[Aha's Shadow]

So this is my latest thing that is taking up all of my time.

I've actually had my best couple of weeks in a while. I was making sense of things and able to apply an explanation to a lot of the weird shit that has happened.

During this time though, something new has been creeping in. I am seeing bizarre, I guess what you would call coincidences on a daily basis.

The one that has finally tipped me back in to a state of absolute terror and confusion happened last night. I'm a wrestling fan, and was watching this video about this wrestler and how he had to take time off with a heart condition. I hadn't read or heard about this wrestler in a long time and this was the first time I read about his heart complaint. Then about an hour later I was listening to a podcast made from a completely different source, and this guy and his heart condition are mentioned!

So after an entire lifetime of never hearing about this, I hear it for the first two times within minutes of eachother. I would be fine with this happening just once, but things like this are happening daily now when they didn't before! I even had one just this morning.

I've read about synchronicity and stuff like that, but I just can't but it. To me all it does is confirm to me, my major fears. That either I'm not in the real world or that the world I am looking that is just a creation from my mind.

I can't even seem to believe in stuff like the subconscious. There is something very off with the world, surely this can't all be just created by stress. How am I meant to cope when I just want to escape the world I am in?

Anyone else ever experience anything like this? Is there an explanation that makes sense?

 

[SurvivingTheDream]

From what you've described, I think I'm experiencing the same thing.

I put it down to that I've noticed one striking coincidence and now I've become more aware of them, I'm noticing them a lot more. But, like you said, I can never truly stop thinking about this being a world I made up in my mind.

The thing that does give me comfort however is remembering the fact that I never used to feel like this before, so surely this has to be solely my perspective, and not the world itself that has changed.

 

[eddy1886]

Can totally relate....Have had this many times over the years...

I just think because we are all in such a heightened state of awareness coincidinces like these seem more eerie to us...

Im sure there are many people out there who havent got DP experiencing the same thing regularly and dont even give it a second thought...They dont give it a second thought because they arent crippled with chronic anxiety and the constant fear they are going crazy....

The whole essence of DP is based around the fact we are going to lose our minds completely...

Us as DP sufferers will take these things and run with them....All of a sudden because we experience dejavu or recurring coincidinces we start to believe we are psychic or can tell the future or are special in some way or have some kind of special awareness of secret hidden knowledge....We start to begin to believe we are maybe gifted in some kind of way but not in a nice way....

Its complete and utter exestential crap......It eases over time

 

[eddy1886]

I used to be afraid to pray in case the man upstairs actually answered me back LOL....Its the same thing....Its all based on the basic DP fear we are gonna go totally bonkers....

Funny thing is Ive never come across a DP sufferer who has totally lost their mind....It just doesnt happen...The posiitve out of actually losing your min d is the fact you wouldnt know and more so you wouldnt even care....As a result your DP would be gone and so would the suffering....

I actually dont care if I lose my mind totally....Sounds ridiculous and counter intuitive but because I stopped caring about losing my mind my fear associated with my DP eased...

 

[Aha's Shadow]

That's the thing. The last two weeks I have taken a 'fuck it' attitude to things, and things seemed to improve a bit. But there's always something lingering, because the world does seem different.

The thing is I feel like I HAVE lost my mind a bit. Things that I would have considered magic before all this, have actually happened to me. Im convinced half the time people are creations of my own imagination.

My perspective on things has completely changed. Now the idea of thoughts in my head, or that I'm breathing without thinking or feeling it, seem just as much as an illusion as a wizard making something appear.

Earlier this evening, I was thinking of how out of control I was when I had my 'breakdown'. My own mind was telling me to do things I didn't want to do like hurt myself and others.

The overall issue is the confusion I think. I was taught that a coincidence was a coincidence, but now I'm like it can't be, this is just too weird to be a normal thing. And it's the same with everything else, everything I learnt and was taught could so easily be a lie.

 

[Mattakriptic]

Holy crap dude, I pretty much had a similar thing happen to me around September last year, My thoughts were about The devil, death,hell, demons, Illuminati and thinking that no way it could be my reality, like it was a weird coincidental dream and something/someone was controlling my mind. The really weird thing about all this was as an atheist I actually never believed in those things, but for some strange reason my mind kept hooked on these things throughout a few weeks which eventually led me to having a full panic attack about God and or the Devil.

Following on from this I ended up self admitting myself into a mental health hospital/Psych ward (Which was probably the worst decision of my life) - In this hospital I actually encountered almost paranormal entities/people and events which related exactly about those thoughts: Devil, Illuminati, hell etc - which led me to think there is no way on earth it was just a coincidence I was in there and long story short, I basically went in there trying to recover from 'psychosis' but came out with some type of condition which is way worst then any mental illness on this planet (Suicidal to say the least)

I'll be posting videos real soon on YouTube explaining exactly what happened to me and what I experienced, I'll be linking those videos here on this forum to see what people think about it.

I'm posting this in the attempt of a friendly warning and definitely trying to scare you in anyway, though in the end of the day, fact is stranger then fiction.

Hope all ends up well for you man, all the best!

 

[Mattakriptic]

And holy crap, yeah I also had a similar 'breakdown' almost identical to yours, fearing that I'd end up killing myself and my family, that's what exactly led me to self admit myself to the hospital :/

 

[Aha's Shadow]

Well I've had about three today. Part of the reason for my 'given up' diary entry. Ho Hum. I've given up caring anyway.

 

[Aha's Shadow]

And another huge one today. Actually made me laugh maniacally at the whole ridiculousness of the situation. I truly do give up.