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I’ve never gotten this "Depersonalization" stuff checked out before by a real doctor or by a phycologist, but I’m fourteen years old and this depersonalization stuff has been getting worse and worse as my life goes on. I can’t really explain it in words how I feel but looking in the mirror, hearing my voice, and feeling myself doesn’t feel like me, I know it’s me but at the same time it’s like I’m a spirit just possessing a vessel. It’s also like I live in a 24/7 dream like state. It’s hard for my head to rap the idea of real life, like I know I’m living, but it feels like I don’t exist as if I’m playing a game. I also get hardcore mood swings and start thinking about suicide and get supper depressed for no reason at all. My depersonalization is at that stage where my mind maintains this mindless state of blankness and I don’t feel anything but I still do at the same time. It’s getting so bad to the point where I can’t recognize myself by my name and face, it’s like if I cut myself I would feel the pain, but won’t believe the pain because my brain doesn’t see reality as reality. I am at that stage where I just don’t care anymore, like I have school work and do my school work because it’s important, but I just don’t care about it. This type of feeling has always been with me as long as I can remember. I’m also too afraid of going to a phycologist as I wouldn’t know what my parents would do, my mom would honestly probably send me into a mental hospital.
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