Often times while going through my Dark Night of the Soul (DNOTS) or Individuation, I have asked myself if I simply just have one or both personality disorders called Depersonalization and/or Derealization or DP and DR. Looking at the some the symptoms I have had, it is very possible it is DP and or DR.
I am actually curious what the difference IS between all of the above "conditions" and IF they are the same thing. I will be researching it to find out.
If I do have DP or DR, there is hope that I can get better by myself by my own efforts and with or without help from a professional Psychologist.
I gotta tell you, a long time ago I would not even come close to admitting to any of the above because I feared "crazy" and crazy people. Well I have had so much weird stuff happen to me by now, it's difficult to fear it anymore. My "condition" whatever it is has almost worn out it's fear mongering in my psyche and now I think I am ready to deal with it IF it is within my control.
The way I read about Individuation is that the Self has control over the Ego and it "just happens to you" and exercising control will only make it worse. So I try to refrain from using the word "control" my condition as I write this. Subconscious beliefs pertaining to control is what got me into this predicament in the first place....or lack of control. At any rate I must be careful how I approach control.
The one thing about my process though, is my mind somehow facilitated it's OWN healing process. I would have never known where to start or what lessons I would have to learn in order to know myself as well as I know myself today. Because of this, it seems like an act of God. It seems like I never had control over the process so I don't know HOW to explain it other than Individuation or DNOTS.
If severe DP or DR is capable of correcting itself over time, than perhaps it is the same as Individuation or DNOTS.
I don't know enough about DP or DR to have a full grasp on it. I know I will not take drugs for whatever I have though. I seen what drugs is doing to people.
I have learned many truths throughout my whole process and to me THAT is not crazy or dysfunctional if you are learning from your affliction. Perhaps ALL afflictions are meant to be for learning purposes?
Going through an affliction would also make you an expert on it versus someone else who is educated on it but hasn't actually endured the affliction themself.
I look at Mental Health differently without judgement these days. At one time I would have been an ass and judged someone on meds for mental problems.
I think mental problems are rampant these days and not many people aren't afflicted in one way or another whether it is severe or mild. You need only look at society to see this truth.
Maybe I am just focusing on the negativity and that is why I see society as unstable and messed up, but if that is the case than I am also imagining the financial crisis I hear on the news about the USA and other countries and the people starving in other countries.
I think reality is IF I see the financial crisis and the starving countries than I am NOT wearing rose coloured glasses and I AM seeing reality, but I believe that reality CAN be changed if everyone takes off their rose coloured glasses and sees something needs to be done and it is the responsibility of all humans to change it. Often we wait for someone else to fix it.
You hear alot of people bitching about the government and how corrupt they are and how they mess things up, but if citizens were willing to take responsibility for their own lives, the government would not be needed as much.
I don't know.........maybe it's just me............but handing over our power to others seems crazy to me. Depersonalization has allowed me to "see" outside of the society bubble I once bought into so heavily.