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Complete Destruction Of What Is Anthony

1195 Views 13 Replies 6 Participants Last post by  rainboteers
I know longer feel what once was my personality. The most overpowering feeling is that I don't know who I am or what my life history is. It's like I have tottally forgotten myself, family and friends and yet... I can't even feel emotions towards this.

I find myself doing regular activities and start asking myself... what the hell is this that I'm doing, how did I get into this, what am I, what is this... an activity as simple as sitting eating your breakfast. Everything is paranormal to me.

What I did in the morning... I seem to forget later on that day or when I remember... its like it never happened... an out and out dream.

How did I learn to eat, how did I learn to talk, fuck how the hell did I learn to open a can of beer, WHERE DO MY WORDS COME FROM!?!?! I dunno... its like I'm an automated machine with no feeling of ones self or surroundings.

I don't think I can carry on to find the words to describe everything I'm feeling.

It's Bad. :(

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Imagine I understand what your saying and I to get that feeling especially when I wake in the morning and look about me and think what the phuck is this existence thing? What am I? Who was I before? etc, etc (you know where it goes from here). But after a while I slowing morph back into reality.

Sojourner's example above is what I think we dp'ers do that creates these symptoms. Anything in our reality can lose it's meaning if we perceive it from a different mind perspective be it on purpose or not. Trouble is that our minds are coded in such a way that when we experience these non reality states a switch is flicked in our mind and we're then stuck in a cycle of awry perceptions, anxiety and fear that no normal person could ever fathom. We have to stop focusing on these things! Easy said but virtually impossible to do when your in the midst of the disorder.

I am finding now that I still get the weird perceptions many, many times each day but I'm able to control my mind by distracting it as soon as I become aware of myself paying attention to the dp/dr. The fear also has diminished over the last three months. I really not sure why but maybe it was me trying really hard not to focus on the beast that has helped. Give heed to Janine's advice and focus your attention away from the state as much as possible and over time your old self will come back. There are many people who have recovered on this site and the door is open for the rest of us. I'm hoping to pass through that door soon. Imagine, I know where your coming from and I understand your pain. I hope I have helped you a little.

Wishing you well,

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