[Guest]

:roll:

Dear all - can anyone help?

I have seen sooo many doctors/specialists - read sooo much information that I am now totally confused!! I have been diagnosed with depression, anxiety .. and now bipolar2. I really do not care what it is called but I am feeling that the 'titles' of what I have keep shifting and I am spinning ... :shock: I even question if I have DR now which was initially my reason for seeking help. If anyone can advise I would be so grateful for some help. The key issues I experience are:

1) When I was 18 I smoked cannabis for about the 3rd time ever - had an enormous panic attack where everything seem to shatter and the next day I felt as if I was slightly drunk (or still stoned) ... I could only describe this as feeling like I had had some wine in the day time ... and everything seemed extremely vivid but I felt somewhat detached from it all. I saw several specialists back then but I was told 'none of us feel normal' by a neurologist .. so nervously went away to university. I always remembered feeling spacy when in daylight but somehow learned to live through it.

2) Between ages 22 - 30 I do not recall this being a significant issue. I suffered from bouts of anxiety and depression but trudged along.

3) A series of unfortunate triggers occured and my anxiety/depression escalated.

4) A sudden severe feeling of detachment occurred whilst on a speedboat on holiday - I was whizzing along and literally I felt like I was just watching the shore fly past - and not really there. Very frightening. I generally felt very unwell on the holiday and developed an irregular heartbeat.

5) I feel as if I am completely over sensitised - like a raw nerve - I feel too much emotion which is triggered very easily.

6) My most disturbing feeling is when outdoors in daylight - I feel as if there is too much stimuli for my brain to process - even light on cloudy days feels bright and I feel myself detach slightly from the environment. Changes in daylight seem to shift my awareness again - if a cloud passes the sun I feel terrified and dusk seems to distort my vision.

7) I was out on citalopram last year which seemed to exacerbate my light sensitivity and anxiety. It also triggered some scary thoughts which like to jump out and frightnen me ...especially questions about reality and existence.

I now see a great shrink who is toying with the idea that I am bipolar 2 and this is why the cannabis years ago had the ability to have such a profound effect. He says that gernerally I am very overstimulated and have an anxiety disorder as well (fun! fun! fun!). I am on mirtazipine and am commencing lamictal shortly, in combination.

Anyhow - I'm sorry - I know I am rambling but I am so confused now .. I have come back to this board and am even questioning if I should be looking on here. I think the DR description fits the bill. I never feel numbed out though - almost the opposite - like I am overloading by even simple every day life .. I am struggling more and more to function at work and seem to be obsessed with how 'weird and wired' I am ... the outdoors DR has become such an issue now that I am developing agrophobic tendencies. I look at others and wish that I could be functioning as they are. I am very frightened.

I am seeing a philosophical counsellor on wednesday - part of me is very nervous though as I worry that my mind is unravelling quite nicely on it's own ... but then I also think I should keep trying new things.

Any advice/words of wisdom woudl be greatly appreciated.

With love,

Liz :?

 

[nemesis]

Sadly no advice, but plenty of questions.

You say that you initially felt a similar sensation to having a glass of wine during the day, where you felt that you were alert, but not quite all there. Do you still suffer from this mild feeling of drunken fog?

I mention this because I have used the very same description in an attempt to portray the sensation I have suffered from over the last 8 years of my illness, so its interesting to see the correlation between our examples. In fact I'd began to put it down to, and then went on to develop a subsequent fear, that I'd incurred permanent brain damage from the anti depressant medication I had been taking over a 6 year period after reading some of Breggin's material on the topic. I've only recently rationalized that this symptom was probably present long before starting any form of medication.

You also mention that things can appear to travel too quickly. I also experience the same sensation, but I've always figured it was that my mind/brain was processing information too slowly. This has somewhat been backed up when I observe the the extended amount of time it takes me to complex complete cognitive tasks versus a normal subject. Whether is due to supression of frontal lobe activity as seen in depression, or a continual loss of attention as seen in anxiety, Im not sure.

Best of luck in your recovery.

 

[Guest]

When I was 18 I smoked cannabis for about the 3rd time ever - had an enormous panic attack where everything seem to shatter and the next day I felt as if I was slightly drunk (or still stoned) I saw several specialists back then but I was told 'none of us feel normal' by a neurologist .. so nervously went away to university. I always remembered feeling spacy when in daylight but somehow learned to live through it.

It's my story Same thing, I tried pot at 18, and it triggered my second DP episode. I can describe it like you. Feeling stoned. I saw many doctors too, and returned to university.

2) Between ages 22 - 30 I do not recall this being a significant issue. I suffered from bouts of anxiety and depression but trudged along. it.

Same thing here. For me DP/Dr went away, and I did have some Dp seconds, but that's all. My delivery at 30 triggered dp/dr.

A sudden severe feeling of detachment occurred whilst on a speedboat on holiday - I was whizzing along and literally I felt like I was just watching the shore fly past - and not really there. Very frightening. I generally felt very unwell on the holiday and developed an irregular heartbeat.

I can feel it when you write it, I can feel who you feel, because when I went in a holiday last year, on a boat, I had the same feeling.

My most disturbing feeling is when outdoors in daylight - I feel as if there is too much stimuli for my brain to process - even light on cloudy days feels bright and I feel myself detach slightly from the environment. Changes in daylight seem to shift my awareness again - if a cloud passes the sun I feel terrified and dusk seems to distort my vision.

My God, same here. Even when I switch from natural light to fluo light, then natural light again... all seem fake and scary. I feel sometimes, that if the sun will go away and it will begin to rain, that I will feel so dp/dr, I will be paralized.

I am on mirtazipine and am commencing lamictal shortly, in combination.

I tried Lamictal too

the outdoors DR has become such an issue now that I am developing agrophobic tendencies. I look at others and wish that I could be functioning as they are. I am very frightened.

Same here

I can't offer you the cure, but just to say you're not alone. Maybe you're bipolar, God knows, but anyway, Lamictal seem to help for many problems, so I wish you good luck with it!!! If you want to talk you can PM me anytime.

Take care,

Allure