[enigma]

I have often wondered what it would be like if I ever suddenly found myself stripped of this thick layer of emotional insulation that is DP.

Would I suddenly feel out in the open and exposed?

Vulnerable to all forms of danger?

Unable to face the realities and consequenses of this travesty that is my existense? (Especially at my age, when it's practically be too late to begin again.)

Would the shock and dread immediately drive me right back into the 'safe haven' of DP? (Like a rabbit into its burrow?)

For most of my life now, my single greatest desire has been that the death shroud of DP/DR might lift, and allow me back into the world.

And yet I can't help but ponder the question: Could I really handle it?

Has anyone else ever felt this?

That consciously, you want to be rid of DP forever, and yet at the back of your mind is this nagging feeling that you're just not ready? (Might never be, in fact?)

It's a conundrum.

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[shadowness]

yeah i think of this quite a bit...

i hate this dp (and dr) and yet without it how would i cope?

at the end of the day i think i would rather face whatever life throws at me feeling real and feeling though everything else is real...

 

[Guest]

No I think if you get rid of DP and get back to normal then you will be much stronger due to what you had to go through, its a learning affect you wouldn't let yourself get anxiety and fall back to the dp state. It's like punishment and effect.

 

[jft]

Enigma. I have often thought about this, for sometimes I get glimpses of it and it feels so foreign that it almost scares me. It is almost anxiety producing to think of being in a prolonged stated of full emotion, especially happiness. I yearn for it of course, but if it happened it would admittedly be an adjustment.

I wonder if this is all dp or or if depression is part of it too, or hand in hand of course. I know as a child I was never "happy" but had a low grade depression that always hindered me. Something tells me too that part of my predisposition to getting dp was a problem sorting out emotions in the first place. Adding dp and enviromental dr to this really threw a blanket over lifes perceptions. How many times I have been at very joyous occasions ( births, weddings etc) only to strain my face into a smile and wonder what it would be like to be spontaneously happy, in the moment, and wonderfully present. I remember one night after one full year in my college dormatory, a few guys wrestled me down to the ground and proceeded to poke and tickle me to death, and I laughed and laughed and they were so shocked and said that they did not know it was in me.

I think it is in all of us. We can feel, we are human beings are we not? That day is gonna come in more than glimpses and we will rise to the occasion and embrace it with an enthusiasm greater than the first time you sucked on a lollipop as a two year old kid. I will bet my fishouse on it.
jft