I was exhausted yesterday so I thought that I might have a full night of sleep, but of course I woke up in the middle of the night with a racing heart and a racing mind. I know why... I'm nervous to go back to work tomorrow because I'm not sure how I'm going to be able to manage in front of a class full of kids. It's one thing to get through a day just taking care of myself, but now I'm responsible for children, some being just 4 years old. I'm worried that the feeling of Derealization will be so strong that it will distract me from what I'm teaching and cause me to panic. On the other hand, I'm excited to go back. I'm excited to see the kids and get back to the job I love. Because of my terrible sleep last night, I had a rough morning and didn't feel that I could do a whole lot.
I got some schoolwork done today and went grocery shopping with my fiance, so it wasn't totally shot. I'm trying to have a calm and relaxing evening so that I can have a somewhat decent sleep tonight. I was thinking today about a day I had about a month ago after I was hospitalized for labyrinthitis and I felt sadness that I have never experienced before. Deep deep sadness with no real reason for it. I'm guessing that this is what being depressed feels like on a daily basis. I am so lucky and thankful that I'm not stuck in a depression on top of this Derealization like so many others are. I feel happy and positive most of the time (since I've figured out that I have Derealization).
So, big day tomorrow. I'll be sure to blog tomorrow night if I haven't been eaten by my pile of work for report cards.