Last may when I began having these issues it was when me and BF were supposed to be splitting! I love him dearly and have two children and want nothing more than to marry him! He however finds pot to be more inportanat so he is leaving because I dont want it in my house.
Well during the time I was pregnant we were working things out but I still never really knew where I stood. After I had my son I thought everything was fine until I found out he was stealing from my daughter. Then we began talking about pot and splitting. and I feel like my DR episodes have gotten some worse lately though I still am not sure what brings them on some days!
Well I was reading a post on here between someone and Janine. Janine was talking about this state being caused by us hinding from things ... or something along that line. Well I have a ver very deep seeded fear of being alone in some ways but more than anything being without Adam(bf)!! I really really dont wanna loose him! I hate to think about it! Everyday I hope he will change his mind! In a lot of ways he is also a security blanket! When I have a DR episode it is comforting to know he is there or he will be latter! He will always be there! Now that is all changing! He is leaving and I am having a hard time coping with that alone but also the fact that my security blanket is leaving!
I also have a BPD mother and a huge deep seeded fear I will turn into her! A fear I will physically or emotionally hurt my children! I fear hurting them since she hurt me so much!
Should I try to accept and let go of the fear and concerns. Stop worrying about my security blanket being gone and stopy being terrified I will be my m,other, stop worrying I will harm my children? Would that help?
If so ... i am not really sure how to do two of those! I know how to try and let go of Adam, though it is hard. But my fear of being BPD is horrible as is the fear of harming my children because I may be like her one day. I am not really sure to over come that? Any thought?
(oh and by the way I have been a bit of a posting nut since I just found this site so thanks for listening and helping me!!!