[gem]

Christmas will soon be here. It is a beautiful time of year. It is a pretty time of year. I also know it can be a very hard time of year. I will admit at this time of year I have lots of pain in my heart that I try and cope with. Last year was a difficult one because I lost my friend,a family member and a precious pet. I also remember the year I lost part of me, that is how it feels to live in the world of dp/dr. Every year I wish for a few things and one of them is that I can be me again. I look up into the night sky and pray that maybe the following year will bring hope that this illness will be no more. I pray that for all of us here.

Now even though I feel sad I do hold on to the beautiful things in life. I love going for a walk after it has snowed and the coloured lights all around reflect on the ground while the snowflakes sparkle like diamonds. I love a cup of hot chocolate and a warm blanket to cuddle up to the fireplace after coming in from the cold. I sit and think about how lucky I feel to have a place like this to come to and be with others who truly care about each other. It warms the heart to know you are not alone.

I wish for everyone here a wonderful christmas, I wish and hope for the day we can all be well again. Do something nice for yourselves, know that you all are precious, life is precious and we who suffer with an illness day after day need to give ourselves a warm hug because we deserve all the happiness that life has to offer.

The world may not understand the illness we live but that is okay as long as we understand ourselves is more important. Thank you to all of you for always being the kind and caring friends that we all truly need.

gem.

 

[Guest]

Christmas is great BLA BLA BLA

Christmas is hell. Thanksfully i'll be spending this years away from the family neck deep in a drink cross the border.

 

[gem]

When I posted this post I was doing it out of kindness. I am sorry if I have upset anyone.

gem.

 

[Guest]

Sorry. My extreme cynicism/sarcasm/overall assholeishness was bound to upset someone eventually. As soon as my dpdr is gone, i'll stop talking out of my ass because my brain stopped working, therefore i can't talk from that anymore.

 

[sleepingbeauty]

merry christmas jem. merry christmas ziggomatiX.

 

[maria]

thanks, gem. That reminds me, last Christmas I swore that by this one I'd finally be happy, although it sometimes is a question of choice I feel I can't be happy with dp so I may have to wait another year..

 

[dreamcatcher]

GEM......

reading your post makes you realize that there is some beautiful stuff out there...with the snow and lights and just imagine all the little carol singers, i admit i have been really dreading christmas as it was last christmas eve i had my breakdown and totally flipped......i cant remember much about the last year but i know ireally want to leave it behind and pray this christmas i can try to be interested in the kids unwrapping their stuff and hopefully find some joy in it all...my youngest is 3 and is soo excited at the prospect of santa...i am really looking forward to seeing her little face light up when she realizes santa has been.

i hope you all have a good christmas...all the best to all of u

 

[gem]

dreamcatcher, I thank you for replying to my post. I understand how you feel. I too had a breakdown a few years ago and my whole world fell apart. I also do not remember alot of things due to it being so severe. I spent months in hospital and barely uttered one word. My world had literally collapsed, my mind felt like it was gone forever and my heart was broken beyond repair so I thought. I was told over and over again I was going to be okay. The nurses and doctors came into to see me many times in a day and I did not respond to anyone. I even stopped crying, ate very little and I felt like the woman I once knew was gone forever. Even though the doctor's said you will be that woman again you will be back I never once believed it and to be honest with you got to the point where it really did not matter anymore. I felt like I had tried so hard all my life to make others happy to be accepted, all I wanted was to be loved. My childhood was a constant reminder that I was not loved the way I should have been. Oh how could I fix this I thought to myself, believe it or not it was the poor treatment that I watched by so called professionals that one day made me stand up for myself and say why is it that because a person falls down from a broken heart are we to be looked down upon? I decided from that day on that I would try and live life a little bit more for me, I am not trying to sound selfish here, but we do have to love and accept who we are and be kind to ourselves like we would be to others.

Dreamer I hope you have a wonderful christmas. Your last christmas was painful and you deserve good things. You are a kind and caring woman who gives alot of support to others here and I appreciate all that you do. I have learned that happiness can be right there in front of me when I do not even see it. To me it is little things now that make me smile. like I mentioned in my post, a warm cup of cocoa, a walk in the snow, just to feel life all around me is now precious to me. I look at life a little bit differently now, I know that I will never be loved by my family ever again and I have accepted that. There child was not well at times and instead of loving and caring they chose to walk away and pretend I do not exist. I know in my heart though that my heart is a good one, a kind one and one that keep opening up in time to share life again. Enjoy the moments, the little things, you know I made a snow angel the other day and actually laughed. I thought at first oh I am a grown woman I should not do this, then I realized oh what the heck grown women need a good laugh to. One moment at at time.

gem.

 

[gem]

maria, one can be happy with dp. I do not mean that we are happy in it, but we can have happiness even though we have it. Happiness means many things, it can be a kind word from someone, a laugh, a song you enjoy, making cookies, just a moment in time when you feel alive. I know living with this illness is horrible, it hurts to be in this, but if we wait for it to go away and then try and be happy it could be a long wait. If we let ourselves laugh and enjoy life's precious moments the dp/dr may just go away, maybe we who suffer this illness never allowed ourselves the chance to be happy, I know for myself for years I thought I could not be happy because I was not good enough, I know now that I am human and I will make mistakes but I am okay, I finally realized I did not need to be punished for being ill because I had already punished myself enough. Now I try to look at the whole picuture of this illness, not part of it, and the whole picture to me is accepting that for now I live with an illness but I can still find the sparkle in life that we are all entitled to. Have a wonderful christmas.

gem.

 

[falling_free]

I dunno why but I don't really get that excited about chrsitmas anymore, I think after youv'e been a child the magic is lost,i mean I still like getting presents and everything but since I am not a chrsitan , doubt wherver jesus even exsited the celebration doesn't really resonate with me anymore, and it seems christmas these days is more about captilism than anything else these days than about good will towards men blah blah blah bah humbag etc etc

I much prefer new year anway cos I can get pissed out of my face!!!!

 

[falling_free]

Oh and the only reason santa claus is red is because of coca cola, they sponser him to dress in red or something like that

ho ho ho

 

[person3]

uh that's not true

 

[Guest]

Jesus also exists for the sole purpose to sell jesus merchandise.

 

[gem]

Ziggomatix, I realize that everyone is entitled to thier own opinion and that is okay. You have the right to express yourself and I know that when we post something responses will all be different. Like I said before I made this post to show kindness and like I mentioned it was not written to upset anyone. You mentioned you knew sooner or later your posts might upset someone. Please do not apologize for expressing your views. Now with that being said if it is okay with you I would like to express my view to you regarding your response. I am sorry you are feeling down at this time of year and I do understand your feelings, maybe you will feel better about it next year.

gem.

 

[Guest]

Just like the two past Christmas's I will probably just feel depressed and sad.

 

[dreamcatcher]

falling free...CHRISTMAS IS FOR THE KIDS :!: .....us adults have newyear....but parents look forward to x-mas for the sake of their children been happy and excited and all the rush of having to open everything in sight..... its a great feeling when santa???? does things right