[chiara]

I have a daughter who just turned 5. Shes in kindergarden. Shes always been full of questions like any little kid.
Her teacher has pointed out to me that she is ''different'' from other children in her class in some things.

To me I see a normal 5 year old just a bit more advanced scholastically than the other kids in her class. Its in her nature to learn things and learn them by herself.

What is concerning the teacher is that the questions my daughter asks are about life in general and she is never satisfied with the answers.
What 5 year old is?

The teacher told me the other day that my daughter asked her ''why should we even be here if we are going to die anyway? How do we know if we are real people and not fake? If I am ME how do I know? why should we pray if God is just going to kill us anyway?

Things like that.

You dont suppose this could be hyreditary??I would hate to know she will end up going through the same things I do, this hell.

Are these normal questions for a little kid? Are there going to be 2 loonies in the family now?? My poor husband

 

[Homeskooled]

Dear Chiara,
I'm telling you this now, and it is only my personal observation/opinion, but I do think that DP/DR and its neurologic origins are hereditary. I would tell you otherwise to comfort you, but it wouldnt do justice to your daughter. My own biological model of the disease (which I'm sure you've read me posting about) is that our temporal lobes, and the parietal if you experience DR, have erratic firing and metabolism/blood flow. Like epilepsy (and our cases are mighty close to TLE, yet different) I beleive that this inborn error in our reality processors runs in families. I look back on my family tree, and see that all of the men on my father's side suffered from mood swings and debilitating rages, as well as a preoccupation with existential and religious thought. My Father is obsessed with religion. His dad before him had blind rages. His father's father commmitted suicide (thats an extreme example, but it illustrates that you can trace these symptoms down the line). I am absolutely positive that one of my children will get it. But I'll offer them the support, advice, and medical know-how to get through it. Like always, I'll recommend that your daughter gets and EEG, and if it gets worse as she gets older, starts an anticonvulsant. It is very common with children with abnormal temporal lobes to have dark thoughts, existential thoughts, moodiness, and being highly skilled at verbal things. These all are taken care of in the temporal lobes. DONT encourage her reading into existential questions, dont dwell on religion or hellfire too much (they will inevitably be drawn to the darker questions about God, religion, hell, etc...). Lastly, I have a question for you - Does she sleepwalk? That can mean she is having changes at night which might show on an overnight EEG. If I remember correctly, my favorite psychiatrist, Dr. Amen, recommends some natural methods for this. Giving your daughter the amino acid GABA can help, and it is safer than medication. She should eat a balance of carbs and proteins, as these each make neurotransmitters she needs, and she should take a supplement with omega 3 fatty acids (not 6 or 9) which is safe, such as the TwinLabs supplement. Omega 6 was found to encourage temporal lobe seizures, and its found alot in fast food. Might want to limit that too. And most importantly, treat her how you wish you had been treated when you were younger, and how you wish you were treated with your DP now.

Peace
Homeskooled

 

[Milan]

I have a five yo and at this present time he is not asking those type of questions but he may once he starts school next year (and that'll be a Catholic school, which was against my preference of a non religious school, so no doubt there'll be a lot of God questions).

I also fear that he may end up with this crap but I truly hope he doesn't. If it is hereditary there will at least be another person to guide him through the hell and stabilise him before he gets too stuck in the experience.

 

[Guest]

Wow, that's really surprising from a 5 year old. From my own experience, ignoring it is not a good idea. Those thoughts aren't going away if she's thinking like that already. On one hand you have a child, and in our culture we like giving them something absolute to believe in. On the other hand, she has signs similar to those of dp/dr, so telling her things to comfort her that she doesn't believe and calling it good can do more harm than anything. Make sure your husband knows what you feel like and what dp/dr is, then decide between the two of you. I asked myself questions like those as a kid (not as young as 5 though), but never told anyone. If these feelings are more than curiosity and she's unhappy because of them, you need to talk to her. The best thing I can think of to tell her is that you really don't know the answers to those questions, and that she has all her life to find them herself. Whatever you tell her, end it on a positive note. The biggest factor is if you are/you plan on raising her in religion. I'm from a Christian family, but we never went to church or anything, so I think that's part of the reason my mind wandered. It's kind of like brainwashing in some senses, but raising her in strong religion might be a good idea.

I'm neither a parent or a doctor, so this is just my opinion. And I know this is what everyone says, but don't blame yourself. You might very well have passed it on, but everyone's born into something different and you just have to deal. She could become a much more well-rounded person for it, so don't think of it as too bad of a thing. Best of luck.

 

[Guest_]

tell your daughter that some things arent meant to be known. You have to live life, not think about it. I have never heard of a girl that age asking questions like that. If she is not DP, and can think these questions comfortably, then i dont see a problem with the curiosity. Maybe she got your curiosity gene, but your husbands stability. You never know. GOOD LUCK!

 

[Dreamer]

Dear Chiara,
I had thoughts like this, existential thoughts, and could "bring on" DP/DR feelings at the age of @5. My birthday is in December so I have to go back and look at dates. I know the date/time of my life as my mother and I traveled all over the word. I remember the trip and I have a passport with the date stamp on it.

I recall it in great detail even though I'm now 47. The DP/DR and existential brooding was very strong, but at the time it didn't scare me and I could "shake it off".

My mother had gotten sick with some bug. I was worried about her, and she told me to "Shut up." She was a psychiatrist of all things, with A LOT of problems.

She was an atheist, believed when you were dead you were dead, etc. See my website (which hasn't been updated in quite a while) for details. At any rate, she used some Freudian stuff on me (though she later became very biologically oriented) saying "If you're so worried about my dying you want me dead."

I can't say that was the cause of my thinking, but I was extremely occupied with the thoughts you mention your daughter had.

At any rate, my thoughts on this, having experienced, is don't be like my mother who for years ignored my fears, made fun of my fears, etc.

I wish she had talked things out with me, giving me some coping skills. Even though we weren't religious it didn't really matter. I really wish she had showed some interest. I don't think discussing these fears/thoughts would have made them worse, they may have made them less, or at minimum not become reinforced.

Also, my father was out of the picture. But I believe as Homeskooled does that there is a hereditary component. My mother was high functioning Borderline (my guess, reading a book called "The Borderline Mother" -- fits her to a "t" as do the psychological profile I have under those circumstances. She had no empathy for others, made fun of her patients TO ME as a little girl.

She also had rages as Home discussed.

Also my father had severe OCD -- even though he was a surgeon he was a Hoarder/Clutterer, was anxious and depressed.

There is also indication of a family history of this. Though I didn't know my grandparents, there are stories of depression and anxiety in the family. There is also mental illness of various sorts in my cousins... especially on my maternal side of the family.

Again, for me, what I so wanted was love, acceptance, and someone to talk to about this. I didn't realize this at the time. But when things got worse over the years I became sicker and more frightened.

I believe in honest communication between parent and child. I don't think it reinforces the illness, or this way of thinking, I think it helps the child feel less alone and again gives the child coping skills.

None of this would have necessarily changed the way my illness became worse -- anxiety and depression I KNOW I inherited -- but again, it would have made coping easier, and I think my fears would not have become so conditioned.

I'm repeating myself as usual.

This DOES occur in very young children. Love that child. Listen. And don't be afraid to talk about what the child is concerned about, but no need to force the issue or go into great detail. The child will guide you if you are open.

From my own experience.

Best,
D

 

[Dreamer]

Ah, this may or may not have been a factor as well. I am an only child. My mother essentially neglected me -- gave me little love, comfort, and was very "busy" with her work, her hobbies, etc.

She foisted me off on my father who couldn't express love and who, though treated just like me, couldn't talk about it either. We never talked about how evil my mother could be. I felt it was his responsibility to bring this up, as again I was a kid. I had a very distorted view of life, thought this was all "normal."

She told me my friends' families were shams. The love I saw in those families was fake.

At any rate, I was a loner in those early years. My teachers wrote (in report cards I still have! -- I'm writing about all this so I have "evidence") that I was "afraid of authority", that I was very bright but wouldn't answer questions in "circle time." I played with a few friends, 2 little boys.

My whole school career changed over time and I came "everybody's friend", but this is because I feared expressing my own opinions.

At any rate I always have a damned PS, and my childhood is in many ways a very whacky exception. But I find, on this Board, that isn't necessarily true.

I believe in Nature and Nurture. I believe Nature started all of this, and my Nurture made it worse, in very simple terms.

I hope this helps.

 

[agentcooper]

well, i don't know if dp is hereditary but i do know that my brother also has a very mild form of it. i hope it isn't hereditary since i'd like to have kids some day and i would wish this on anyone, let alone my children.

 

[Dreamer]

well, i don't know if dp is hereditary but i do know that my brother also has a very mild form of it. i hope it isn't hereditary since i'd like to have kids some day and i would wish this on anyone, let alone my children.

Dear agentcooper,
I should clarify one thing. I think mental illness is hereditary. It's pretty much established for instance that bipolar is. As well as the predisposition to schizophrenia I believe.

I can't say that DP/DR in and of itself is hereditary, but it is interesting that your brother has a mild form, and I've heard time and time again on the board that siblings have it. Your story in that sense is not uncommon.

I don't think it's a guarantee that a child will inherit DP/DR, but I think there is a degree of risk.

I've also read on this Board that many have mentally ill parents. Though the statistics here are skewed, I'd still guess this is more than coincidence.

I would say though, if you want children, you should have them. If you can give them love and discipline and all the good stuff, it's the best anyone can do. There are so many other parents who struggle with the potential for physical genetic disorders, yet go on to have children fully informed of the risks. They figure they can love a child regardless of any disability though it can be a challenge.

And again, I don't think there's a "guaranteed" risk.

I had a mess of a background. Yours sounds different.
Best,
D

 

[dakotajo]

Sure, dp/dr is hereditary. Its a normal heathy mechanism that exists in every human on earth.

 

[widescreened]

a roll model.very important for a child.someone positive that inspires her and keeps her mind off dark issues.team sports as well(when shes older).company and distractions.

 

[Dreamer]

Sure, dp/dr is hereditary. Its a normal heathy mechanism that exists in every human on earth.

I think Chiara meant pathological DP/DR ... disabling DP/DR that interferes with one's life. The normal mechanism gone awry. You wouldn't say that normal crying or a sneezing mechanism is inherited, or the ability to experience normal deja-vu, or to have normal FOF dissociation. It's when something is pathological.

In other words we are all born with certain givens (like fear, hunger, the fight/flight response, an ability to grieve), but certain disorders are indeed inherited, like physical disorders that are inherited -- Tay-Sachs for instance, Lou Gherig's disease, Huntington's disease, ovarian cancer, etc., etc.... they are illnesses that affect functioning in life -- that threaten health or well-being.

I'm certain that most mental illness (and it comes in variations from generation to generation) is inherited to one degree or another though it can spring up out of nowhere as well. And having a mental illness doesn't GUARANTEE mental illness in a child it just increases the odds.

 

[dakotajo]

and then there are illnesses that are caused from people bombarding their brain with nasty chemicals.

 

[Dreamer]

and then there are illnesses that are caused from people bombarding their brain with nasty chemicals.

Indeed, but I doubt that Chiara's 5 year old is into drugs, rec or otherwise. That is the focus of this thread.

 

[fingertingle]

I wouldn't worry about it yet - when did it come on for you?
She is probably just extremely intelligent. That's amazing.