[jc]

i hope someone replies to this post as its a problem that i have to be honest about as its been problematic for me but ive been too stubborn to admit to it..

i seem to be at a stage in my life (this has lasted for around 5 years) where i still feel like im being dogged with peer pressure on how i should behave...ok an example of what i like doing but i still feel its not cool and a bit nerdy

i like going to the library
having an interest in the history of music
i like old black and white films
i visit forums like this and talk about 'feelings and emotions'
when i converse with people its hard for me to play the fool like i used to

you see this is the battle thats bugging my mind everyday,i have a real problem with finding out what or who i really want to be because whenever i do something that is considered uncool i immediately think to myself 'is this normal behaviour for a 33 year old'
i dont want to end up being a cynical bloke with a chip on my shoulder,and the obvious answer would to 'just be yourself' but where i live its hard to 'just be yourself'
i dont like being around serious intellectuals but at the same time i hate being around idiots...

my friend once said to me 'you dont know who you want to be' and at the time i got very defensive at this remark but now i know what he meens

do i want to carry on acting like a lad covering up my interest in all things academic,or do i want to totally evolve into this person that loves the arts and that doesnt mind talking about feelings...you see i really am stuck in an identity crisis

even when i was at therepy last week i was constantly thinking to myself 'if only my friends could see me know'

cheers folks

 

[DM]

Hiya mate,

excellent - you have arrived at your turning point. You are questioning yourself, your past behaviour (and why the hell you did it), you are discovering yourself - it is a wonderful experience, although you are felling lost...

Well, you are simply becoming yourself...You start to feel where your passion lies, and that it is different from all the things you thought they were yours.

You are becoming yourself!

Go on, try and explore - do the things you feel comfortable with, it's you!

You have changed your language - you have changed a lot JC. Go out and play with your real interests!

Become the man you are!

By the way: although you ask for answers you carry them all. If I would give you an advice on what to do - you would probably rationally respond to it. So, no answers, find it out yourself. In therapy they simply call your state 'the process'; you are listening to your emotions and often they conflict with everything you think (or have taken for granted) - that's why you feel a bit lost - but in the end you'll find yourself, your equilibrium between ratio and emotion, and dp? What's that?

Take care mate - explore. :wink:

 

[person3]

DUDE...

ok..

Intellectual guys who are in touch with their emotions are TOTALLY HOT.

Most girls think so.

We don't like guys who aren't in touch with their feelings and who are insensitive and care about nothing but partying.

That is a total turn off.

We LOVE smart, sexy guys with interests in intellectual things (especially stuff like the arts, at least for girls like me!), we LOVE intelligent conversations, we LOVE when we can discuss feelings with our boyfriends/husbands/lovers...We LOVE LOVE LOVE it.

So, from a female point of view, you're just evolving into a totally HOT guy.

(and like des said, explore and find your interests...the sky is the limit...)

Also you will find a lot of people in the world that are intellectual but not stuffy ivory-tower types. There are a lot of people in their twenties and thirties that are very very smart but kind of lost in the world...they don't want to be part of The Establishment or they just didn't go to college or whatever....free-thinking types I guess. There are tons of them and you will find some great friends I'm sure. (a lot of them are on this board!)

 

[JAG]

Personally I think being an intellectual, liking the arts, and talking about feelings is a really good thing. However, in reality, the majority of people I know aren't the same way.

 

[enngirl5]

I know feeling like your supposed to act grown up. When you still feel like a kid. I worry about that too. But both of my parents still act like kids and they're in their 50's. So maybe we don't have to act old, just be relatively responsible people the older we get. Hence the word relatively. As far as the peer pressure thing, I think it's really hot for a guy to be into reading, and film, and music and anything intellectual. Come on. And feelings and emotions. I just scrolled down and read that person 3 said the same thing lol. But it's true! Girls don't like frat type guys who are only into partying and being crude and talking about sex. Anyway, hang in there jc. You're not old, lol. Keep your interests and do what YOU want to do.

 

[g-funk]

I agree with everything above!! You do really sound as though you have done a bit of self analysis (the good type). I can relate to what you're saying about identity as my dp is totally related to that. All the stuff I thought was me, but I wasn't really being true to myself - now I'm seeing it as a fresh start - kind of like a time where I can try out new stuff - if I don't like it I wont do it again etc etc Kind of fun, and Im hoping I will get more in tune with my needs and wants that way.

Also, not every intellectual is a geek and there are some really sweet thickos out there too...you don't have to be either, you are just you, you don't have to fall into any categories so go with the flow man!

Good to see you back jc and even better to hear you doing a bit of soul searching!

 

[Dreamer]

Dear JC,
I hope you know I've always been a fan of yours. And I too agree with everything posted above, 100%, including Person 3's assessment of the TOTALLY HOT male 8)

like going to the library
having an interest in the history of music
i like old black and white films
i visit forums like this and talk about 'feelings and emotions'
when i converse with people its hard for me to play the fool like i used to

All SUPERB qualities as far as I'm concerned.

I have also found, I haven't been ME, the real ME for so many years. I'm still working on it, but I think it is clearly a component of my problems.

Please don't doubt your RIGHT to these passions. Also you'll find people who are interested in the same things as you are. There are loads of them out there, cool guys and women with interests similar to yours.

I'm very proud of you.
Absolutely.
Cheers!
L,
D

 

[jc]

thankyou folks,but i feel this is the time for people to know me as jc the geek philosepher(sp)
still,i am beggining to like 'me' so screw the rest

 

[person3]

Now I'm thinking JC just posted all of this to have a following of hot, smart chicks

 

[Guest]

Um...........jc? You keep typing like that and you will have a following of hot, smart GUYS too.

It's true though. I don't get by just on my looks you know. It has been my experience that women appreciate men who think with their brains too.

I listen to classical music more often than not, I am a voracious reader and writer of poetry. I hug my boys as often as possible. I am a long time season ticket holder to the symphony here in town. I love ballroom dance. My favorite hobby is growing flowers - beautiful roses. I cry whenever I can. I even draw pretty things for a living.

Intelligent, sensitive men - are truly strong men.

And the title of your post? You are a man my friend. A man who will always have a little boy inside. That little boy who can make you giggle at silly things. Stare in wonder at a gorgeous sunset. Make you curious, make you want to try new things. Sometimes I am just certain it is the little boy in me that keeps me going.
The little sc that is full of hope and dreams.

It sounds like you are doing some good work jc. You have many, many fans here, pulling for you.

 

[terri*]

Just adding my name to the list of all those above in agreement with their thoughts.

JC, you are really doing some excellant work and it's working for you.

Can't think of a better place for you to be. Stay with it and stay strong. You know what works best for you.

Cheers to ya,
terri