[Imagine]

I know longer feel what once was my personality. The most overpowering feeling is that I don't know who I am or what my life history is. It's like I have tottally forgotten myself, family and friends and yet... I can't even feel emotions towards this.

I find myself doing regular activities and start asking myself... what the hell is this that I'm doing, how did I get into this, what am I, what is this... an activity as simple as sitting eating your breakfast. Everything is paranormal to me.

What I did in the morning... I seem to forget later on that day or when I remember... its like it never happened... an out and out dream.

How did I learn to eat, how did I learn to talk, fuck how the hell did I learn to open a can of beer, WHERE DO MY WORDS COME FROM!?!?! I dunno... its like I'm an automated machine with no feeling of ones self or surroundings.

I don't think I can carry on to find the words to describe everything I'm feeling.

It's Bad.

 

[Sojourner]

Think of "feeling unreal" as a normal experience that everyone has from time to time. It comes to absolutely everyone -- but it comes swiftly and leaves even faster.

However, when you focus on "feeling unreal" -- just like when you focus for a long time on a word, for example, like the word that appears in larger type below -- a distortion is after a while introduced that skews your ability to discern meaning or sense of any kind in that word.

Stare at this word (please note that you have to stare at least 30 seconds):

house

What happened when you stared at the word?

Didn't the word lose its meaning entirely?

Weren't you staring at meaningless squiggles on the screen?

Didn't it feel weird to have the thought that you were looking at a common English word that suddenly had no meaning to you?

Didn't it feel weird that the letters themselves started to look meaningless?

---------------

If the experiment here didn't work, try it on another word, any word -- anywhere.

The same thing happens when you focus on feeling unreal.

Sojourner

 

[Imagine]

Did'nt have to stare long for it to lose meaning, like umm 2 seconds, lol.

But yeah I know where your coming from.

 

[whiterabbit]

Imagine, just to say I relate totally with what you are saying, I am having ongoing bout of this - not feeling connected to myself or surroundings, not feeling emotions towards friends and family - and like you express it feels awful - i.e. feels something - that one cannot connect at the normal level with thoughts, feelings, actions, - actually it makes me cry a lot - therefore one can only assume one's feelings towards our external world are in there somewhere, but for some reason we cannot access them and that they will return - how long have you had this episode for? Hang on in there - that is what everyone says to me.

Sarah x

 

[Imagine]

These feelings to this extremity have been going on non stop for at least 3 months.

Plus a feeling I can only describe as brain freeze.... when I am doing something and my mind is occupied... I get this feeling right out of the blue and I just pause when it happens.... like my brain just shuts down for a few seconds, can't think, move or anything.

I fear for my central nervous system.

I fear for my sanity.

I fear for my life.

 

[Milan]

Imagine I understand what your saying and I to get that feeling especially when I wake in the morning and look about me and think what the phuck is this existence thing? What am I? Who was I before? etc, etc (you know where it goes from here). But after a while I slowing morph back into reality.

Sojourner's example above is what I think we dp'ers do that creates these symptoms. Anything in our reality can lose it's meaning if we perceive it from a different mind perspective be it on purpose or not. Trouble is that our minds are coded in such a way that when we experience these non reality states a switch is flicked in our mind and we're then stuck in a cycle of awry perceptions, anxiety and fear that no normal person could ever fathom. We have to stop focusing on these things! Easy said but virtually impossible to do when your in the midst of the disorder.

I am finding now that I still get the weird perceptions many, many times each day but I'm able to control my mind by distracting it as soon as I become aware of myself paying attention to the dp/dr. The fear also has diminished over the last three months. I really not sure why but maybe it was me trying really hard not to focus on the beast that has helped. Give heed to Janine's advice and focus your attention away from the state as much as possible and over time your old self will come back. There are many people who have recovered on this site and the door is open for the rest of us. I'm hoping to pass through that door soon. Imagine, I know where your coming from and I understand your pain. I hope I have helped you a little.

Wishing you well,

Milan

 

[Guest]

I don't know what else to say except that I can completely 100% relate to everything you said. I know this doesn't do much to bring you comfort. I don't know what else to say, sorry. There doesn't seem to be a way out some days and nothing makes sense but we keep waking up day after day knowing at least what the hell are name is. That has got to mean something doesn't it? I'm rambling. Wish I had more insight and advice. Stay strong.
Kate

 

[Imagine]

:|

 

[Sojourner]

That anybody -- and if you doubt me, ask your friendly, neighborhood Nobel laureate -- "knows" anything is an illusion in itself. If you can grasp that fact without having a reaction to it, then you are a grown-up. That's what growing up is -- seeing the weirdness of reality and not letting it drive you crazy.

Are you beginning to get the picture?

 

[LOSTONE]

Sojourner your post about the house made me feel bad because I just realized that the word house had no meaning to me before I even looked at it. I have problems with every word because they all seem meaningless all the time. Sometimes I will have serious problems saying or spelling a word that I should know very well.

I was feeling heavy dp/dr wile reading this thread until I read this.

That anybody -- and if you doubt me, ask your friendly, neighborhood Nobel laureate -- "knows" anything is an illusion in itself. If you can grasp that fact without having a reaction to it, then you are a grown-up. That's what growing up is -- seeing the weirdness of reality and not letting it drive you crazy.

Are you beginning to get the picture?

Yes I am getting the picture.
That must be why I still feel like a child in many ways.
Wile reading your post I snaped out of dp/dr almost completly but just for a few seconds. As I sit here and think about how anything is an illusion I am leaving the dp/dr behind. This is strange. WoW Sojourner I don't quite know what it is about what you said but I feel diffrent. I am totally serious.
This is Cool 8) .
Thanks.

 

[Imagine]

Hella light headed and dizzy tonight, feels like my skull is empty.

Tottally dumbfounded.

 

[Imagine]

You know what, because of this I can't even enjoy the regular things in my life... being it my job, love, my hobbies or eating.

Everything is not there for me.

Why live.

I mean really, why live.

When I'm not feeling, I'm not living.

 

[Imagine]

It is actually at the stage where I struggle to define what was a dream and what was reality.

 

[rainboteers]

Imagine,
I dont know what to say, but hang in there.... Maybe go to your doctor and see if you can try new meds?