[Depersonalized]

Lately my DP is transforming into some kind of fear which is always running in the background (like some annoying windows application).
This fear is based on not finding the answer to life. I can't stop thinking about living, dying, existing, feeling and as a result I get these weird dreams or nightmares, which just make everything even worse.
I try to see my old self when I could just accept life without questioning it, but now it feels like I need to find a key to this life in order to feel secure and normal again. It is like having this constant need to absorb information, wanting to die not because you feel so awful but because you just need to know whats next. I despise this feeling and try to get my mind of it all the time by reading, playing, working. I know it may sound funny but I even ordered a Robosapien robot today so I can get this feeling of anticipation of some joy.

And yes my depression is a lot better I am now able to enjoy some moments in my life thanks to SJW(I think thats the reason behind it)

Maybe some one could share how they get around this plague. If thats possible
thanks

 

[agentcooper]

i was raised pretty religious and i really started thinking about my own spirituality when i had severe dp/dr. it turned out to be a really good thing. i spent so much time thinking about what seemed to be true and what didn't feel right to me. i read a lot of books about many different philosophies and religions from all over the world. i feel much more content now about religion, spirituality, and morality. i think i'm a better person than i was before i had done this searching. i guess that's one really good thing about having dp/dr.

so, depersonalized, maybe you can try to turn this around and take advantage of your contemplative state.

 

[Guest]

Often depression is serving as a mask for underlying anxiety, or vice versa.

I absolutely recognize the kind of obsessing you're doing. All I can say is FIGHT it tooth and nail..the more you obsess, the deeper you will go. There is NO answer, no solution and no resolution. The more you think, the deeper you will go. (re-read that sentence. Again. Please trust me).

We are thinking about infinity, eternity, etc. because we're petrified of the unknown - that which is unknown in US and in the world. To try to master how we can accept life/death, mortality, etc. is a grandiose effort to prove to ourselves that we CAN surmount the unknowable. We cannot. It's a delusion of wishful thinking - to make us believe we are that powerful.

We're not.

What's keeping you in obsession is the delusion that you will be able to sovle it. You think, wrongly, that if you just think about it the perfect way, in exactly the right light, etc..then you will be at peace with the answer.

Lies. Delusions. The only way OUT of those thoughts is OUT, not more inward.

The more you think, the deeper you will go.
Got it?

Peace,
Janine

 

[Depersonalized]

Thanks for the replies guys.
I try not to think about it real hard but it seems impossible. I guess I am gonna just have to try to set my attention on something else for a while.

 

[shadowness]

a lot of people keep telling me about just saying 'so what?' when these thought come into your head...

i tried it at first and thought about living and existing and then just said to myself 'so what?' but that just made things worse...

but the other day i got so frustrated and anxious and angry about these thoughts that i just shouted to myself 'oh so what?' and it seemed to do the trick...for a little while i did not think as deeply as i was...

it might not help you at all but maybe if you have enough power and belief to say it then you might actually believe yourself and think 'yeah actually, so what?'...

sometimes it can take the edge away...

i know the kind of thing you are talking about though and i hope you find a way to help yourself...