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Complete Destruction Of What Is Anthony

1196 Views 13 Replies 6 Participants Last post by  rainboteers
I know longer feel what once was my personality. The most overpowering feeling is that I don't know who I am or what my life history is. It's like I have tottally forgotten myself, family and friends and yet... I can't even feel emotions towards this.

I find myself doing regular activities and start asking myself... what the hell is this that I'm doing, how did I get into this, what am I, what is this... an activity as simple as sitting eating your breakfast. Everything is paranormal to me.

What I did in the morning... I seem to forget later on that day or when I remember... its like it never happened... an out and out dream.

How did I learn to eat, how did I learn to talk, fuck how the hell did I learn to open a can of beer, WHERE DO MY WORDS COME FROM!?!?! I dunno... its like I'm an automated machine with no feeling of ones self or surroundings.

I don't think I can carry on to find the words to describe everything I'm feeling.

It's Bad. :(

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Think of "feeling unreal" as a normal experience that everyone has from time to time. It comes to absolutely everyone -- but it comes swiftly and leaves even faster.

However, when you focus on "feeling unreal" -- just like when you focus for a long time on a word, for example, like the word that appears in larger type below -- a distortion is after a while introduced that skews your ability to discern meaning or sense of any kind in that word.

Stare at this word (please note that you have to stare at least 30 seconds):


What happened when you stared at the word?

Didn't the word lose its meaning entirely?

Weren't you staring at meaningless squiggles on the screen?

Didn't it feel weird to have the thought that you were looking at a common English word that suddenly had no meaning to you?

Didn't it feel weird that the letters themselves started to look meaningless?


If the experiment here didn't work, try it on another word, any word -- anywhere.

The same thing happens when you focus on feeling unreal.

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That anybody -- and if you doubt me, ask your friendly, neighborhood Nobel laureate -- "knows" anything is an illusion in itself. If you can grasp that fact without having a reaction to it, then you are a grown-up. That's what growing up is -- seeing the weirdness of reality and not letting it drive you crazy.

Are you beginning to get the picture?
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