compulsive monitoring of dpdr symptoms because of emotional numbness

980 Views 13 Replies 6 Participants Last post by Trith, 4 mo ago

leminaseri

Discussion Starter · 4 mo ago

i dont think we experience dpdr chronically because there are obsessive compulsive components. in my experience and observations this compulsion happens because there is no other things at my life i can focus on and „feel“ them. if i would have emotional reactions on the other parts on my life, the attention on the symptoms would decrease automatically. just like people who can have bigger problems than other medical diseases they have. for instance someone with bad cancer, can still say that his family or children do have more importance than his illness. or someone bounded to the wheelchair can definitely forget his disability when sitting in the cinema (because healthy people dont anything else either). but for us, or for me, their is no cinema where i can sit and forget about my symptoms. most of the time im busy and have actually a pretty good life. i have a wonderful wife. i moved to a entirely new city from my hometown 650 kilometres away to build my family. im not bounded on my parents place as many people with chronic dpd are. but still, all of this dont change anything in my suffering. the last couple of days i got somehow worse. i really felt the pain how my life became in the last 3 years, and it destroyed me over and over again. i literally felt that pain on my chest physically.

man, i dont know how to get better. i dont know how to become better. if someone of you know something please say me. im planning in the course of this year to making very detailed diagnostic tests of my brain and other parts of my body. i have bad hashimotos and chronic low vitamin d. but never believe that these things can be the cause of all of this because i got this issues long before i got the dpdr on january 2020. at my home country turkey there is a very good, technologically high end hospital where i can afford thanks to the cheap currency there almost everything diagnosis and treatment wise. but i dont know where to begin. please make me some recommendations. ill be grateful.

once i did a qeeg there, and the doc said that my brain shows a very similar pattern to other patients who were diagnosed with major depression. but other than that, my brain is okay he said. i got very high scores on every depression scales. but dont know man. depression or dpdr or maybe even both. its just horrible..

dont know what to say anymore. please say anything what you think about my prognosis and about my future, what i can or should try. i have a very dark time lately. the last 2-3 months i was actually doing okay.

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leminaseri

Discussion Starter · #3 · 4 mo ago

Peter said:
The vitamin d deficiency should be fixable by just supplementing, which would be a good idea even if it doesn't cause any symptoms, because it still increases the risk for things like osteoporosis and various autoimmune diseases. Don't know much of anything about Hashimoto, but it appears to be capable of causing lots of symptoms. I wouldn't be surprised if depersonalization was one of them, but I'm not aware of any research about this. But I assume that your Hashimoto is already being treated.

Yeah, I'm also a high scorer on depression scales. So far 38 points was my highest score on the second revision of the Beck Depression Inventory and some years ago I was even talking with a psychiatrist at a university clinic about trying electroconvulsive therapy.

Basically it's trial and error. Your options are also dependent on what you are actually willing to try. If your attitude on medications and neuromodulation did not change, then you are left with psychotherapy, which probably doesn't have a high chance to help or to wait that things get better by themselves.

thanks for your reply. what do you think in terms of diagnostic interventions? like pet scan or fmri something like that. just like mentioned, i once did qeeg and it just showed slight abnormalities in the back of the brain

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leminaseri

Discussion Starter · #5 · 4 mo ago

NoDevils said:
I've surrendered. There's no scan or vitamin that will make this go away. Sometimes it gets better or worse with time. I'm going to live my life to the best of my ability, same as if I had Alzheimer's or lost a limb. In many ways I'm fortunate not to have something more serious like those conditions or to have died, as is wholly possible.

I agree with Peter that medications help some people. On another note, people with depersonalization often have comorbid depression and anxiety. You may want to try medications. TCMS isn't super promising but it doesn't seem harmful either.

Improving your diet, exercising, and taking appropriate vitamins will be good for your health. Personally I wouldn't undertake them with the aim of curing depersonalization.

Some of the best and most interesting moments of my life happened when I was sad, struggling with mental illness, or experiencing depersonalization. I had emotions the entire time. I've met a couple people with depersonalization but I've never met someone without emotions. Much of my empty feelings were due to stress burnout and having little to do on account of poverty.

thank you very much for the input. it isnt actually about getting magically rid of the dp. i rather want to know what is going on on my body and mind. maybe you just didnt have emotional numbness? isnt that a possibility?

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leminaseri

Discussion Starter · #13 · 4 mo ago

Trith said:
It sucks that you feel like this. All I could say might fall in the easier said than done category but one coping strategy that seems to work for me now is to try to love myself as I am instead of fighting anything. In my case obsessive thinking usually goes with control and some form of self-hatred. So I try to give myself the opposite of that as best as I can. I try to give love to anything in my experience, even the things that frustrate me. And if there is a part of me that doesn't love me as I am, I give love to this part too. And if more frustration arises, I give love to that too. This really sounds super corny, and I used to be allergic to corny stuff, but this still works for me. I realize I actually picture being a firefighter throwing gallons of "love-water" at a fire... For me it doesn't stop the thoughts, perhaps it eases them I don't know, but it makes me feel better. Obsessive thinking can really be hard, this kind of thing pushed me to tears before, it's very real. And even if we can't stop it on the spot, I think at least we deserve to have love and understanding for ourselves.

i believe, im suffering from chronic self hatred since im 6 years old. i suffered so heavy chronic mobbing and emotional abuse that there was no other choice than hating myself. im literally on the last rope. dont know anymore whats right and left. even though im just 3 years in the dpdr (well first got it 2011 for 4 years than recovered completely dont know if we can count that years together if yes than im 12 years in 😂😂) i feel like there wont be an end from this suffering. im gonna trying codein or heroin maybe it gives me some relief

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