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Complete Destruction Of What Is Anthony

1191 Views 13 Replies 6 Participants Last post by  rainboteers
I know longer feel what once was my personality. The most overpowering feeling is that I don't know who I am or what my life history is. It's like I have tottally forgotten myself, family and friends and yet... I can't even feel emotions towards this.

I find myself doing regular activities and start asking myself... what the hell is this that I'm doing, how did I get into this, what am I, what is this... an activity as simple as sitting eating your breakfast. Everything is paranormal to me.

What I did in the morning... I seem to forget later on that day or when I remember... its like it never happened... an out and out dream.

How did I learn to eat, how did I learn to talk, fuck how the hell did I learn to open a can of beer, WHERE DO MY WORDS COME FROM!?!?! I dunno... its like I'm an automated machine with no feeling of ones self or surroundings.

I don't think I can carry on to find the words to describe everything I'm feeling.

It's Bad. :(

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Sojourner your post about the house made me feel bad because I just realized that the word house had no meaning to me before I even looked at it. I have problems with every word because they all seem meaningless all the time. Sometimes I will have serious problems saying or spelling a word that I should know very well.

I was feeling heavy dp/dr wile reading this thread until I read this.

That anybody -- and if you doubt me, ask your friendly, neighborhood Nobel laureate -- "knows" anything is an illusion in itself. If you can grasp that fact without having a reaction to it, then you are a grown-up. That's what growing up is -- seeing the weirdness of reality and not letting it drive you crazy.

Are you beginning to get the picture?
Yes I am getting the picture.
That must be why I still feel like a child in many ways.
Wile reading your post I snaped out of dp/dr almost completly but just for a few seconds. As I sit here and think about how anything is an illusion I am leaving the dp/dr behind. This is strange. WoW Sojourner I don't quite know what it is about what you said but I feel diffrent. I am totally serious.
This is Cool 8) :D .
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