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Well I finally got my appointment with the gp on Monday (Wahey we're making great progress here). I must say that since Friday I have been feeling slightly better. I mean before I was almost considering suicide, but now I'm just about managing, although still a million miles away from normality.
Anyway, the gp was a woman, a very nice lady who did seem to want to listen, and not just reach for her prescription pad before I even sat down. After telling her some of my more down to earth symptoms, anxiety depression, panic attacks, and feelings of unreality (without reeally specifying what these were), she said that perhaps It would be best not to go down the anti depressent route strait away. She suggested counselling first of all. I really don't see how counselling is supposed to help. Basically exitence itself, everything about out from the external world to my own thoughts and feelings, feels unreal, I'm extremely depressed. I'm not particularly anxious anymore, just sort of emotionally dead, or depressed, whatever. I'm having the most bizarre obsessive thoughts, thoughts that don't even make sense anymore. Now how the hell is sitting in a room with a counsellor who's probably used to hearing stuff like 'my flat mates hate me' 'my course is too hard' etc, gonna' help.
I know the only way our is to stop obsessing, but I'm so depressed that I simply haven't the strength to turn my attention away. It's been two weeks since I saw any signs of normality, and that was only fleeting. When the depression starts to lift, there's a huge amount of anxiety underneath. So for God's sake someone just get me some Paxil, and lets get this over with.
I tried Paxil for a week, two years ago. I seemed to tolerate it quite well. It made me a lot more depressed for a few days. On the evening of the last day of me taking it, I actually really started to feel better.
But now I have to wait another week before I can see the gp again. I have my counselling appointment on Tuesday.
For God's sake, HURRY UP!!!
 

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Why do you have to wait a week before your next appt? I'm sure if you are really desperate you can get an emergency appt before then? Not that I'm advocating drugs but if Paxil worked for you before and you seemed to tolerate it quite well then its worth giving it a shot, to break the obsessive thinking cycle. I found when I was in this state talking about my childhood etc to a counsellor didn't really help - I wanted them to address the here and now, and help me out of my sheer terror. Thing is, they can't really fix you immediately, (or indeed 'fix' you at all) so maybe some light relief from a drug could help? But if you feel you can do it without it then do.

Also, I'm guessing that despite your state of mind, you probably cover this up when chatting to your gp. I did, for fear of losing control and them putting me in a padded cell. I had to go back a few times and pluck up the courage to say what I thought was wrong and what I needed. They still underestimated my cry for help and I'm pretty sure my records just say chronic anxiety. If you think the doctor can help you then get another appointment. Don't worry about looking bad for going back again - its what they're there for.
 

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i made it quite clear that i didnt want counselling....the past is the past its over and done with....i dont understand how talking about that helps.....CBT yes.......i dont know if you want to go to the councelling but if you are set on going on meds do what g-funk said and go back to the gp....tell them that you have felt suicidal...they wont lock you up for that...be totally honest with them....they cant refuse you meds or even ask them to refer you to a phyc....all i had to do with mine was tell them how i felt and they would look for the most sutible meds...even though back then i refused to take them.....GOOD LUCK
 
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