Dating and such

The next obstacle in my life? Dating. Yikes!

I've been doing great with my dp, then dating happened. I wouldn't say that dating put me back into the dp cycle, but anxiety certainly came with the territory. I'm the girl that flakes out of a date because of nerves. I can't tell you how many relationships never saw the light of day because anxiety took away all good feelings that I might have had.

But I triumphed the beast. I went on a date, kind of. I mean, this guy invited me to his house for dinner on my birthday because I have lame friends. I've had a thing for this man for years, but I moved away and he was a bit older, never thought he was interested in me. But then, oh but then he asked me to join him for dinner. My heart wanted to explode out of my chest when I accepted the invitation. I thought of every excuse I could to get out of it, but I knew that it was just anxiety, and I made the promise to myself not to keep me from doing anything. So off I went.

I am SO glad I did. Sure, I was anxious the entire time, and I nervously said some dumb things. But I went home smiling that night, and I'd rather smile and ruminate on the date then to have never gone at all. I'm going to see him again this weekend, and yes I'm nervous as hell but I did it once, the second time should be easier.

I know how hard it is to find love when you feel like a total outcast. I knew I wouldn't be ready to date for a while when I had dp, and even now it's difficult, but I want love. I want someone who I can explain this all to, who will understand. The world isn't as scary as we perceive it. I'd rather live a life of anxiety than a life of regrets.