first time i got it from a bad trip from spice (i dont know if you know what it is its like synthetic weed). i had suffered like first year several and at the second year i noticed i can live a beautiful life despite this shit. then with every passed month it faded out..
desperate
hey people, I’m really desperate. It is not the fact that I suffer from dpdr that makes me despair, but that I am someone who had once managed to get out of being an 18-year-old and was symptom-free for more than 8 years. I fell back 9 months ago and the derealisation is very bizarre this time. it feels so terrible when you stop for a moment and notice what (beautiful) emotions you had felt when you were outside in an autumn weather with light rain, had your new jacket on and wandered through the area. I just looked at my whatsapp profile picture on which I am to see with my girlfriend and realized that this girl has a real healthy life and every day hopes that this man is better. this state will break my relationship sooner or later.. back then the dpdr was fucking no matter to me. I had friends who meant a lot to me, for whom I would die without blinking the eyelashes. when I was on the road with them and had fun, the dpdr had no meaning at all for me. It was extremely marginal. I thought I could live with it forever and forever and I wouldn’t mind at all. But after a while I became symptom-free. But this time it’s something completely different. I would almost claim there are quite different symptoms..I am very desperate..I have very great anxiety to never get out of this mental cage again..
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this time i dont really know why but i would bet on several emotional stress and depression what had caused anxiety. I have been trying to persuade myself those feelings are not depression but psychosisAnd when you got it first how long you suffered?
i can relate bud.coming from someone who had relapsed after once being profoundly better, i can tell you my relapse was a completely different beast aswell. My assumption being this is primarily an obsessive thought-anxiety fueled disorder. If youre anything like me, i was actively trying to do everything i had done previously to recover to recover now with the EXPECTATION to get better which is the biggest down fall. When you EXPECT things to happen you are waiting around to feel better and arent actively focusing yourself away from the thought pattern. I struggle with this greatly. The end goal is to completely switch your routine up, stay constantly active, and if you need an anti-anxiety JUST to bridge you out of the beginning terrors until youre somewhat able to function and perform the correct healing modalities, then do so.
but my situation is a lil bit different. former i had a level of dpdr i could thought „dont give a fuck my life is despite wonderful"
so my intension is not to be active because i want to get out of it. im desperate of the weird nature of those symptoms its really horrible man.
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