Depersonalization Support Forum banner
1 - 2 of 2 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
35 Posts
Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I remember before my dpd started. I used to control my identity. I wanted to be perceived in one way and i didn't let myself just be and feel what I should feel. I didn't let myself show any emotions because then I didn't have control. And every time i did something I was always asking myself if I was being me. I don't know why I had this dysfunctional thinking. I remember feeling like I had to talk in a certain way and in was not just me being me. I also felt like I had to be better at speaking to be the person I wanted to be because I was so scared of ending up in situations where someone would ask me how my trip was or something like that and not having anything to say or it not being smooth.

I remember some awful feelings of being asked something and just feeling like I fucked up. Sometimes I just did not feel comfortable at all when speaking because I felt like everyone else was so much better at it than me.

I always feel like a looser and I thought that if I just controlled everything about me and talked in a certain way, behaved in a certain way I wouldn't be a looser. So when I was in overwhelming situations and I couldn't control everything I felt like I had lost myself and I would feel very panicky. What is stressing me about this feeling of dpd is that I am no longer able to control my ego if that makes sense, so I am always very nervous around people. I think a big step to recovery is feeling comfortable around people even if I feel very depersonalized.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
251 Posts
You were basically lying to yourself and didn't confront your biggest fear : your own disappointment.

I've been there. It's time to reveal yourself slowly and start being true to yourself little by little. Tell people how you feel sometimes.

And relax and don't worry about other people's judgement. They are temporary and you''ll eventually realize it's their way of coping with their own insecurities.

Not being me coupled with anxiety is what caused my disassociation. Spiritually, it's like severing yourself from your higher self.
 
1 - 2 of 2 Posts
Top