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Depersonalization or dementia

736 Views 12 Replies 4 Participants Last post by  Kieranwillz98
I’m really worried that I have had a stroke or suffered brain damage which has led me to believe that it’s more than depersonalization

. I’m conscious of every action i do because it don’t feel like me doing it at all and I don’t know what’s right or wrong anymore

. Brain completely blank no thoughts at all just silence

. I repeat the same things over and over again with our being able to stop

. I can’t plan ahead

. I can’t visualise what I want to do

. I can’t reason with myself

. I got no memories

.I got no identity

. Struggle with conversations hurts my head

. Feel stuck on repeat everyday

. Leg won’t stop tapping

. Can’t stop twirling hair

. Struggle to get dressed as I don’t no what I like to wear or what I used to like

This can’t just be depersonalization because I pI’m just on repeat with everything I do and say and can’t control it I can’t control anything I do or say does anyone relate because it’s getting really scary now dunno if it’s a stroke
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I relate with some of your symptoms and I know that many people here would relate to the others. We don't necessarily all share the same symptoms individually but from what you describe there is no symptoms you have that I haven't had or read about on the forum.
What symptoms do you experience if you don’t mind me asking x
Right now it's mostly a feeling of unreality and a kind of emotional detachment from places, and people. I feel a bit self conscious with people but it used to be much worse before. Also I feel it is hard for me to have long term plans or even know what I want sometimes. I also have addictive behavior and a hard time controlling my behavior. Sometimes I know what I would like to do but it's like I am not in control of taking action. I cant do something for hours and then at some point I start doing it and I don't know why now, it's almost like I am not in control. Or I am doing something addictive, like watching YouTube for hours, and it's like I want to stop but can't make it happen even when lack of sleep starts to be very problematic for me (not just a matter of wanting to do something more useful). I feel I'm still recovering from a period of lack of sleep I had more than a month ago. I also have memory issues that are really problematic at work but I can't be sure if it is related to dpdr. In general it is all going a bit better now. I also used to have depersonalization episodes too where it was as if I didn't know who I was anymore, and this was the worst for me. It was like I had lost the feeling of familiarity with my own family, my friends and with myself. My worst episodes were about that. For a time I was also thinking I might have schizophrenia because of how crazy it felt and it was really hard. Also it seemed like most people were not taking me seriously when I was talking about it. A friend of mine was kind of mocking me for saying that and it looked like he thought I was making everything up out of anxiety, even the dpdr. Then I let go of this idea as I saw I was still not having hallucinations or any clear sign of psychosis after a long time of being afraid of it. And so many people who had dpdr were talking about fear of schizophrenia and never had it, so I thought it must be common to think that. I still had other symptoms to deal with though. But I don't think I have ever had blank mind but many other people here could probably talk about it.
Yeah I get all that you experience , but your so lucky that you can still work and still live your life in that way and not have a blank mind , but it’s feels like for me my mind is completely silent no thoughts , don’t know what to do as I have no thoughts , I can’t make decisions as I don’t know who I am or what I like anymore , it’s come down to every time I speak and I don’t know if you have this it’s like it’s not me taking at all like it’s just happening and I find myself repeating my self over and over about my symptoms and blank mind as if it’s like my mind is malfunctioning I don’t know how I’m going to come out of this , even if I am at all I feel to far gone , and generally feel like I’m just waiting for the dementia to kill me by making me forget how to breathe and rob everything I love out of life I don’t see anyone on here with the same symptoms as mine as severe which is really making me doubt it’s just depersonalization and more of Damage from a stroke causing vascular dementia because it’s feels like I can’t visualise places , can’t watch tv because i feels like the information isn’t going in same thing as when people are speaking my mind just answers and I don’t take the information in , I have no sense of self or any thoughts to push my self and have a normal life because nothing feels real and is if I’m crazy and don’t want me to do it , I’m really fucked just unfair at 25 this is how my life is going to end
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Everyone is a little bit demented due to things like depression and aging. I think DPSH claiming dementia would be very offensive to a stroke survivor or Alzheimers patient. Anxiety makes us more aware of things that might be "wrong" with our minds and bodies while stress is known to lower mood and cognitive function. You're saying it can't be this or that, but you're not a doctor nor are people supposed to diagnose themselves. Additionally, the idea that depersonalization and dementia is an either-or thing makes no sense. You should get medically cleared if you haven't already and then begin working on mental health recovery provided you're cleared. I've heard it's harder to get the NHS to care about mental or physical problems compared to other countries' health care systems so I'm sorry about that. If it's any consolation, depersonalization is neglected most places around the world. I'm not a doctor but I don't think hair twirling is a dementia symptom.
I do need to get medically cleared but my doctors don’t believe me because I have anxiety on my record they put it’s down to that , so they won’t refer me to a neurologist so I can’t know , they don’t realise how serious wha Tim going threw is I say the same things over and over again about my symptoms I can’t stop like a tic , I don’t feel In control of me saying it like literally not at all like I’m not even here , I can’t remember anything about myself or memories , I feeel as if I’m acting really weird or doing things and saying I wouldn’t normally say as I have to force my self to speak even tho there’s no thoughts there so it comes out weird looks things that wouldn’t make sense , I can’t leave my house as I can’t plan or know what to do at all nothing feels real and it feels like I just no control or what I do or say or we’re I go it’s completely gone , and I wake up every night not knowing we’re I am like I know physically like I can say it we’re I am but I can’t be there 100% sure in my brain , and last night I swear I had TIA (mini stroke) as I couldn’t move and my one eye went completely blurry and couldn’t see out of it for 5 minuets then went away , I’m not like majority of the Poeople on here so I don’t generally believe it’s brain damage or dementia and my life’s of over I just have no control whatsoever and just watching myself losing my mind and watching everyone around me get frustrated and angry because they expect me to snap out of it but I can’t and expect me to speak about anything ilelae but it’s like I physically havnt got the Brian process to do it anymore like to know who I am what I like doing , what’s the right thing to do , and do normal things they normal people do I’m completely dissoocnented form everything . Just seems completely different from the last time I I had depersonalization I still had thoughts just didn’t feel like me this time I have nothing , had flu and severe stress and smoked a strong spliff and I think I’ve just broke my Brian completely
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Are you taking any meds, therapy etc? How long have you been in this situation? I've also feeling basically what you said. And what have been helping me is accept the situation so always when I'm woried if I'm going crazy/demented I stop and think "What if I'm really going crazy? What can I do to revert it? Awenser: just accept it"
I’m currently on citalopram but it’s just not working whatsoever if anything I think it’s making me worse and I got a psychotherapist which I pay for but he’s convinced it’s anxiety and depersonalization and stress but I’m seeing him on Thursday and I want answers why I’m feeling like this and it’s just can’t be down to that … , what symptoms have you got out of them ? And I wish I could say that to myself , but I got no inner voice and anything I do say to my self don’t feel real and I should believe it , and I can’t accept it because it’s like my body just acting and I got no choice whatsoever what it does and every time I speak I can’t control it and feel like I’m far away and it’s just happening and I’m aware of it it’s feels like it shouldn’t be possible , and I can’t accept it because it’s like if I just accept every thoughts and feel like I’m not in control of anything what am I going to end up doing because it’s like my brain doesn’t know what to do anymore like it’s forgot everything about myself and what I like doing like I’ve been wiped completely even down to picking something to watch on the tv don’t feel like me picking it and what to watch when it would of been automatic before and that’s really makes me feel uncomfortable and get get my head around that like I have no control at all just a blank mind not knowing whether I’m doing something wrong or not and when I watch tv it it’s just like I’m seeing people moving no information going into my head …. Literally everything I do I got no thoughts , no voice , everything I do don’t feel like me , and I can feel the little bit of left of me just fading away to a point we’re I don’t know what’s going on or we’re I am and I’m totally gone because there’s no way I can get my thoughts back and feelings and emotions and in control of my speech , I’m convinced I’m losing my mind or developing dementia from mini strokes or from brain damage from encephalitis which I swear I had from flu and Covid or I’m in a psychosis from smoking weed , anyone else they serious or ??
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I know that you feel like that, you are not faking it and the suffering is real. But I would like to say that even though you feel like that it doesn't mean you have dementia, or schizophrenia, or brain damage.
  • Almost all your symptoms can be checked to what people with DPDR experience even if you have them to an unbearable level:

  • It doesn't feel real, yes
  • blank mind, yes
  • not feeling like it's you doing things, yes
  • your mind is not telling you what to do, yes
  • reality doesn't look real, yes
  • absolutely, feeling like you are losing yourself, yes
  • can't have a shower or feed yourself, strong anxiety has definitely done this to me
  • things feel like they are "spaced away", yes
  • feeling like nobody's home, yes
  • blank silent mind, yes
  • no thoughts, yes
  • feeling like you are being controlled, maybe. I had the same in the sense that things didn't feel like mine, or my actions didn't feel like they originated from my intentions. But I wouldn't say I felt controlled, like by someone else, I mean I didn't recognize myself, but I also didn't feel the presence of someone else controlling me, I don't know if this is what you mean. Maybe it's just a choice of words.
  • body feels numb, yes, but not in the sense that you literally can't feel pain if you pinch yourself, for example, but more in the sense that you feel totally disconnected from the sensation, or lack of awareness of body position.
  • can't visualize images, yes
  • no sense of identity, absolutely, that's the core of DP
  • can't relive memories, a lot of people say this about blank mind
  • everybody looks strange and unfamiliar, absolutely classical DP
  • feeling like you are going to become brain dead, yes. Some people also feel like they are about to disappear. It all is pretty frightening.
  • feeling like you have dementia. Yes, I do have that right now and I am 38.
  • can't plan ahead, yes
  • obsessing over blank mind, yes
  • feeling like your personality has changed, definitely
  • can't be alone out of fear of not taking care of yourself, that doesn't sound surprising to me, it sounds similar to the fear of disappearing. And as a matter of fact, I actually have problems taking care of myself when I am alone. Last week I ate almost nothing except for when I was at work with colleagues.
  • feeling like it's not you saying what you are saying, yes absolutely
  • feeling like you are going insane, absolutely, very frequent
  • can't visualize places, yes
  • seeing blurry from one eye for 5 minutes, not really, but anxiety can make us focus on things that we would not care about usually. And as I said before, I know someone who temporarily completely lost her eyesight from depression and lost some sensations in her finger tips, so I wouldn't be surprised. Maybe.
  • feeling paralized, if you mean you were trying to move muscles and they felt totally numb, and if it happened when falling asleep or waking up it can be sleep paralysis which happens to a lot of people, sometimes during disturbed sleep patterns but not necessarily. So maybe. But if you mean that it is difficult to actually make the decision to get up, I definitely have that a lot personally.
  • not taking information in, anxiety did that to me

So I count 26 yes to DPDR and anxiety and 3 maybes. This seems to really point to DPDR.
  • You thought it could be a stroke and you got tested and they didn't find any sign of stroke. It points toward it not being caused by brain damage.
  • You have had DPDR before and according to the forum DPDR does come back for some people and very often it is different the second time. I have never heard of brain damage causing DPDR-like symptoms but stronger. Nobody on the forum complained of strong DPDR symptoms and were eventually diagnosed with brain damage.
  • Weed doesn't cause brain damage as far as I know. People have taken ridiculous amounts of weed to the point they were unconscious and unresponsive and they didn't have brain damage as a result. But people constantly get DPDR from it. Again it is really pointing towards DPDR.
  • I don't know about an infection causing it, I have never heard that, but you have to admit that it would be a coincidence to get brain damage from an infection and get very DPDR-looking symptoms right after smoking a large amount of weed that notoriously causes DPDR.
Nobody here is a doctor and it would actually be illegal in a lot of places to pretend to give you a diagnosis, only a doctor can. But you have to admit that from our place we would think it really looks like DPDR and it seems that this is what actual doctors told you. But you say you don't think it is because it is much stronger than the first time, and you feel it is much stronger than what people on the forum have experienced, and this seems to be your biggest reason. Not the detail of each symptoms, because they all seem compatible with DPDR, but their intensity.
So technically, DPDR can have different intensities, and if you had the same symptoms but with a lower intensity, you would say that they are caused by DPDR, right? And now if we consider the same symptoms but slightly stronger, and yet stronger, at some point you would say "no, now it can't be DPDR because DPDR can't be that strong". So there is a limit of symptom intensity over which it can't be DPDR according to you. You are over that limit, so you conclude it can't just be DPDR. But how did you decide of that limit? (actual question) What if you are wrong about that limit?
Because I would argue that there are other people on the forum who have had it pretty badly too like you. Maybe not in current posts, but there were people not so long ago who were even talking about ending their lives because of how strong their symptoms were. So it seems to me like others have had pretty serious symptoms too. It's not a walk in the park. DPDR can really be terrible.
And by saying it looks like DPDR it is really not my intention to downplay it. But if indeed it is strong DPDR it is best that you find help for that without losing time. There is often something wrong with psychiatrists, in my experience, where if you come to them with one theory about what you have, very often they think it is enough to just prove you wrong and then let you go home. They would say "your symptoms are caused by anxiety" and let you go home as if you knew what to do with that. I think it is important to tell them that your symptoms are unbearable and that you can't keep going like that. Don't make them spend energy proving you wrong, make them spend energy helping you. Because it is obvious your situation is unbearable. Anxiety and/or DPDR if this is what you have as they say, are definitely not nothing. NoDevils is right, you can go and ask to be taken to a mental institution for a few weeks. I have a sibling who was at the end of their life because their symptoms (not DPDR) were absolutely unbearable. They went there and it was the beginning of a new life for them. You just tell them what you feel, they give you pills, you let go. The worst that can happen is that you feel high and give yourself some vacation from trying to solve this or extrapolate about your future. And if you start to have clear symptoms of a stroke, you will have professional doctors all around you instead of being at home. My point is not that you should not feel bad about it, because you do and anybody in your shoes would, but I hope you can get the proper amount of help for your situation.

(By the way, even if you did have schizophrenia, which only a doctor could say and so far they didn't, your life would definitely not be over. There are many treatments that work. I have a close friend with schizophrenia and he is absolutely normal thanks to his treatment. I have been just like you but about the fear of having schizophrenia, like many. But interestingly I didn't have DPDR to that intensity before, and I have never had schizophrenia, so how could I compare the two if I have no experience of each? How could I know which one I had, especially when I didn't have any of the most classical symptoms of schizophrenia? And yet I was really afraid of it, just like so many people report it on the forum)
Thankyou so much for taking the time to write that long message I just hope your right and it is just dpdr , I have a appointment Keith my psychiatrist Wednesday so I’ll have a chat with him about everything and see what he thinks aswell , hopefully we can get though this and live. A normal life again considering it’s not stroke or brain damage or dementia Thankyou again bro
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