[leminaseri]

i dont think we experience dpdr chronically because there are obsessive compulsive components. in my experience and observations this compulsion happens because there is no other things at my life i can focus on and „feel“ them. if i would have emotional reactions on the other parts on my life, the attention on the symptoms would decrease automatically. just like people who can have bigger problems than other medical diseases they have. for instance someone with bad cancer, can still say that his family or children do have more importance than his illness. or someone bounded to the wheelchair can definitely forget his disability when sitting in the cinema (because healthy people dont anything else either). but for us, or for me, their is no cinema where i can sit and forget about my symptoms. most of the time im busy and have actually a pretty good life. i have a wonderful wife. i moved to a entirely new city from my hometown 650 kilometres away to build my family. im not bounded on my parents place as many people with chronic dpd are. but still, all of this dont change anything in my suffering. the last couple of days i got somehow worse. i really felt the pain how my life became in the last 3 years, and it destroyed me over and over again. i literally felt that pain on my chest physically.

man, i dont know how to get better. i dont know how to become better. if someone of you know something please say me. im planning in the course of this year to making very detailed diagnostic tests of my brain and other parts of my body. i have bad hashimotos and chronic low vitamin d. but never believe that these things can be the cause of all of this because i got this issues long before i got the dpdr on january 2020. at my home country turkey there is a very good, technologically high end hospital where i can afford thanks to the cheap currency there almost everything diagnosis and treatment wise. but i dont know where to begin. please make me some recommendations. ill be grateful.

once i did a qeeg there, and the doc said that my brain shows a very similar pattern to other patients who were diagnosed with major depression. but other than that, my brain is okay he said. i got very high scores on every depression scales. but dont know man. depression or dpdr or maybe even both. its just horrible..

dont know what to say anymore. please say anything what you think about my prognosis and about my future, what i can or should try. i have a very dark time lately. the last 2-3 months i was actually doing okay.

 

[Peter]

im planning in the course of this year to making very detailed diagnostic tests of my brain and other parts of my body. i have bad hashimotos and chronic low vitamin d

The vitamin d deficiency should be fixable by just supplementing, which would be a good idea even if it doesn't cause any symptoms, because it still increases the risk for things like osteoporosis and various autoimmune diseases. Don't know much of anything about Hashimoto, but it appears to be capable of causing lots of symptoms. I wouldn't be surprised if depersonalization was one of them, but I'm not aware of any research about this. But I assume that your Hashimoto is already being treated.

i got very high scores on every depression scales. but dont know man. depression or dpdr or maybe even both. its just horrible..

Yeah, I'm also a high scorer on depression scales. So far 38 points was my highest score on the second revision of the Beck Depression Inventory and some years ago I was even talking with a psychiatrist at a university clinic about trying electroconvulsive therapy.

dont know what to say anymore. please say anything what you think about my prognosis and about my future, what i can or should try. i have a very dark time lately. the last 2-3 months i was actually doing okay.

Basically it's trial and error. Your options are also dependent on what you are actually willing to try. If your attitude on medications and neuromodulation did not change, then you are left with psychotherapy, which probably doesn't have a high chance to help or to wait that things get better by themselves.

 

[leminaseri]

The vitamin d deficiency should be fixable by just supplementing, which would be a good idea even if it doesn't cause any symptoms, because it still increases the risk for things like osteoporosis and various autoimmune diseases. Don't know much of anything about Hashimoto, but it appears to be capable of causing lots of symptoms. I wouldn't be surprised if depersonalization was one of them, but I'm not aware of any research about this. But I assume that your Hashimoto is already being treated.



Yeah, I'm also a high scorer on depression scales. So far 38 points was my highest score on the second revision of the Beck Depression Inventory and some years ago I was even talking with a psychiatrist at a university clinic about trying electroconvulsive therapy.



Basically it's trial and error. Your options are also dependent on what you are actually willing to try. If your attitude on medications and neuromodulation did not change, then you are left with psychotherapy, which probably doesn't have a high chance to help or to wait that things get better by themselves.

thanks for your reply. what do you think in terms of diagnostic interventions? like pet scan or fmri something like that. just like mentioned, i once did qeeg and it just showed slight abnormalities in the back of the brain

 

[NoDevils]

I've surrendered. There's no scan or vitamin that will make this go away. Sometimes it gets better or worse with time. I'm going to live my life to the best of my ability, same as if I had Alzheimer's or lost a limb. In many ways I'm fortunate not to have something more serious like those conditions or to have died, as is wholly possible.

I agree with Peter that medications help some people. On another note, people with depersonalization often have comorbid depression and anxiety. You may want to try medications. TCMS isn't super promising but it doesn't seem harmful either.

Improving your diet, exercising, and taking appropriate vitamins will be good for your health. Personally I wouldn't undertake them with the aim of curing depersonalization.

Some of the best and most interesting moments of my life happened when I was sad, struggling with mental illness, or experiencing depersonalization. I had emotions the entire time. I've met a couple people with depersonalization but I've never met someone without emotions. Much of my empty feelings were due to stress burnout and having little to do on account of poverty.

 

[leminaseri]

I've surrendered. There's no scan or vitamin that will make this go away. Sometimes it gets better or worse with time. I'm going to live my life to the best of my ability, same as if I had Alzheimer's or lost a limb. In many ways I'm fortunate not to have something more serious like those conditions or to have died, as is wholly possible.

I agree with Peter that medications help some people. On another note, people with depersonalization often have comorbid depression and anxiety. You may want to try medications. TCMS isn't super promising but it doesn't seem harmful either.

Improving your diet, exercising, and taking appropriate vitamins will be good for your health. Personally I wouldn't undertake them with the aim of curing depersonalization.

Some of the best and most interesting moments of my life happened when I was sad, struggling with mental illness, or experiencing depersonalization. I had emotions the entire time. I've met a couple people with depersonalization but I've never met someone without emotions. Much of my empty feelings were due to stress burnout and having little to do on account of poverty.

thank you very much for the input. it isnt actually about getting magically rid of the dp. i rather want to know what is going on on my body and mind. maybe you just didnt have emotional numbness? isnt that a possibility?

 

[NoDevils]

thank you very much for the input. it isnt actually about getting magically rid of the dp. i rather want to know what is going on on my body and mind. maybe you just didnt have emotional numbness? isnt that a possibility?

People are like, "I'm so angry and scared about the fact I don't have emotions." Emotions can become blunted or disassociated which can be unpleasant, especially during a moment when high emotions are socially expected.

Far as seeking a cure or agitating for better treatment as a solo venture, the futility of that should be obvious. If we're going to accomplish anything like that we need to do it together.

There are people who recovered. They say things like eat healthier, maybe try prozac or something, or just learn to ignore depersonalization. You're free to try these things and they're not likely to hurt you. Ultimately, this is about acceptance of reality.

 

[coolwhip27]

People be like, "I'm so angry and scared about the fact I don't have emotions." Far as seeking a cure or agitating for better treatment as a solo venture, the futility of that should be obvious. There are people who recovered. They say things like eat healthier and maybe try prozac or something. You're free to try these things because they're not likely to hurt you. Ultimately, this is about acceptance of reality.

What I actually think about the “solution” to all this is so complex. And I get serious anxiety from trying to put it into words. For years I’ve written notes with no success. It’s like the shadows im trying to escape from are only coming into being because of the escaping. It’s like the same thing as trying to stop thought.. As soon as you say to yourself “I have no thought” thats again, more thought. Recovering from DP in my view is like that, so it can only come into being easily and naturally. While you’re relaxed per se. It’s super discouraging to know that inaction is the answer and I just can’t shut my god damn mind up.

 

[coolwhip27]

Hey leminaseri, I don’t have the answer but I heard something from three little birds. They were singing, don’t worry…about a thing. Cuz every little thing, is gonna be alright. (That’s the only thing that helps me btw)

 

[daniella2735]

i dont think we experience dpdr chronically because there are obsessive compulsive components. in my experience and observations this compulsion happens because there is no other things at my life i can focus on and „feel“ them. if i would have emotional reactions on the other parts on my life, the attention on the symptoms would decrease automatically. just like people who can have bigger problems than other medical diseases they have. for instance someone with bad cancer, can still say that his family or children do have more importance than his illness. or someone bounded to the wheelchair can definitely forget his disability when sitting in the cinema (because healthy people dont anything else either). but for us, or for me, their is no cinema where i can sit and forget about my symptoms. most of the time im busy and have actually a pretty good life. i have a wonderful wife. i moved to a entirely new city from my hometown 650 kilometres away to build my family. im not bounded on my parents place as many people with chronic dpd are. but still, all of this dont change anything in my suffering. the last couple of days i got somehow worse. i really felt the pain how my life became in the last 3 years, and it destroyed me over and over again. i literally felt that pain on my chest physically.

man, i dont know how to get better. i dont know how to become better. if someone of you know something please say me. im planning in the course of this year to making very detailed diagnostic tests of my brain and other parts of my body. i have bad hashimotos and chronic low vitamin d. but never believe that these things can be the cause of all of this because i got this issues long before i got the dpdr on january 2020. at my home country turkey there is a very good, technologically high end hospital where i can afford thanks to the cheap currency there almost everything diagnosis and treatment wise. but i dont know where to begin. please make me some recommendations. ill be grateful.

once i did a qeeg there, and the doc said that my brain shows a very similar pattern to other patients who were diagnosed with major depression. but other than that, my brain is okay he said. i got very high scores on every depression scales. but dont know man. depression or dpdr or maybe even both. its just horrible..

dont know what to say anymore. please say anything what you think about my prognosis and about my future, what i can or should try. i have a very dark time lately. the last 2-3 months i was actually doing okay.

 

[daniella2735]

i dont think we experience dpdr chronically because there are obsessive compulsive components. in my experience and observations this compulsion happens because there is no other things at my life i can focus on and „feel“ them. if i would have emotional reactions on the other parts on my life, the attention on the symptoms would decrease automatically. just like people who can have bigger problems than other medical diseases they have. for instance someone with bad cancer, can still say that his family or children do have more importance than his illness. or someone bounded to the wheelchair can definitely forget his disability when sitting in the cinema (because healthy people dont anything else either). but for us, or for me, their is no cinema where i can sit and forget about my symptoms. most of the time im busy and have actually a pretty good life. i have a wonderful wife. i moved to a entirely new city from my hometown 650 kilometres away to build my family. im not bounded on my parents place as many people with chronic dpd are. but still, all of this dont change anything in my suffering. the last couple of days i got somehow worse. i really felt the pain how my life became in the last 3 years, and it destroyed me over and over again. i literally felt that pain on my chest physically.

man, i dont know how to get better. i dont know how to become better. if someone of you know something please say me. im planning in the course of this year to making very detailed diagnostic tests of my brain and other parts of my body. i have bad hashimotos and chronic low vitamin d. but never believe that these things can be the cause of all of this because i got this issues long before i got the dpdr on january 2020. at my home country turkey there is a very good, technologically high end hospital where i can afford thanks to the cheap currency there almost everything diagnosis and treatment wise. but i dont know where to begin. please make me some recommendations. ill be grateful.

once i did a qeeg there, and the doc said that my brain shows a very similar pattern to other patients who were diagnosed with major depression. but other than that, my brain is okay he said. i got very high scores on every depression scales. but dont know man. depression or dpdr or maybe even both. its just horrible..

dont know what to say anymore. please say anything what you think about my prognosis and about my future, what i can or should try. i have a very dark time lately. the last 2-3 months i was actually doing okay.

Hello , I'm so sorry your going through this I actually went through chronic dpdr for as long as I can remember and my symptoms have recently started to finally after probably like 8 years start to fade away. It's been hard to recover though but it's getting better, I can tell you one thing try not to be scared of what you have, tell yourself your safe and that it won't harm you, the more you see it won't do anything to you the more it will fade away it's a weird exercise but It works I had maladaptive daydreaming when I was a kid and that's what I did to cure that also basically love it so much until it realizes it can't torment you anymore it'll get boring and fade away. I promise you , you will see the brighter days coming soon cause I was in your position scared for my life as well and I believe you can make it through it have faith and keep thriving to your day to day life ✨️ 💖

 

[Peter]

thanks for your reply. what do you think in terms of diagnostic interventions? like pet scan or fmri something like that. just like mentioned, i once did qeeg and it just showed slight abnormalities in the back of the brain

You won't be able to get PET and fMRI outside of research studies. But this isn't that much of a problem if you got a depression diagnosis. You just need to look for a study employing PET or fMRI that enrolls patients with depression. You may even get paid for your participation. However, unless you want to try some kind of experimental neuromodulation treatment, like TMS targeting some brain regions derived from your pictures, you won't have much use of that.

 

[Trith]

i dont think we experience dpdr chronically because there are obsessive compulsive components. in my experience and observations this compulsion happens because there is no other things at my life i can focus on and „feel“ them. if i would have emotional reactions on the other parts on my life, the attention on the symptoms would decrease automatically. just like people who can have bigger problems than other medical diseases they have. for instance someone with bad cancer, can still say that his family or children do have more importance than his illness. or someone bounded to the wheelchair can definitely forget his disability when sitting in the cinema (because healthy people dont anything else either). but for us, or for me, their is no cinema where i can sit and forget about my symptoms. most of the time im busy and have actually a pretty good life. i have a wonderful wife. i moved to a entirely new city from my hometown 650 kilometres away to build my family. im not bounded on my parents place as many people with chronic dpd are. but still, all of this dont change anything in my suffering. the last couple of days i got somehow worse. i really felt the pain how my life became in the last 3 years, and it destroyed me over and over again. i literally felt that pain on my chest physically.

man, i dont know how to get better. i dont know how to become better. if someone of you know something please say me. im planning in the course of this year to making very detailed diagnostic tests of my brain and other parts of my body. i have bad hashimotos and chronic low vitamin d. but never believe that these things can be the cause of all of this because i got this issues long before i got the dpdr on january 2020. at my home country turkey there is a very good, technologically high end hospital where i can afford thanks to the cheap currency there almost everything diagnosis and treatment wise. but i dont know where to begin. please make me some recommendations. ill be grateful.

once i did a qeeg there, and the doc said that my brain shows a very similar pattern to other patients who were diagnosed with major depression. but other than that, my brain is okay he said. i got very high scores on every depression scales. but dont know man. depression or dpdr or maybe even both. its just horrible..

dont know what to say anymore. please say anything what you think about my prognosis and about my future, what i can or should try. i have a very dark time lately. the last 2-3 months i was actually doing okay.

It sucks that you feel like this. All I could say might fall in the easier said than done category but one coping strategy that seems to work for me now is to try to love myself as I am instead of fighting anything. In my case obsessive thinking usually goes with control and some form of self-hatred. So I try to give myself the opposite of that as best as I can. I try to give love to anything in my experience, even the things that frustrate me. And if there is a part of me that doesn't love me as I am, I give love to this part too. And if more frustration arises, I give love to that too. This really sounds super corny, and I used to be allergic to corny stuff, but this still works for me. I realize I actually picture being a firefighter throwing gallons of "love-water" at a fire... For me it doesn't stop the thoughts, perhaps it eases them I don't know, but it makes me feel better. Obsessive thinking can really be hard, this kind of thing pushed me to tears before, it's very real. And even if we can't stop it on the spot, I think at least we deserve to have love and understanding for ourselves.

 

[leminaseri]

It sucks that you feel like this. All I could say might fall in the easier said than done category but one coping strategy that seems to work for me now is to try to love myself as I am instead of fighting anything. In my case obsessive thinking usually goes with control and some form of self-hatred. So I try to give myself the opposite of that as best as I can. I try to give love to anything in my experience, even the things that frustrate me. And if there is a part of me that doesn't love me as I am, I give love to this part too. And if more frustration arises, I give love to that too. This really sounds super corny, and I used to be allergic to corny stuff, but this still works for me. I realize I actually picture being a firefighter throwing gallons of "love-water" at a fire... For me it doesn't stop the thoughts, perhaps it eases them I don't know, but it makes me feel better. Obsessive thinking can really be hard, this kind of thing pushed me to tears before, it's very real. And even if we can't stop it on the spot, I think at least we deserve to have love and understanding for ourselves.

i believe, im suffering from chronic self hatred since im 6 years old. i suffered so heavy chronic mobbing and emotional abuse that there was no other choice than hating myself. im literally on the last rope. dont know anymore whats right and left. even though im just 3 years in the dpdr (well first got it 2011 for 4 years than recovered completely dont know if we can count that years together if yes than im 12 years in 😂😂) i feel like there wont be an end from this suffering. im gonna trying codein or heroin maybe it gives me some relief

 

[Trith]

i believe, im suffering from chronic self hatred since im 6 years old. i suffered so heavy chronic mobbing and emotional abuse that there was no other choice than hating myself. im literally on the last rope. dont know anymore whats right and left. even though im just 3 years in the dpdr (well first got it 2011 for 4 years than recovered completely dont know if we can count that years together if yes than im 12 years in 😂😂) i feel like there wont be an end from this suffering. im gonna trying codein or heroin maybe it gives me some relief

Hey leminaseri, I can't tell you what to do, you are absolutely free, but I sincerely hope you won't do opiates. Have you ever taken any before? I have tried just painkillers in the past when I was depressed and sleep deprived, thinking I would do it just once, but it didn't help. It was kind of pleasant physically but I felt out of myself, and it definitely didn't help with derealization. I am somehow glad I didn't like it that much, but some people do like it too much. They have been there and we don't have to. I have met several people who went through that in addiction therapy, and it's really the last thing anyone deserves to add to their life.
I can't read your mind but for me, I had several motivations to do that: one was that I knew I deserved to feel good, and I felt nobody and nothing was helping really and I somehow thought "don't tell me to not do this if you are also not going to help me or care". It was also a way to say "don't tell me what to do, you can't help me so now you have lost, I'm going to help myself my own way". Also I knew the stigma associated with it, and I also knew it wasn't a good thing to do but it was some kind of self harm as well. I did self harm for a short time when I was a teenager, and it was a time when I was suffering a lot, it was unbearable and I couldn't even put words on it and could barely even cry. And when I self harmed I felt the physical pain and saw the scars on my body, I could feel that at least now there was an exterior sign of the pain I was feeling inside. The physical pain was still not as strong as the mental one, but at least the physical world was now more aligned with how I felt inside. For me, taking opiates felt like this too, I knew doing opiates regularly is a form of self destruction, but I thought at least it would match what I felt inside and, and there was this feeling, like with self harm, where even if I didn't tell anyone, it was like I felt I would be taken more seriously if people knew, or perhaps I was fed up with the fact that all my suffering was so invisible, like it didn't exist and was unbearable at the same time. Do you relate with some of this?
The thing is most of us probably know how much depression and DPDR can suck. But I think being addicted to that could add even more of the same problems of being detached from reality and from others, and could suck the little life that is left in us. I think it would not even replace the problem with another one, but just add one on top of another. But you deserve to feel good and have a good life. We don't know each other, but I like your comments, even when you want to punch me in the face (but not only), it sounds like you have especially a lot of life in you and a lot of willingness to be better. Also I think you have a good talent with those lyrics and I would really like to read more if you write more.