5 and 1/2 years ago I smoked marijuana with a friend of mine.
We were sitting on his garage floor passing a joint back and forth..and then it happened. Everything became delayed, my vision became of that of a stobe light, and I felt completely removed (hovering) above my body. I panicked and for the rest of the 2 hours I was high I was miserable just wanting it all to end. I would go in and out of consciousness and didn't know where I was. My movements didn't feel real and I didn't feel in control. My high ended and I went back home to go back to living my normal life again (or so I thought) a week later I was just going about my business when all of a sudden I felt high again...I quickly closed my eyes in fear. I ran to a computer to look up what could possibly be happening to me. "Oh okay THC takes a while to get out of your system well I can deal with that".
But it didn't go away...
Months and months went by and I continued to feel high and completely disconnected from my body. The world around me seemed completely different then what it was before and my family appeared strange and foreign to me. I started going to a psychologist but he couldn't help me because he didn't know what I was going through or even what I had. Over 5 and 1/2 years I went to multiple psychologists, psychiatrists, and behavior therapists only to sit on their couches week to week telling them how bad my life was because I now had Depersonalization and Derealization. It was earlier this year and I had one of the worst episodes with Depersonalization and Derealization I had ever experienced. I became agoraphobic and secluded myself to my bedroom day after day. I would literally wake up walk and turn on video games and just sit there all day until it was time to go to bed and lay in bed with the pajamas I never took off and go to sleep. It was a miserable way of living and my depression and anxiety just loomed over my very being.
Something happened to me...
I came down to the lowest point and decided I was done. I was done just sitting here in fear of my life and existence. Something deep inside told me that I wasn't done and that I was going to fight this thing. I was so far down in my depression, Depersonalization, Derealization, and agoraphobia that I decided then and there I would beat this and when I did I was going to help others beat it too. It was hard but I took steps and first started treating my agoraphobia. I had little victories like getting out of my room one day, then sitting in the living room another day, and then spending time with my family again. I pushed myself and it wasnt immediate but it happened gradually over time. I was able to take a step outside again and then walk around my yard again. I took notes and reminded myself how far I've come and not to give up. After months and months and months of working on this I decided now I was going to work on my Depersonalization. I compiled all my notes from over the years of research and studying I had done and worked on what I knew worked and what I knew didn't work.
Where people go wrong
What I learned and where a lot of people go wrong with treating Depersonalization and Derealization is they focus on treating themselves with tools and techniques. So meditation, changing their diet, getting enough sleep, going to therapists, etc. What I learned is that these aren't cures. These are good practices for general wellbeing and can really help lessen the effects of Depersonalization and Derealization but in the end they do not cure you. It's you. You are the reason you have Depersonalization. Period. People all around the world have Depersonalization and Derealization and they got it different ways. Some got it from childhood trauma, I've heard of some getting it from taking acne medication, some from smoking marijuana, and some from traumatic events that have happened in their lives.
Depersonalization is a dissociative issue.
Somewhere along the way you have trained your mind subconsciously to go into a cycle. Your mind is running through this subconscious cycle and you are perpetuating a false reality for yourself. I've suffered with irrational thoughts also in these 5 1/2 years. Just really bizarre thoughts like "I'm going to float away in space because gravity might turn off, if I hold a knife I'm going to murder my family, If I stand on a bridge I will automatically kill myself." I learned I have Pure "O" OCD along with depersonalization. In Pure O OCD your mind produces false realities and you become afraid and a part of you believes that they will come true. Was I really going to float away if I stepped outside of my house? No What about if I held a knife would I have killed my family? No I wouldn't have. There's a part of your brain that is perpetuating these thoughts because of a cycle you have subconsciously trained your mind to do. The fight of flight response gets activated and you rational part of your brain doesn't know how to decipher it because on one hand these thoughts seem ridiculous but on the other hand why is the body reacting and switching to a fight or flight mode there must be danger present.
I cured myself of agoraphobia, I cured myself of my obsessive,irrational, existential thoughts, and lastly I cured myself of my Depersonalization and Derealization.
It's your mind that your need to retrain. I told myself a long time ago that if I ever was cured of Depersonalization and Derealization that I would help others. I used to come on this website all the time and read forum after forum. I was where you are right now. I wrote a book on what Depersonalization is, My complete story, tools and techniques, what works and what doesn't work, and ultimately how to recover from Depersonalization and Derealization. It's called Depersonalization How I Recovered and How You Can Too. It's 5 dollars...that of a subway sandwich but honestly it is everything that I would have wanted to read 5 and 1/2 years ago. I'm not just some guy writing a book...I experienced it first hand. I know what you are going through and I know what works and what doesn't because I've tried everything. To change you have to take the first step.
(Book) Depersonalization How I Recovered and How You Can Too-http://amzn.to/2j2lGcE
(blog and website) http://www.totallifetransformationproject.com/
If you need to contact me go to my website and send me a message.