[Peaches]

Hi there,

I am brand new to this site and fairly new to DP/DR. I have struggled all my life off and on with anxiety and OCD. I have struggled with health anxiety mostly, as well as pure o OCD type thoughts.

At the beginning of July, my neighbour passed away which sent me spiralling into my first panic attack in 5 years. Up until then, my anxiety had seemed totally under control. The morning after my panic attack, I woke up feeling as though nothing around me was real and everything had changed forever. I had the thought "what if nothing is real, the universe doesn't exist and everything is in my head". This thought caused complete panic for about 3 weeks straight. I constantly felt dread, and like everything around me was made of clay or something. The more I read about it, the more I think I suffer from derealization, and rarely a little bit of depersonalization.

I dealt with intense fear of psychosis. I went to the doctor multiple times where I was assured it was just anxiety, but I couldn't seem to accept it. I got better two times for a couple days, but both times I let the panic set back in and ended up back where I started, if not worse.

However, with many ups and downs, I think I have improved. For awhile I was feeling better except everything around me still felt "wrong" or "off". The scariest thing for me has been looking outside... I would get severe anxiety at the thought of existence and looking around at the world. I felt like every morning when I got up I couldn't recognize the outside world. Sometimes I would have to close the curtains and ignore outdoors... I was very scared that this would never go away... it almost seemed like I would look out the window just to confirm my fears. I would look out, feel a wave of panic, and say "yep, the derealization is still there". But I got back to university, and since Tuesday I have felt 90% better. I would think about the fears every so often, but they wouldn't scare me. I would forget that outside was "weird", so I guess it seemed normal or I just didn't think about it.
That being said, I am going to a party tomorrow, and realized I can't drink alcohol. I'm not a big drinker, but every once in a while I like to drink and go out with my friends. The thought made me scared and sad that I will never get to be my true self again. This seems to have re sparked some fear in me that there is something wrong with my brain, the universe is weird, I'll never be myself, a switch has flipped that can't be flipped back, etc.
I can't stop crying because I just feel like I'm forever changed, that I'll never truly beat this, it will always come back to haunt me. I have an amazing life, an amazing boyfriend, and I love my family so much. I was such a happy person with an incredible life before this. I'm scared I'll never have that all back. I want to be that person again for myself and for those that I love. It's hard to imagine a life where I will be stuck distracting myself from scary existential thoughts all the time, or where I can't even relax and have some wine with my boyfriend or my family.

I have also been prescribed anti anxiety medication, but have opted not to take it. As I don't have generalized anxiety, I just have this specific fear, I feel that medication may not be the answer for me. I think I need to learn how to cope with my thoughts and not be scared. I think I have mostly moved on from the existential thoughts of "what if nothing exists", etc. Now I'm more afraid of the symptoms, and afraid I'm near completely losing touch with everything.

I am currently seeing a counsellor and working on CBT techniques.

I am hoping for only positive comments. I think I just need support and reassurance to keep fighting this and not slip back into the intense panic and anxiety for the third time.

 

[Grindelwald]

It is not psychosis because you don't really believe it. You are just "scared" that it "might" be true. Your doctor is right, it is severe anxiety. You should take the medication he prescribed to you. These feelings will get better with time, I promise.

 

[allison84]

Hi
It's anxiety nothing more or worse
I have ocd and health anxiety, its good your in therapy
Cognitive behavior therapy is the best treatment for ocd/health anxiety,there are books on the treatment for OCD and health anxiety that teach you cognitive behavior therapy.
If you have google books have a search for some books on ocd or health anxiety .
The dr or dp is from the severe anxiety you been having , thats what triggered off dr dp for me .

The worst thing for OCD or health anxiety is to research symptoms of illnessess that your fearful of getting or having .

Ocd is pretty much the same as health anxiety
Do you have somatic health anxiety ?
I do which means that I start to produce real physical or mental feelings , frim just thinking about it at least iam now aware of this.

Research as much as you can about the best treatment for ocd/ health anxiety and you will have a better understanding of what it is and why you are making it worse ..

Ocd or health anxiety is horrid ive dealt with both for many many years , but it is manageable once we have the tools on how to beat it...

 

[willbarwa]

I'm currently in therapy and let me tell you I learned a lot about anxiety and what it can do to the body and mind. It's a sneaky little snake and it will tell you it lies like no other. Anxiety is the main culprit to many things like OCD, intrusive thoughts, panic, nervousness, fidgeting, worrying, etc.

It lies dormant when you believe it doesn't exist. You tell yourself there is no way I have anxiety. But you said it best, you've had it all your life. Think about it, by now, anxiety has rooted itself into your mind like an automatic switch that goes off pretty much whenever there is any kind of stimulus. And yet the irony is that this anxiety most of us try to fight, we end up fueling it causing a vicious cycle.

ALL these thoughts, I repeat, all these thoughts you are having are learned responses that you, unfortunately, have been nurturing. In turn, your anxiety swells up and produces more of these intrusive thoughts that you were trying to get rid of in the first place.

Anxiety is an antagonist to the present. It is as almost as this mental state can only exist in two dimensions: the past and the future, neither of which you have any control over.

It is this powerlessness we fear and loathe but it is also what creates the need to question things. In some, these are benign curiosities and in others it creates tidal waves.

Am I saying all you have to do is stop over-thinking? Yes.

Will that be easy? Heck no.

We are humans, thoughts about the past, present and future is what sets us apart from the rest of the animal kingdom, therefore, shutting out regrets about the past and worries of the future will not be an easy thing to accomplish. This will take time and if your anxiety is severe, then a little bit of medication may help you.

I'm not advocating that meds are the way to go. They should be the last resort and in small dosages too.

Your DP is caused my anxiety. Some go through a major panic attack ( I did) and then get DP a few days later. Others seem to get it out of nowhere, although, I must contest that notion since anxiety can be cleverly hidden and giving off false signals. Such is the foul trickery of this anxiety! It is a wolf in sheep's clothing.