Well , still not out of the rut, but I can tell you , I have to go on , no matter how much fear. before this I was confident and loved to do things, Now fear keeps me cautious and worried... but what keeps me looking for the answer is my kids. Most of them grown up but still have one teenager at home. I don't want them to think of me as a quitter, or a guy who gave up, no matter how crazy it feels inside my head...I have to continue. I am their dad and I want to be there for them no matter how hard..... I draw my strength from God each day.. no offense if you don't believe, that is just my opinion, I get my courage from the love for my family and I get my encouragement from people on this posting site..... I am by no means out of the woods on this thing, but I believe, that if you have faith, seek answers, and truly love your friends and family, that your life, my life, it will all come together.. it will, there is hope my friend even in discouragement when we are in the pit o fhis hell, look for the smallest light.