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I am so lost so confused. I have no idea if I am better or not.

I am on klonazapan, and it helps with my anxiety much more than zoloft. as a result I am getting off zoloft, I went up to 250mg to see if it could knock this out and it didnt. I went to 100mg and felt much better. I think the zoloft just makes my feelings worse at such high doses. So I am weaning off of it.

My anxiety is controled for the most part as a result I feel very depressed. As if my depression has taken anxiety's place? I dont know, but I also am going away to college and I am upset about that. I dont know all I wanna do is cry. I am frustrated with my state. I just feel I need to cry.

It seems like a large shift has happen, but Im not sure if thats good or bad?

Like I also notice I dont feel as "dazed" in bright lit places like stores and such. Generally I feel different, but I dont know if it is my mind relaxing finally and trying the healing prossess.

For a while there it was like a standstill, I was the same in and out as always, nothing helped nothing got better. It is better now but I am just curious if this sounds like someone's path to recover?
 

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First, before anything else, let me say clearly and loudly to you:

If you feel you want to cry, you MUST cry. It is good for you. Crying removes toxins from our body!! It's a healthy thing to do. Cry your heart out -- in private and in therapy.


I had a similar experience with Zoloft in June and I stopped cold turkey July 1. Neither the anxiety nor the depression I had for many years returned.

Are you taking the klonazapan just when you need it? I don't know about that drug at all, but it's a benzo, right?

You may well be coming out of this, particularly if you notice feeling better after reducing the Zoloft.

My case is somewhat of an anomaly -- and yours may be as well. Maybe you just don't need ANY drugs at this point.

Let your feelings out -- talk about how you feel with a therapist. If you're going to school, you should have medical coverage, right?

If you want to cry, it sounds like your feelings are very available to you, and therefore therapy may be the route that will help you the most.

Don't forget that "reality" is always a convention, and that even when we are not feeling "weird," if we think about what is "real," we can also see the freakiness in life. In other words, the oddness of the world doesn't disappear when we feel better -- what's different is that we choose NOT TO RECOGNIZE IT. The weirdness is always right there under the surface, but we can see nothing BUT it when we feel bad.

So, go to school, get psychotherapy, and do what feels right with regard to the drugs.

You cannot really tell anything about what your brain or body is trying to do -- stabilize or whatever -- as long as you are taking any kind of psychotropic drug. Don't think in those terms.

My psychotherapy, for example, has been far more effective since I stopped all drugs than it was before when I was on a very low dose of Zoloft (50 mg. for about 10 years).

You can still have progress in psychotherapy while you take drugs -- don't get me wrong -- but everything you do or think is in some way affected by the drugs, be it a tranquilize or an AD. Both depress certain brain functions. With an AD, I think psychotherapy is more difficult, because painful feelings are dulled and our true feelings are harder to access because of that.

I still have little bits of anxiety -- only at night -- but now Claire Weekes ROCKS!!!!!!! Couldn't do her way before, but now I can. And floating through anxiety (I get only mini-minis now) is a gas! It really works. You just say, "OK, God, if you want me to die now, I surrender." Well, what do you know? He doesn't want you to die, and so you don't, and three minutes later you feel better than you've ever felt in your life.

Bottom line: It's a great mystery, and we have to feel our way slowly. A very good physician will trust the patient's feedback about the way a drug affects him or her and will work with you to find the appropriate dosage (or no dosage). My doctor was so happy to hear that I have had no depression; he's a dyed-in-the-wool psychopharmacologist psychiatrist who really doesn't think much of psychotherapy (except CBT), but he was so happy for me. Lord knows he may well think twice now about his aversion to recommending psychoanalytical psychotherapy to patients. Hah!

The textbooks all say that people with major depression do not recover -- ever. They have to stay on ADs the rest of their life. Apparently, that's not true, if I'm a person who has completely recovered. I made a deal with my doctor; I'll check in by phone with him at three-, six-, and nine-month intervals. We won't call it a miracle until a year has passed.

Orageaid, I think you're on the right path. You are aware of your reaction to drugs and you are adjusting them appropriately.

Hang in there, and please get psychotherapy that's from an approach that allows you to explore your feelings -- your deepest feelings. I think that may well be the key for you.

Hang in there! And please keep reporting back, okay?
 
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