January 17th
Things are getting better but there is still a lot of work to do. Sometimes I'm doing very well and other times I make mistakes, give in to thought and anxiety and end up feeling low. I never lose hope or give up on myself but letting even a couple hours of my night be ruined or letting thoughts disrupt my focus/cause me to stop doing what I am doing is simply unacceptable.
I originally stopped logging because I thought that coming to this site would hinder my progress because of seeing words like depersonalization, looking at a thread or two, etc but that is not the problem.
Things have been better overall but too inconsistent. Yesterday I got 2 seconds of mental panic/adrenaline which I haven't had in over 3 weeks and today I made a traffic error that I foolishly let ruin my night. For the most part, when I feel anxiety/feel down it's mainly because I mistakenly made an error whether thinking about something I shouldn't have thought about, not focusing on what I'm doing, paying attention to DP-DR, anxiety, etc. The mistakes are what get me off my game and not making anymore is what's going to get me back on my game.
So starting tomorrow I'm back logging and I'm going to be stronger than ever. It's funny, tonight after a good day I had a "down" night and even though it caused me to feel a lot of anxiety, I'm not even phased.
Fuck DP, it's time to get better.
