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3 Posts
Its taking me alot of courage to post this and even as I write this i feel like giving up and just exiting this page... Where do I start I have had anxiety since 2011 a 7 year battle with healthy anxiety which came too a halt in 2016 till about novemeber 2017, all you need to know about my anxiety that i was dealing with before dp and dr it was just me thinking i had heart problems, brain problems etc i would move from one disease to another thinking i had it and would actually feel the physical symtpoms of them but slowly i controlled my thoughts and became more ocd in I had to perform certrain rituals daily too feel like i am okay feel up my water bottle two certain degree etc, and like turn off my lights at certain time at night but i slowly got over that too some how over time when i got a job i started enjoying in 2016 of march i worked there till november 2017 till i got fired because of a small incident, the life i knew for almost two years just eneded, i really liked that job, the people, the respect, etc but even when i left that job i didnt think effected me that at the moment i did cry etc it was a natural reaction of a good thing coming to an end, but during that year an half almost two yrs i was anxiety free and i finally fell in love at age 24 now i am 26 fyi. But after i got fired about a 2 weeks later i found a new job, which paid more which i disliked tho, the people are okay but i get no respect here, and by decemeber 2017 i had started sleeping really bad i would dream all night long waking up tired and slowly my bad sleep affected my cognitive ablities etc i started gaining weight, eating very unhealthy, sleeping worse every day dreaming alot waking up alot going to washroom, started dreaming vividly, sleep got less and less my healthy anxiety came back as i gained weight i started obessing i will get a heart attack or stoke etc by march 2018 i started feeling deatched from my body like i am walking infront of myself, i started feeling this feeling as i am watching myself at first my deatchement was not bad very minor even tho i felt it 24/7 but every week it got worst and worst i started feeling more and more deatched with other symptoms creeping in till about june 2nd i was so tired that day and slept late, and by the time i woke the next morning i had full blown dp and dr atleast thats what i thought it was and i had convinced myself what I feel this way till now because i dont sleep well.... I am coming here for reassurance per se cause I am confused about what I have.
My Symptoms ( which get more and more serve every week)
- i feel like my whole body is not mine at all my hands and legs are foreign to me i feel like i am just an observer like i am watching myself
- I feel like i don't exist i have no true essence
- I have horrible memory and especially H ost all the time, just dont know ho b s takes me so long too do a small task
- Even if i close my eyes i start dreaming if thats possible? Random visuals start popping me in my head
- Cant sleep properly dream all night viviee. dly and wake up alot even though the duration of sleep i sleep is between 6-8 hrs every night is not quality sleep
- Have issues talking always mumbling, stuttering when i never used to before, i forget words etc my speech in general is garbage.
- Time is either goes by fast or really slow and when i think about that day everything feels like a blur the whole day feels all blacked out when i think about what i did today.
- Lack of awareness of whats going on around me
- When there increased stimlu around me i cant grasp everything and everyone what there saying etc.
- Feeling of unreality dreamlike sometimes not always
- Really low energy, tired, and sleepy all the time
- Mental fatigue
- Feeling really out if it spaced out
- In short i feel like i am going brain dead
- My voice doesnt feel like mine
- I get a blank mind sometimes
- Hard to think in general
- Feel like i am going crazy
- Obsessive mind i cant control my thoughts, all day when i am talking with someone, doesnt matter what I do i keep analyzing how i feel and why i feel like this i keep thinking its because of a deadly disease.I keep telling my family, my loved ones, girlfriend, coworkers etc I will die soon because of the way i feel like to my gf i will say hopefully ill see you tom etc. I am obsessed I am dying of a deadly disease. And i cant get it out of my head that i am dying i keep thinking everything i do will be the last time cause i will die, and keep saying like things like that.
I probably left out some stuff i feel symptoms wise because right now while writing this i feel so out of it and confused and blank minded.
To conclude all my thoughts i will state what i have done to combat whatever i have and why i think its not dp and dr anymore. Well i exercise, i eat healthy, since june i been on strict regime of eating only healthy foods like fruits and vegetables, and stuff like chicken breast, i am drinking lots of water, sugar caffeine, and any junk food has been eliminated from my life. I go to the gym 4-5 times a week and mostly do cardio, i run and swim mostly. I am eating alot of viatmins, omega 3, vitamin b complex, vitamin d, magnesium, probiotics. All this had helped me lose about 30 pounds since june till now but my symptoms till this day since march every week get more and more intense. I have been to the doctors, done a sleep apnea test, done a blood test, done a urine test, got my heart checked, eyes checked, i am seeing a therapist who wants me on pills which i might just end up taking since nothing else helps.
I read online what other ppl experience when having dp and dr and some things I cant relate too, i dont feel like i am looking the world through glass, or through a filter, i dont feel emotionless i feel actually over emotionally in which i cry alot nowadays cause of how i feel, i am able to still work even though its hard as hell and talk to people and do normal things i have a normal routine which they say helps you eliminate dp and dr throughout my dp and dr it hasnt helped, i talk to people i indulge in my hobbies even though i dont wanna do anything except lay in bed and sleep my life away nothing helps i just obsess over how i feel and overthink to point where i think i will die any moment cause i feel so messed. I have tried everything thats why i am starting too think what have is probably is something serious steaming from my sleeping problems a neurological sleeping disorder? maybe its delirium, dementia, or am i going crazy maybe i have psychosis or schizophrenic or something else I dont know i literally feel like i am going brain dead and i have even imagined how i will die in the hospital my funeral etc. I have tried mediation, mindfulness nothing helps. I feel so hopeless right now i am looking for clarity as i write this i am crying just looking at my hands disturbs because they dont feel like mine, and i feel as though i am not control of body.... is this dp and dr or something serious can it be this bad? I just wanna feel normal and get better but feels like every week i keep getting worst and today i am not even functional you dont know how hard it is for me to write this i cant even remember everything i wanna write i am siting at my work in the back warehouse hiding writing this cause i cant work... plz help!
Sorry for the huge rant in advance i wrote whatever came to my head probably missed some stuff out but you probably got the gist and sorry for any vocab or grammar errors its best i can write in this condition
My Symptoms ( which get more and more serve every week)
- i feel like my whole body is not mine at all my hands and legs are foreign to me i feel like i am just an observer like i am watching myself
- I feel like i don't exist i have no true essence
- I have horrible memory and especially H ost all the time, just dont know ho b s takes me so long too do a small task
- Even if i close my eyes i start dreaming if thats possible? Random visuals start popping me in my head
- Cant sleep properly dream all night viviee. dly and wake up alot even though the duration of sleep i sleep is between 6-8 hrs every night is not quality sleep
- Have issues talking always mumbling, stuttering when i never used to before, i forget words etc my speech in general is garbage.
- Time is either goes by fast or really slow and when i think about that day everything feels like a blur the whole day feels all blacked out when i think about what i did today.
- Lack of awareness of whats going on around me
- When there increased stimlu around me i cant grasp everything and everyone what there saying etc.
- Feeling of unreality dreamlike sometimes not always
- Really low energy, tired, and sleepy all the time
- Mental fatigue
- Feeling really out if it spaced out
- In short i feel like i am going brain dead
- My voice doesnt feel like mine
- I get a blank mind sometimes
- Hard to think in general
- Feel like i am going crazy
- Obsessive mind i cant control my thoughts, all day when i am talking with someone, doesnt matter what I do i keep analyzing how i feel and why i feel like this i keep thinking its because of a deadly disease.I keep telling my family, my loved ones, girlfriend, coworkers etc I will die soon because of the way i feel like to my gf i will say hopefully ill see you tom etc. I am obsessed I am dying of a deadly disease. And i cant get it out of my head that i am dying i keep thinking everything i do will be the last time cause i will die, and keep saying like things like that.
I probably left out some stuff i feel symptoms wise because right now while writing this i feel so out of it and confused and blank minded.
To conclude all my thoughts i will state what i have done to combat whatever i have and why i think its not dp and dr anymore. Well i exercise, i eat healthy, since june i been on strict regime of eating only healthy foods like fruits and vegetables, and stuff like chicken breast, i am drinking lots of water, sugar caffeine, and any junk food has been eliminated from my life. I go to the gym 4-5 times a week and mostly do cardio, i run and swim mostly. I am eating alot of viatmins, omega 3, vitamin b complex, vitamin d, magnesium, probiotics. All this had helped me lose about 30 pounds since june till now but my symptoms till this day since march every week get more and more intense. I have been to the doctors, done a sleep apnea test, done a blood test, done a urine test, got my heart checked, eyes checked, i am seeing a therapist who wants me on pills which i might just end up taking since nothing else helps.
I read online what other ppl experience when having dp and dr and some things I cant relate too, i dont feel like i am looking the world through glass, or through a filter, i dont feel emotionless i feel actually over emotionally in which i cry alot nowadays cause of how i feel, i am able to still work even though its hard as hell and talk to people and do normal things i have a normal routine which they say helps you eliminate dp and dr throughout my dp and dr it hasnt helped, i talk to people i indulge in my hobbies even though i dont wanna do anything except lay in bed and sleep my life away nothing helps i just obsess over how i feel and overthink to point where i think i will die any moment cause i feel so messed. I have tried everything thats why i am starting too think what have is probably is something serious steaming from my sleeping problems a neurological sleeping disorder? maybe its delirium, dementia, or am i going crazy maybe i have psychosis or schizophrenic or something else I dont know i literally feel like i am going brain dead and i have even imagined how i will die in the hospital my funeral etc. I have tried mediation, mindfulness nothing helps. I feel so hopeless right now i am looking for clarity as i write this i am crying just looking at my hands disturbs because they dont feel like mine, and i feel as though i am not control of body.... is this dp and dr or something serious can it be this bad? I just wanna feel normal and get better but feels like every week i keep getting worst and today i am not even functional you dont know how hard it is for me to write this i cant even remember everything i wanna write i am siting at my work in the back warehouse hiding writing this cause i cant work... plz help!
Sorry for the huge rant in advance i wrote whatever came to my head probably missed some stuff out but you probably got the gist and sorry for any vocab or grammar errors its best i can write in this condition
