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Derealization induced from molly. 4 months. HELP

4227 Views 12 Replies 7 Participants Last post by  jessie1133
Hey my name is Jessica im 18 years old and a pretty normal girl. I don't really know where to start with this but ill share all my disorganized thought, QUESTIONS, concerns, ect of the inner thinking's of my mind. So at the end of may of this year I took a whole bunch of molly (MDMA) with my friend. And well that day changed my life. Id say I suffer more from DEREALIZATION then depersonalization. My biggest symptoms is that my VISION in the LIGHT is super perceived and dereal. Ill take you threw the months of my DPD. The first month I was a wreak! I didn't know what was going on with me, why things were the way that they were ect. I had constant high anxiety, VISION PERCEPTION, verbal impartment (stuttering, talking to fast, forgetting what I was talking about), headaches, ou know the symptoms. I stayed in my room that whole month taking my self away from my horse, friends, work, any thing social and anything to do with OUTSIDE. By the begging of the 2 month I still had all the same feelings. I ended up going to a 3 day festival were you camped and the weather was 95 degrees. That weekend I drank a energy drink and had anxiety the whole time that ruined the whole thing for me. After not sleeping for 2 days all the symptoms got worse and I had a sever panic attack. When I came home I told my self it was time to go to the doctors. My doctored told me I had a sinus, I treated it and my symptoms were still there. Came back and he prescribed my XANEX to take for a month. During the second month (July) I tried to get out more but the same feelings. By August I moved out my mom to my dads. The change in environment help but it was still there ALWAYS IN THE DAY TIME THOUGH. I came to except the fact that I have dr/dp. I starting hanging out with my friends, going to partys (not doing drugs) and that helped me to feel a bit normal. But even though my anxity was going down my VISION is the same. By the 3rd month (September) I was hanging out a lot with my friends and trying my best to avoid my DR/DP. None of my friends can tell that there is something wrong with me but of course I know. Now at the * FOURTH MONTH MARK* this is how I feel.. I feel like my DR/DP in highly caused by the VISUAL disturbance in the light. When im out side it feel and looks so alien that I dread going outside. At night time I feel any where from 85-99 percent normal witch im so greatful for. I still have a bunch of anxiety but its more manageable. o and I have lucid dream and sleep paralysis ( its horrible). So anyways growing up I had a very dysfunction, unstable life. I was in foster and was blocked out of my parents life all starting at the age of 12. those years were very emotionally scaring for me. And I think that those years are the underlining of my dr/dp/anxiety/depression. This disorder is captivating my life. I dropped out of college, im to scared to get my CNA job, and im terrified of the DAYLIGHT. This needs to change and I wont settle to hear that there isn't any "cure". I feel like if I got rid of the visual perception id feel pretty normal. Id do anything to feel normal agin.

But my main point of this is HOW CAN I MAKE IT GO AWAY?!?! why is it visual? what are things to make it better? Why dose this happen? And your guys success stories? Thank you! PLEASE HELP ME

P.S I went to the eye doctor a couple weeks ago and I have 20/20 vision.
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Your mind is fragmented from emotional trauma, so what you're experiencing is a fragmented and disconnected view of the world surrounding you. The eyes are the gateway to your soul in this world, and when you're soul is broken and hurt, you view the world in the same way. You've more than likely experienced unresolved trauma or fear from the past that you've never processed properly and it was brought to the surface during your high and you dissociated from yourself. When these emotions kicked in, it brought along a feeling of panic and fear that left you with what is called "hyper-vigilance" or "hyper-awareness" in which makes you aware of every little detail that your senses point out to you. When you couple the DP with hyper-awareness, the symptoms can be terrifying...leaving a person to feel as if they are simply a set of eyes walking this earth.

Calming down the fear is the first step....a fragmented mind trying make assumptions about the harm one may or may not have done to itself does nothing but breed more fear which prolongs hyper-awareness. Calm yourself down with meditation, exercise, and distraction exercises such as puzzles or chores.

Best of luck, we've all been in the broken down place that you are right is a very painful process to go through, but if you work hard at recovery, you will learn more about yourself than you ever dreamed possible.

Feel free to PM me if things get tough.
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P.S. - stop using "Molly" should actually be the first step
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