Dating and DP/advice?

1157 Views 4 Replies 2 Participants Last post by Cali1234, Mar 1, 2021

Cali1234

Discussion Starter · Feb 28, 2021

Those that are in relationships.. how do you cope with having dp and a partner? I’m single, an attractive female that doesn’t find it hard to attract a man but keeping one is the issue. I date but then it gets uncomfortable and I find it easier to just drop a guy rather than stick with them because of my dp and non dp issues. I don’t want to bring anyone to my unresolved issues until I heal my own issues... any advice would be appreciated.

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Cali1234

Discussion Starter · #3 · Feb 28, 2021 (Edited by Moderator)

Phantasm said:
Firstly I would say, don't listen to me as I'm not very good at relationships! (Mummy issues, I guess, lolz) But I would also say that everyone, dp'd or not, has issues, so you'll be waiting forever if you want to fix yourself before you have a relationship.

Now, this depends, because there may be some things you might need to work through first, say if you are in the habit of choosing partners who are bad for you, in which case, some counselling might help.

But if you are just doing that classic dp thing of believing you need fixing, which only reinforces the idea there is something wrong with you when there might not be, then, as I say, you'll be waiting forever, and a good partner will want to know you, warts and all.

Yeah, you're right. I don't want to be waiting forever. I do fear of getting hurt but I think that was always a fear of mine before/during dp. Ive been hurt several times so it's hard to fully commit myself lately. I've tried the casual hookups but it's so meaningless and you feel empty because it's not with someone who you really care about or love. However, I am going on a date next weekend with someone who I knew for a really long time. He's cousin with one of my best friends and I just know his whole family. I know for sure he's a good guy which is why I'm giving him a chance. I'm not afraid of getting hurt by him per say, but idk, just not being able to handle a relationship like this. Some days, Idk how I get through work but I get by and some nights I just want to be by myself with no human interaction. Also the embarrassment and having to deal with telling someone about the way I feel and them not understanding or them not wanting to deal with it either. But it's probably just anxiety and a bit of self doubt, which has always stopped me.

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Cali1234

Discussion Starter · #5 · Mar 1, 2021

Phantasm said:
I think that's always the big one: fear of getting hurt. I've pushed people away for that reason, so I can relate. I don't know that there's anyway around that one though, with any relationship that's a possibility, it's just if we're willing to take that chance, ya know.

That's cool you have a date with a good guy, I hope you have a good night, and don't put pressure on the situation, just have fun. It's okay to have boundaries and define how you want things to be. If he's a nice fella he'll listen and understand if you need some space sometimes.

Thank you so much, I really needed to hear this.

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