OK Janine (and others),
I would really be grateful for some advice on how to deal with a peculiar symptom(s) some of us might relate to: paranoid delusions. I know other people on this board have bizarre/irrational/delusional thoughts and beliefs, and was wondering if you could shed some light on a pro-active way to deal with them. I'm guessing mine are a little extreme.
For the last couple months I?ve been overwhelmed with bizarre thoughts (about the nature of reality, life, etc.) which have culminated in a paranoid delusion that the entire world is nothing but a figment of my imagination, and has always been. This scares the absolute living hell out of me, but I still believe it, and live my life as if it were true. How?s that for messed up?
I wish I could shake it, but I can?t. It has consumed me, filling my mind 99.9% of the time. When I tell myself the idea is nothing more than a delusion based on other fears, I cannot fathom the delusion not being true. I would like nothing more than to realize/rationalize that it is a symbol for something else, but I can?t. It seems so justified, so true and profound, especially given the fact I?ve had similar thoughts since childhood. With DP/DR terrifying old thoughts have creeped back in, and have now become horrible delusions which have turned my mind 180.
Anyways, I have tried so hard to focus outwards and ignore them, but it is difficult focusing outward when you think that everything ?out there? has been made up by you. The last thing you want to do is gaze outwards. When I push these thoughts back, it seems all I?m doing is buying more time until they resurface, which is every few minutes at best. So, with that said, is it still best to focus outwards, even in a case like mine? It seems like a tragic paradox; the harder you try to divert your attention to more normal things, the more you are reminded of a delusion you are trying to forget. (i.e., when I talk with other people, I cannot stop thinking that they are just a figment of my imagination, etc.)
Sorry for the rambling, but I know you have been through similar situations, and you really are an inspiration. If you have any thoughts on a practical (did I just say that?) approach, I would really appreciate it. I will do whatever it takes, even if you tell me to start stripping... :wink: