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My sense of humor about DP is one of the ways I cope. I laugh a lot about the methods by which we all have attempted to "solve" Depersonalization by things that fall outside of ourselves. The more we think, the deeper we get. Get a bunch of DP'ers in a room and you'll have one hell of a deep ass conversation that will rival that of Socrates, Emerson or the smartest stoner you have ever known. LOL And each will have a host of working theories about the nature of DP and why. It's not that people don't present a good argument, many do. But some are so farfetched that you have no other option but to at least giggle at its creativity.

Be assured though that I know the desperate search for an answer is not funny.

The only other thing that makes me laugh harder is when a chronic derpersonalized person says "I haven't been traumatized. Nope, not me I feel right as rain but I don't know who that chick is in the mirror." I had one person say (and a very good friend of mine too who said "If I were dissasociating don't you think I'd know that?" Dude, I nearly feel off my chair...cuz er, no dumbass you would remember it because you've DISSOCIATED FROM IT! LOL

Ahhhh good stuff.

So my ability to make light of something we all know seriously sucks is my icebreaker in helping me (and hopefully some of you) understand that for many (I'll even say most) DP is psychological in origin. It occurs to me that someone reading this might ask why are you so committed to the hard way of facing this? "Omg, please shut your uninspiring pie hole." You would much prefer to be uplifted by a story where I tell you I've been "cured" by an anti convulsant/SSRI cocktail or better, by hypnotism or best, my DP "spontaneously" resolved itself and now I'm the perfect pillar of mental health. And all you have to do is follow my regime of loving life, healthy eating, ignoring it and/or meditation.

I'm not saying that doesn't happen for people because for some it does. And I don't believe anyone misleads you intentionally. All of those things are possible. But when DP is chronic, it's unlikely that those things will happen.

You also might be asking yourself is this chick cured of DP or what?

Yes & No. I am very much aware that I have been depersonalized because it's a dissociative disorder. That didn't come easily and it may not to you either because by its design it's meant to keep you in the dark. But I have many days and times where I am completely personalized. But cured is relative in this process. Because in the moments that I am aware of all of the those scary, hurtful parts me, I know why I became depersonalized in the first place. And that is how I may be different from many here. But now I got a second issue. Dealing with I dissociated to begin with.

So we all know DP makes us prone to ruminate. We ruminate because we're looking for the answer, a reason a cause to this hell. Something that will explain the perceptional changes in how we now experience ourselves. But underneath those questions is the big ass one. And it's the same freakin question asked a thousand different ways.

"What happened to me? And why has my perception changed."

All I'm trying to help you consider is maybe we need to ask that question a little differently:

"Who are you? And if you really knew, why do you think you would need to be depersonalized?"

Remember it's a dissociative disorder. So asking it that way encourages a different internal dialoguethat prompts you to really think why it could happen but more than that, it puts you back in the driver seat. So I believe that for many of us I AM telling you the why. And the old adage…"if I only knew then what l know now" is why I share this opinion. I, like many of us here was so invested in finding a "cure" that it didn't occur to me that my life's experiences were the reason this happened. And I want very much to help other people not waste the valuable time it took me to that come to that understanding. Dissociation is a by its nature deceiving. It's a protection and a block, like the monster Gandolf was fighting in Lord of the Rings. It says you shall not pass . And I'm telling you that not only should you pass you should kick it's geriatric ass while you're doing it.

Is it possible I'm wrong? Absolutely. And since we're prone to ruminate and we're not dummies, let's use that skill set to follow some simple logic:
  • Your chronic DP is the result of a brain tumor, mercury poisoning, adrenal failure, thyroid dysfunction, psychosis, early onset alzheimzer's, dementia or because you smoked a dime bag of weed when you were like, 14 and now you're 50?…..And of course, you have none of the other important factors that would to support the verification of having any one of those issues…
  • The reason you don't recognize yourself in the mirror is because you lost touch with something important with yourself?The reason you're numb is because you don't know what it feels like to be you. The reason you're riddled with panic & anxiety is because you're unsure of who you are? The reason you feel lost and sense of self is fading is because on some level that might be true?
Maybe it's a stretch and it's not important that you believe me. It's important that you think about it. We are all here on this forum on a hunt for something we've lost. It's a collective venture and a search that's personal to each one of us. So if you knew the truest way to get you back to where you wanted to be, wouldn't you tell people?

Of course you would.
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