I like it. And ya can’t live your whole life to the fullest in one second
Cultivating endurance
Beyond the horrible confusion of the mind and our disconnection, deidentification and terrible tearing from the fabric of our own beings is... within our flesh... or the inner glory of life within our flesh is a spiritual struggle.
I have been cultivating my endurance my entire life, at least on a mental level. Either from the pressures of outside influence or my own efforts in reaction to a hostile environment.
Today, my depersonalisation, confusion and existential terror was extreme in comparison to the normal levels. Yet, I still went out for a walk.
There is no shame in not being able to do something. Feats seem impressing when mentioned without the context of the effort it took to get there. Thus for all those still bound to the home for very rational reasons, do not dismay. If you press forward there is only one direction, upward.
No matter our outward circumstances and pressures, and the evils of this world. We must understand and appreciate this is a battle of endurance, not one of immediate will or victory over the enemy of oppressive trauma or mental disease.
So long as you keep breathing and keep striving, you have already won. It's simply a matter of acting out the victory which is rightly yours.
I have been cultivating my endurance my entire life, at least on a mental level. Either from the pressures of outside influence or my own efforts in reaction to a hostile environment.
Today, my depersonalisation, confusion and existential terror was extreme in comparison to the normal levels. Yet, I still went out for a walk.
There is no shame in not being able to do something. Feats seem impressing when mentioned without the context of the effort it took to get there. Thus for all those still bound to the home for very rational reasons, do not dismay. If you press forward there is only one direction, upward.
No matter our outward circumstances and pressures, and the evils of this world. We must understand and appreciate this is a battle of endurance, not one of immediate will or victory over the enemy of oppressive trauma or mental disease.
So long as you keep breathing and keep striving, you have already won. It's simply a matter of acting out the victory which is rightly yours.
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For years I’ve struggled with “not feeling like I’m going in the right direction”. I still do, but the reality of this is that the right direction isn’t a path. It’s either now or never, we are either not struggling or we are. So, as many gurus have talked about the beauty of peace in the present, they aren’t lying.I agree that endurance is very good provided one is going in the right direction.
But I have a feeling that most of the time what I want to do is relax and "let go". But my brain doesn't want to relax. It really does have a lot of endurance, maybe partly from the years of mental effort, but sometimes I wish it didn't so that it would give up the struggle sooner and I would be able to move on about some things. Because most of the time it is not struggling in the right direction.
Some of us might wish things were better about our life, for the DP sufferers it’s a conflict of ourselves. So there is the illusion of having to achieve in order to overcome and gain something in life. The illusion can even be about obtaining peace in the present! But peace in the present doesn’t imply effort. It doesn’t imply thinking about anything either.. so where’s the direction then
1 - 2 of 4 Posts
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