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Complete Destruction Of What Is Anthony

1193 Views 13 Replies 6 Participants Last post by  rainboteers
I know longer feel what once was my personality. The most overpowering feeling is that I don't know who I am or what my life history is. It's like I have tottally forgotten myself, family and friends and yet... I can't even feel emotions towards this.

I find myself doing regular activities and start asking myself... what the hell is this that I'm doing, how did I get into this, what am I, what is this... an activity as simple as sitting eating your breakfast. Everything is paranormal to me.

What I did in the morning... I seem to forget later on that day or when I remember... its like it never happened... an out and out dream.

How did I learn to eat, how did I learn to talk, fuck how the hell did I learn to open a can of beer, WHERE DO MY WORDS COME FROM!?!?! I dunno... its like I'm an automated machine with no feeling of ones self or surroundings.

I don't think I can carry on to find the words to describe everything I'm feeling.

It's Bad. :(

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Did'nt have to stare long for it to lose meaning, like umm 2 seconds, lol.

But yeah I know where your coming from.
These feelings to this extremity have been going on non stop for at least 3 months.

Plus a feeling I can only describe as brain freeze.... when I am doing something and my mind is occupied... I get this feeling right out of the blue and I just pause when it happens.... like my brain just shuts down for a few seconds, can't think, move or anything.

I fear for my central nervous system.

I fear for my sanity.

I fear for my life. :(
Hella light headed and dizzy tonight, feels like my skull is empty.

Tottally dumbfounded.
You know what, because of this I can't even enjoy the regular things in my life... being it my job, love, my hobbies or eating.

Everything is not there for me.

Why live.

I mean really, why live.

When I'm not feeling, I'm not living.
It is actually at the stage where I struggle to define what was a dream and what was reality.
1 - 7 of 14 Posts
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