, you just gotta let it run it's circle and try to cope as much as you can in any healthy way possible. At least that's my experience with it. Here's some tips on what helped after those first 3 months till today.
1.bookmarked 10-20 recovery stories from here and read them almost all the time
2.I tried exposure therapy as much as I could. Basically went to concerts, parties etc(things I don't normally do because I'm introverted as hell). This helps because once you realize you can survive difficult things where you have to push your mind and body to the limit the next time you feel extremely bad you can remind yourself that you survived that time.
3.Went for a walk almost every day
4.Went to a psychologist. Who then referred me to a psychiatrist. I went on antidepressants/a couple drops of antipsychotics(irrelevant dosage) and some herbal meds to help me sleep. Took all of that for 3 months, got a little better and then I stopped.
5.Started listening to audiobooks and podcasts about self improvement while out for walks
6.Did things to ease my mind. Playing video games, listening to old music. Generally mindless things that gave me this nice relaxing feel when you are exhausted.
7.Fully accepted my situation and the whole DPDR weirdness. For example, you are walking on the street, you are certain that this moment you are dying but somehow you still move your legs, you still reach your home and things are just the way you left them. You go to your room and sleep, only to wake up the next day still alive. Once you accept this whole chaos you know you are moving to the right direction.
8.Accept reality and don't ask questions you can't answer. No one on this Earth knows what they are. They just live their lives. You should too. Accept that you are you, inside your body and somehow you are moving it. Somehow humans are the way they are. Somehow things are the way they are and they will continue to be regardless you think about it or not. You can't alter reality. I know it's hard to just stop caring. But it comes with time, which brings me to my next and most important tip
9.GIVE YOURSELF TIME. DPDR is not your enemy. It is there for a reason. You gotta prove to your brain that you can get your life together and then it will go away. People get detached all the time they just don't dwell on it
10.I read stories and watched videos on youtube about actual hardship(homelessness, terminal illness, serial killer victims, victims of extreme violence etc. Anything to remind myself that I should be grateful that I just got a temporary thing that basically helped me to change my life around*
IN CONCLUSION
For me DPDR doesn't exist. What exists is depression and emotional exhaustion. You simply made too many wrong choices in your life and you couldn't cope anymore thus your brain shut down the part which handles emotion so it can rest. The whole existential weirdness comes from the fact that you try to explain what is happening with you. Newsflash, nothing out of the ordinary is happening to you. You had a perfectly normal and harmless response to stress/trauma/anxiety. You basically have the same chances of randomly dying as you did before you got DPDR. Your body works perfectly fine. Once your emotions return you will feel normal again. Because that's what keeps us tethered to reality. EMOTIONS. Now it's time to give yourself time and let it run it's cycle. There is no right or wrong way to recovery. With time the classic life troubles come back and those existential nonsense fades. For me it's finally clear that I have to live my life because I wasted enough time. That's the good thing with DPDR, it was that magic "click" in my brain I wished for all my life so I can finally start to do correct life decisions. For example with DPDR I finally managed to drop from 130kg(286lbs) to 98kg(216lbs) and I'm still going. I have already made plans to go on vacation in the summer with a friend of mine for the first time in my life, I also have plans to finally join the dating scene and try to find a meaningful relationship. I guess DPDR was everything I wished for but I guess the saying is true: Be careful what you wish for. That's pretty much it. I'm bored to double check my post for spelling/grammar mistakes. If you got any questions feel free to ask.
