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From descriptions on this website, and excerpt from Janine's email book, it seems that there are two forms of dp - the living, active anxiety kind and the emotionally dead one. I experience the latter, which seems less common. Or at least I think I do. I am in it now - I feel kind of blank a lot of the time, empty of thought and feeling, doing and connecting to things - objects, people - is very difficult. Doing anything or thinking anything through is really hard. The world doesn't look surreal, exactly, it just feels like its not quite there, or I am not, not quite sure. I don't really have any response to it. Other people seem to be engaging with it, I can't its just there, I don't seem to have a response. I feel uncoordinated in my body. Moving feels difficult. As though my body is reluctant to engage with tasks. Conversation is very difficult because words don't feel connected to me and they are kind of false. My mind just wants to sit and stare at the wall, sometimes it feels like I just want to sit in the corner head down, doing nothing, just curled up.

The reason I am writing this all down, and I know it is nothing new, is that my mind tells me all the time, as I watch myself be like this, that I have always been like this that there is nothing wrong with me, that I do not have dp that I am a deficient person, and thoughts of suicide intrude. I feel guilty because friends and family think I am ill but I know that I am not, I am just defective. But I also know from experience that all these thoughts are part of the illness, part of the state and that the state changes (I am a kind of bipolar person) and that I don't expereince this all the time, another state exists where all the above is simply not applicable.

Anyone relate to this? Is anyone else a bipolar 'dead-dp' person? What coping strategies do you employ?

Love and strength to you all Sarah xx
 

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Hi Sarah,

I believe you are exactly right when you speak of two kinds of dp or dr for that matter. You have really put the right words in to use. When we are at our worse it is the dead kind. Then we can come back from that hell and have the functional kind. I do have these periods ( think SC is going thru a huge one at the moment) and your post creates some new words to use when explaining this disorder. I think it is a terrific way to express the ups and downs of living with dp/dr.

Oh yeah, I don't think you are "defective". Hey, we're just having some really, really bad periods. :wink:

Thanks for the insight.
terri
 
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